Because I Really Don't Like Bragging...

And not many people read this so I can share my excitement mostly with myself...

I MADE THE DEAN'S LIST AGAIN!

Barely... but still.

Here's what happened for which I was very excited:

Intro to Programming in C++, thought I was going to get a D (deserved an F); got a B.
Differential Equations, thought I was going to get a B (deserved a C); got a B+.
Geology Lab, though I was going to get a B (probs deserved a B); got an A-.
Ear Training, deserved a B- ; got an A.
History and Analysis of Musical Style: I GOT AN A! That made me happier than everything else I'm pretty sure.
There was one class I got an A- in that I thought I was going to get an A in, but the 4 A- 's I got were all in 1 credit classes so it didn't mess me up too bad.

Needless to say, I'm glad this semester is over, but it has been fun. I'm so relieved that my grades checked out okay and I'm pretty elated that my grades exceeded expectations. That was all God's doing and I am praising Him so much right now!

And now... I am getting excited to be reunited with my good friend over coffee, silliness, conversation, and quality time! <3

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So Here's What I've Noticed:

No matter how many times I say something to someone else, it never stops me from acting in a contradictory manner. 'Tis the nature of the circle of life/humans though I suppose.

I've also noticed that finals suck a lot, and that even though I am very much aware and hopeful that my GPA does not determine my salvation, I still feel quite overwhelmed with school.

So I'm praying for peace and joy, and I'm also rejoicing in my Hope!

Despite the fact that I have a total of 11 finals, 4 Christmas parties, 1 baby-sitting gig, and 1 performance, not to mention 3 more days of classes, studying, homework, studying, forgetting to eat, studying, drinking too much caffeine, studying, getting distracted by facebook and Youtube videos, studying, OH AND MORE STUDYING, I think that I am joyful. More so than I ever have been during this time of the semester.

So God is good, basically. Like I legitimately have no adequate words to describe how good He is, but I can tell you that I do not measure up and am so unworthy of His love. And goodness gracious, I am SO thankful that Jesus interceded for me so I could be freed from the bondage of sin that separates me from God.

And when you think about it, that's all that really matters.

A lot of people (myself included) miss the point of salvation. We do tend to get wrapped up in the world, don't we? Especially this time of the year. 'Tis the season, indeed.

As for me, "I celebrate the day that You were born to die so I could one day pray for You to save my life."

Hallelujah, Amen.

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A List

Today I made a short list of 3 things I will really miss about this semester and three things I will really NOT miss this semester. So here it is:

Things I will miss:
1. Being an OL
2. HAMS part 1
3. My friends who will be leaving/moving/graduating

Things I will NOT miss:
1. Differential Equations
2. Computer Programming
3. Resources Geology

I realize that most of these things are about school. But I guess it makes sense because I'm talking in terms of semesters. Oh well.

I miss lots of things. Like my friends. A lot of my friends I haven't seen in a while. And for some reason I'm feeling more... sentimental today? I'm also just tired of school. But it's whatever.

A lot's going on, but I haven't processed it yet, so I shall just say that God is always good. And God is always faithful to do what's best for us when we trust in Him even if it's not fun or doesn't feel good. Which is unfortunate, but then again we're the ones who sin and separate ourselves from God, so I'm pretty excited about the fact that He still loves me. So. Yes.

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Too Much For One

A lot's happened this week. It's been incredible! God is so good and He is alive and well and doing some really awesome things in our towns, our countries, and our world! More on that later...

Right now I'm finishing a book called "Radical Together: Unleashing the People of God for the Purpose of God." It's phenomenal. Basically for my own sake I want to jot down some of the awesome key points/quotes I took from it that I will hopefully apply to my life and the furthering of God's Kingdom.

• "Then let us give God NO REST from our praising, confessing, interceding, and let us watch Him unleash His people in His church for His purpose in the world." 
• We are selfless followers of a self-centered God; we exist for the glory of God, and God exists for the glory of God.
• Prayer is fundamental, not supplemental. 
• "God does not need me."

This whole passage: "Humbled by the reality of a self-existent, self-sustaining, self-sufficient God, I realized:

• God does not need me
• God does not need my church
• God does not need you
• God does not need your church
• God does not need our conferences, conventions, plans, programs, budgets, buildings, or mission agencies.

          The reality is that you and I, your church and my church, al the structures we have constructed    and all the stuff we have created could turn to dust, and God could still make a great name for himself among the nations. God does not involve us in His grand, global purpose because he needs us. He involves us in his grand , global purpose because he loves us."

"So let us live radical together in eager anticipation of the day when we will see his face and, as a community encompassing every nation, tribe, tongue, and people, enjoy his beauty for all of eternity." 

Don't worry, I'll add more later. (: 

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ATLANTA.

I'm going on a missions trip. I'm so pumped.

Because we're called as Christians to GO - make disciples of all nations. But we're also called to take care of the least of these - the poor, the starving, the naked, the destitute, the unloved. Those are the ones we're called to love so I'm going to do it. Because I'm too comfortable. So I'm going to get uncomfortable and answer the call. God wants me to do more and to obey Him and love His people - His children.

Peace out.

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We Need Jesus

I feel like people are just going from one fad to the other. I'm sure this is no different that in the past, but experiencing it first hand makes me really sad.

Yesterday it was politics; today it's Hokie football.

I look around me and all I see are people looking for something substantial to cling to that gives them a sense of purpose and hope. That's why I say people need Jesus. I mean there are many other BIG reasons such as He is the only way to life and salvation, but this purpose it's because following Him and having faith in Him is the only thing in this life and beyond that is hope - the only thing that is constant, never-changing, and will always be there and will never fade or go out of style.

Of course, Jesus is never in style. We try to make Him "relevant". We're not relevant to the Gospel, the Gospel is relevant to us, because WE are the sinners who need grace and forgiveness and a SAVIOR. This Gospel of Jesus Christ is not about us, it's about God and His Kingdom.

I am convicting myself as I say this because I realize that I, too, get caught up in the fads that the world tells me I should get all excited about. But I'm trying not to. I need prayer for that - for God to create in me a clean heart (Psalm 51) so that I will be able to love Him with all that I am.

But love is a sacrifice. It doesn't provide the fluffy happy things that the fleeting things of this world do - all those things we spend our lives chasing after but never truly fulfill us. Running full speed ahead after Jesus will be the only thing that satisfies our souls. We are called to suffer for Christ's sake, but "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:7).

"While the outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day." (2 Corinthians 4:16)

Those are just my thoughts for the day. So much stock is put into politics and football, but so easily we lose the passion we once had for Christ. I want that fire. I need a Savior to rescue me from my sin. And God gave me Jesus. Why wouldn't I want to live for Him?

Jesus For President

This is one of those time where I'm glad only 7 people read my blog instead of my 900+ friends on facebook.

Because... I'm not voting.
The reason I'm not voting partly lines up with the reasons stated in this video (which I actually didn't watch until long after I decided why not to vote).

And also, because I have better things to do quite honestly. I don't feel strongly one way or another because my identity is not in a ballot, a president, a country, or a government. My identity is in Christ, and no matter the outcome of the election (because honestly I couldn't care less) I'm still going to pay my taxes, I'm still going to obey the laws, and I'm still going to strive to love Jesus and love people as much as humanly possibly with the strength from God through the Holy Spirit. I will obey the commands of Jesus from the Bible, and if they get in the way of America's laws, then I guess I'll be breaking the law.

It seems that as Christians we have forgotten that the ruler of the Universe for eternity has dominion over the ruler of the country for the next 4 years. So why are you putting more stock into voting in this election than you are obeying the teachings of Jesus and chasing after God's heart? I would implore you to reconsider where you place your allegiance.

Oh, and please watch the video.

Oh, and please don't hate because I'm not voting. You are free to vote, and I am free not to. Being persecuted for it has taught me a lot about acting and speaking in love in terms of Christianity, because it doesn't feel good to be berated by your decisions and beliefs. I've definitely gained new perspective.

People seem to forget the difference between obligation and freedom/choice. Until I am required by law to participate in elections, I will be abstaining from exercising that right (which is also my right).

I am free in Christ. My hope is in Him, not this country or the next 4 years (I mean really, 4 years <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ETERNITY!). And that's enough for me.

Is it enough for you?

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Why is it that I only ever feel like blogging during class?

So once again: Hello from Computer Science! a.k.a. my worst nightmare.

But it's okay.

I've been pretty MIA lately, so I apologize.
I just got done a with a Diff EQ test that I didn't study for and I'm pretty sure I scored at least a B- on it, which is good news.

In other news, I'm going to Eagle Eyrie tomorrow. There is no possible way to convey to you in words how excited I am. So, I'm very excited. I'm just going to leave it at that.

I've been feeling really not good toward God lately. I don't know why. I still pray to him, I still trust Him, I still have faith in His plan and His timing and His will, but for some reason I don't feel spiritually productive or spiritually ... alive?

But I've been able to recognize so much of the good God is working for me, and praise Him for that, but I'm in a funk that I can't shake for whatever reason. Life is good, God is good, and I can't complain, but for whatever reason I'm not excited about it.

Remember when you used to get excited for stuff? I'd like to be re-excited about sharing the Gospel and being a testament to God's grace. I'd like to get excited to being the hands and feet of God's church and stepping outside my comfort zone to love the lost and the least of these. I'd like to get excited about being persecuted for the sake of the cross, not seek after worldly success in vain. I want to pray to God completely humbled and say to Him "I have failed You, please forgive me. I love you and I want to live up to Your standards of loving my neighbors." I want a heart so fervently on fire for God that I can't contain all the good that He is.

So what's wrong with me?

Something I'm learning through all of this though is that when God wants us to learn something, we're not always going to be on a "spiritual high". Valleys are an important time for the devil to tempt you which reveals whether or not your faith is true. I know that God never leaves me; there is a difference between absence and silence. So I have faith that one day I will be on a mountain again, but until then I will trust in God and rejoice in His plan. I have peace from the Holy Spirit that overrules any earthly feelings I have.

So it's always possible to learn and grow in Christ, even if you don't feel good. That's what I'm learning. There is grace and forgiveness constantly flowing from the cross. We are also called to extend such to ourselves and others.

Amen.

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River

I'm in a funk. So I haven't done much of anything lately. Including things like writing.

So, sorry.

I'm complacent, so I'm praying I could NOT be that.

But God is constant and this valley I'm in is merely a small stage in my already brief life. So no worries.

All I want is to be learning more and more about God/Jesus/the Bible/faith/grace/mercy/love/how to be after God's heart and all that so I'm praying for revival in my heart but also clarity as to God's plan for this part of my life.

So I've been praying this song from Chris Tomlin:

All My Fountains

So yeah.

God alone can rescue me from this darkness, so I'm gonna rest in Him until I have hind-sight clarity. Because the present peace and joy are what matters now. And fortunately, undeservingly, by the grace of God, I have Jesus death and resurrection to rest in.

Praise God!

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What Do I Want to "Do"?

This is what I just titled an entry in my real "journal". And I don't want to say much else, so I'm just gonna share it with you.

Math - the children

Music - the church

I want my life - small and insignificant as it is - to be pleasing to God. All I want is for God to be glorified through me - that the world would know Him regardless of what I do. I want to feed the world  &tell them that Jesus loves them & that I love them & that there is hope for after this life is over. I want to make the name of Jesus famous. I don't want to be afraid or ashamed. The Gospel of Christ is the Truth. I don't want to waste my life. God, I don't want to be complacent. I'd much rather be exhausted for the glory of Your name than well-rested for all of my classes & such. Well-slept, I should say. I do want to rest in You. I want to love people, regardless of whether or not we agree. I want my life to revolve around prayer & love & faith & joy & obedience all in the name of Jesus. I want to be accountable to God's commandments & Jesus's life & love. 

*Side note: I will say that I have a great deal of respect for people who keep their opinions to themselves via social media. Especially when they have to do with things that are not going to benefit the Kingdom of God.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Right now, I'm sitting in my computer programming class (supposedly introductory level) not really paying attention to my teacher, and I'm wondering... Why on earth am I here?

The answer seems to be: because this is required for my math degree.

In general the answer seems to be: because I need a degree so I can get a job and work hard for the rest of my life to be successful and be comfortable and be guaranteed financial/job security because that would be easy.

I'm so over this.

That's not to say I'm going to drop out of school because I'm tired of working, but I am saying that I don't want to fall into the complacency of the American Dream, especially if I don't realize it's happening to me. I'm afraid it's going to happen if I don't get it together. And by "it" I mean my relationship with Christ.

I don't care about Computer Science. I like math. I like music. But I don't like them more than the BCM, or more than people, or more than friends. Love should be my life; love is my life. Furthering the Kingdom of God is my goal. So... yeah. Even if I "fail" on earth it's like not even a big deal because the reward for my suffering will be far greater in Heaven. I've been meditating on these verses lately, and I feel they are appropriate and encouraging, even in the midst of being "unsuccessful" in the world's view:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. For though the outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 

So, I'm pressing on, running the race to win the prize that is eternal life in Heaven with Jesus, worshipping Him and being in His presence forever. 

My reward for suffering and persecution for the sake of Christ is being alive forever by the grace of God. Amen.

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Take Time

This old-time hymn kind of punched me in the face tonight. Really soak in the words. Enjoy. 

Take time to be holy, speak oft with thy Lord;

Abide in Him always, and feed on His Word. 

Make friends of God's children, help those who are weak, 

Forgetting in nothing His blessing to seek.

Take time to be holy, the world rushes on;

Spend much time in secret, with Jesus alone.

By looking to Jesus, like Him thou shalt be;

Thy friends in thy conduct His likeness shall see.

Take time to be holy, let Him be thy Guide;

And run not before Him, whatever betide.

In joy or in sorrow, still follow the Lord,

And, looking to Jesus, still trust in His Word. 

Take time to be holy, be calm in thy soul,

Each thought and each motive beneath His control.

Thus led by His Spirit to fountains of love,

Thou soon shalt be fitted for service above. 

Grace and peace be with you, my friends. I love you, and Jesus loves you. 

Amen.

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Grace.

This week has been eventful. Mostly in the sense that I never have free time, really, except when I shut down from doing work and stop thinking about it, only to realize that I have SO MUCH to do. Oh well. That's beside the point.

On Monday: I got to tutor. I'm learning a lot about teaching. It's kind of scaring me. And exciting me.

On Tuesday: It rained a lot. All of my belongings were wet. I debated on whether or not to skip a class that required I walk out in the rain again half way across campus. I went. For the attendance points. 6:33 was that night. We finished Jonah 4. It was really good. My friend, Donna, and I also spent the before-time pushing FTLT application into the hands of every freshman/transfer we found and also got several turned in! I'm really excited for this year's new students at the BCM.

On Wednesday: I met with my singer for the semester and sightread one of her pieces. It gave me a false sense of security that her music was all going to be easy, and then I tried to practice the rest of it and said so long to that expectation. It's all good though. I'm hoping to get to use this as a cool ministry opportunity.

On Thursday: I didn't have a piano lesson. My teacher went out of town. This actually worked in my favor. I did a little homework at el BCM and then hung out with some of the coolest people ever instead of homework. And then got to talk on the phone with another super cool friend. It was nice. And B-stud was this night and my friend, Jodi, came with me. That was incredibly encouraging.

Today: I was really sleepy. I nodded off in all of my classes. But it was okay. Then I went to the Ladies' Group at BCM. There were 6 of us, and it was really awesome. I was very encouraged by today.

But this week has been weird. And that's okay.

I'm praying for grace and knowledge for myself. I'm praying for wisdom to be able to speak to other people, extending grace to them. Growing in grace is difficult, and painful. It's awkward and uncomfortable. And it's exhausting. And it's what Jesus called us to do by living it out in His life. We studied John 4 last night, and it was about the woman at the well. I was challenged to "find my Samaria" and go to it; live in it and show grace to people there - tell them about Jesus and my life's testament that He is good and gracious and loving and THE SAVIOR of my soul.

I'm growing in joy. It's beautiful.

Today I got Fig Newtons in the mail. That officially made today the best day of the week. I don't deserve the great friends I have. But that's the beauty of God's grace.

"The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair."

Jesus is the man. I'm yearning to be with Him forever. But for now, I pray for rest in my Savior, and grace enough to give everyone, only through God's strength.

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Joy and Happiness and Sadness

I had a really awesome/really rough day yesterday.

I know sounds weird, right? Well I'm weird so it's fine.

Yesterday morning I was super pumped because it was going to be an awesome day. I have 2 music classes and my math tutoring class and I knew that as soon as I was done with my last class that I would get to see one of my greatest, bestest, dearest, most extraordinary friends in the entire world. For the first time in a month.

I already sound pathetic, but I suppose I will continue anyway.

So it happened. It was a beautiful reunion. I hadn't been so happy since school started, and far beyond that.

*Disclaimer - I am not a depressed person, I just tend to be quite content and generally excited about life. "Happy" is a strange word and a strange feeling that only happens on rare occasions.

But yesterday it happened. And I ate frozen yogurt with my best friend. And I talked about life with my best friend. And I shared the joy of Jesus with my best friend. And I got to listen to my best friend.

And so we caught up - briefly. And then it was BIG WEEKEND at the BCM. And I had been looking forward to that for quite a few weeks now. It's just a big ball of crazy awesome Jesus-worshipping and people-loving and it's beautiful. Our speaker was so real and I was captivated by the Gospel yet again.

But you see, last night - around 9:00 - I let my emotions get the best of me. Not so much that I sinned or anything other than my giant amounts of selfishness, but that I was very very sad. A sadness I hadn't felt, probably since the 8th grade. And even then that was just puberty. But this was real life.

I had to say goodbye.

I'm not very good at goodbye's. I'm really good at "see-ya-later"s, because then I can go about acting like things will be normal again and not have to deal with emotions at all (the way I prefer it).

I'm more sad than ever because before, I was more happy than ever. And then it was over.

This is something completely beyond my understanding. I didn't want to be upset, naturally, but then again I knew I was actually facing something for once in my life. It was a goodbye. I mean sure, it's PROBABLY a see-ya-later but come on now, indefinite goodbyes are the worst. I don't think I've cried so much in one day in my life. And it was only like the last 3 hours of it. Ha!

The Holy Spirit has been doing some crazy awesome things in my this semester so far. And in general - like summer leading up to now. I think last night, when I was unbearably sad about saying goodbye, I realized that the reason this one hit me so hard is because of 2 things: 1. I had huge expectations for some awesomesauce quality time and therefore was EXTREMELY happy upon my friend's arrival, and 2. When she told me she had to leave, I actually realized that it wasn't the same - that it wouldn't be the same. She's not in college any more, and I took that for granted last semester. I was saying goodbye to my accountability partner, my sarcastic other half, my mentor, my spiritual role model, and a friend with whom I have shared so much life and grown so much with, only to have to depart again.

I'm basically not sure what to do with my emotions.

But there is joy in Jesus. I'm content with my sadness. THAT'S SO WEIRD, RIGHT?!?
But that is the Gospel of Christ. In Him, I find strength, joy, and peace. Such that far surpasses all earthly understanding. Hence the weirdness.

I'm learning not to forsake my emotions, for they can be useful. But I'm also learning the dangers of being emotionally dependent on people. Because that can tear a person apart. I'm just thankful that I have Jesus walking alongside me, God ruling over me, and the Holy Spirit living inside of me, otherwise I wouldn't know where to turn. But there's a God who is ALWAYS sovereign, ALWAYS loving, ALWAYS good, and ALWAYS looking out for what's best for you to be advancing His Kingdom.

So, happy or sad, I will always rejoice in the Lord. I miss my best friend, but I've got a Savior who never leaves. (:

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But I think I'm just tired.

There's a lot going on in my brain right now. And in my heart. And with my spirit. Granted, I think a lot of the overwhelmed-ness I'm feeling right now is due to the fact that I desperately need a nap and to get 8+ hours of sleep one of these nights (PRAYING TONIGHT, YEAH!).

I've been trying to be intentional about the way I act. And about what I say - to curb my sarcasm and make sure everything I say is either useful, helpful, thoughtful, encouraging, kind, and/or necessary. I told this to my piano teacher today because I wanted to get some advice/prayer support. I told her I was trying not to be as sarcastic because I'm realizing the effect of my words and actions, especially when it comes to interacting with my friends who don't have a deep relationship with Jesus.

And you know, I really wasn't satisfied with her answer. Although she did talk about useful things I enjoyed what she said but when it came to answering my "question" I have to say I'm still restless about it. She kind of told me "it's okay that you're a little sarcastic, you just have to make sure it isn't at anybody's expense" which I agree with. However, I guess what I'm more focused on is the condition of my heart which I had a really hard time conveying to her so I don't think she actually understood what I meant.

I want to get to a place where I'm both bold about Jesus, and so humbled and in the background that people don't even see me, but Jesus shining through me. It's a rough place to get. I also realize that I can only get there by actively pursuing my relationship with God - quiet times are a struggle. I'm over-committed. But I'm also not sacrificing my life to God yet, so that's been interesting too. I say that I am, but there are still shreds that I'm holding on to. I don't know what, specifically, but I can feel that I am.

I do have a peace that passes all understanding and I love it because I can have joy and be content even while being upset or sad or happy or excited or worried (which actually goes away after accepting the peace). BAHHH!

So much is happening in my brain.

All right. Jesus is the Man. God is good. All the time. I love Him. And you.

Peace out.

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i Am Crazy

No really. Almost all of my friends could tell you. Especially my best friend, Chelsea. ;)

Urgh. I've been challenged with living an authentic life. So, that's what I intend to do. Ironically enough, I've challenged myself to an intentional life, so when I set out to do something, I need to be constantly thinking about ways to do it and get it done and do it well for Jesus, even when it gets hard. Because quitting is not an option.

I mean we're supposed to be like Jesus, right? I know He didn't just toss that ol' cross aside when it got heavy and he got a few splinters in his back and whatnot. NO. HE CARRIED THAT AWFUL CROSS ALL THE WAY. Like, ALL the way. In being like Him, we aren't supposed to quit when things get tough or don't go our way. I'm learning that kind of the hard way. But learning nonetheless.

This is good. I tend to quit when I feel uncomfortable. So I should stop doing that. And stop lying to people. Like pretending that my life is totally fine and I have it all together. HAHAHAHAHA. But really.

So, I'm trying. Pray for me? Thanks. And... I will pray for YOU! Whoever you are. Jesus loves you, and so do I!

Okay it's late. Goodnight.

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Sacrifice

Yesterday, I was involved in (mostly listening) an interesting conversation that revolved around dreams, marriage, and limiting God. I have to say it was rather exhausting and went in circles a bit, but that's what happens when you put one really determined person with 2 people who really want you to know their opinion (because it's obviously right) and then the innocent by-stander who couldn't get a word in edgewise. It was a good conversation though.

One of the guys has this really huge dream because of how God placed it in his life and he wants to pursue it because through God calling him to it, he fell in love with it. He's very set against marriage because he wants to pursue his dream without being tied down and without having to make sacrifices regarding giving up what he perceives his dream to be. One of the only comments I made was "Well, sacrifice is a basis for Christianity and kind of what it's all about."

Then it got me thinking.

He was very set against not having to give ANYTHING up to satisfy his hunger for a professional career in music. But I think that goes against love and Jesus.

So I asked myself: am I guilty of the same? Am I unwilling to sacrifice of myself to meet the needs of others? And naturally the answer is 'yes' because I am quite selfish, as we all are. However, we do make sacrifices.

These first few weeks of school, for instance, I have had to make and am having to make some pretty hefty sacrifices on behalf of a commitment I made that I am determined to honor because that, I feel, is the right thing to do.

I was given a leadership role at the BCM and was given a list of commitments and basically what I was signing on for. Which is all fine and good. I had no intention of breaking any of these. Then I got my summer job, which was great because I felt I needed a job. Then I agreed that my school is close enough to home that I would commute for the last 2 weekends to work at the pool because I needed the extra money and they needed the extra people.

As it turned out, because I made this commitment over a month ago, I am having to miss the BCM Open House, "the guy's" house-warming start of the semester party, family socials, BCM cook-out, and my piano teacher's first concert of the season. It's kind of a bummer.

But now that I'm thinking back on it, and now that I've completed one day of work out of the total of 4 I had left, I'm realizing that this hurt I feel for having to miss out on all these great school-related things is a part of faith and developing my character and patience. Therefore, I am rejoicing in these sufferings. It's a hard thing to do, but I am - only by the grace and strength of God, Himself.

So if ever you find yourself at the crossroads of sacrifice, remember not to lose heart and be joyful! For the Lord, your God, is with you always and He will never forsake you. He will give you the strength and endurance you need to complete the tasks that He has prepared for you beforehand and He will get you through any burden that comes your way!

Praise Him that He is the wonderful ruler of all the heavens and earth!

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Back in the College Grind

Well my first day back on campus is over! It has been quite a long day, but I must say I could not be more pleased to be back!

I awoke bright and early at 6:15 this morning and got to school at 8, checked in by 8:15, and mom was gone by 8:30. Quite the speedy move-in. Of course, I didn't actually get any of my stuff "moved-in" or organized or set up; I just threw it all in a corner and made a mad dash across campus to help with other people moving in (because I had volunteered beforehand). That was fun because I got to help people and talk to them about Jesus, and I also got to see a TON of friends for the first time in months and it was a beautiful reunion!!

Then came more catching up, lunch, and after that... I did it. I unpacked everything. I set up everything. It's completely crazy that I got it all done in one day. Of course, my (awesome) roommate moves in tomorrow so depending on how she wants to do stuff we may have to move some things around, but that's okay. (: It'll be fun!

Then I went to "game night" at some friends' which didn't last long because we were all exhausted from getting up early and most of us volunteered again for tomorrow to help move people in so we called it an early night. Of course then I went with "the guys" to eat at Cookout but now I'm back in my dorm, showered, tired, and about to hit the hay!

Here's to another great day tomorrow!! :D

&

I Love This Bar

I've been thinking a lot lately about a radical life. One that Jesus could look at and it look familiar to Him, like He was reliving His life on earth. I've been thinking about how to make that my life. 

I realize the irony of me typing this out on my Macbook Pro, in the kitchen of my fully-furnished 3 story house, complete with electricity, heat, air, running water, indoor plumbing, etc. But I'm not perfect. 

Anyway. There's this country song that comes on the radio, and I don't know if the title is actually "I Love This Bar" but that's the gist of the song. 

Anyway, the premise of it is that anyone can come as they are, there's no fee required to get in, and all types of people from all different walks of life come together here. Granted, they are getting drunk and dancing around acting all silly, but that's beside the point. 

THE POINT IS that this concept of Mr. Keith's bar is the ideal church. It's his sanctuary. The church should be our sanctuary. 

It reminds me of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, because the gypsy (Esmerelda) is trying to run away from those silly racist, judgmental white people who are trying to kill her basically, and when she gets to the cathedral she's legally permitted to claim "sanctuary" so no one can touch her because she's in God's house and He shows no partiality (as it says over and over again in the Bible). 

She was discriminated against because of something incredibly trivial, as most of tend to fall victim to at some point or another, and on either end of the persecution. It makes me sad for humanity, but even more sad for Christianity. I mean, aren't we supposed to get like Jesus and show NO partiality? 

That's why I like the concept of this song, and the bar. Because our mentality should be toward everyone that we will accept them and love them dearly and meet them wherever they are, so they can "come as they are" just like they can in the presence of Jesus. It's called grace. And we need to practice it. (2 Peter 3:18)

Sorry for all the side-tracking, but it also reminds me about a book I read called Blue Like Jazz and the author submits a combination of an auto-biography and a "Christian nonfiction book" and in part of it he talks about how he spent a month (the month before he was supposed to be speaking at a Christian summer camp) in the woods with a bunch of hippies. That's not an exaggeration either. He didn't shower the whole time, he lived "off the land", he smoked weird things, and he said he was super skeptical of these people at first, but that they were the most accepting and the most loving people he'd ever met. And so when he got to this camp, a girl (who was from Bob Jones University, which if any of you know me you know why that's hilarious) who took one look at him and kind of awkwardly told him he needed to shower and shave. And he was very hippy-fied so he was pretty chill about it. And it was interesting because it's quite true that "Christians" are some of the most hypocritical, judgmental, unloving people there are, and we could learn a pretty big lesson from these "heathens" we so often cringe at the sight of. 

Anyway. I'm learning to practice love. And grace. And grow in the knowledge of Jesus. By reading the Bible. 

I hope this encourages you, my friends! 

&

Romans 6

Too much to iterate. Like really.

Today I did a lot of things before noon. 'Twas weird.
In between a breakfast appointment and an orthodontist appointment, I parked my little rear end at the library and read/studied the book of Romans and prayed. It was really awesome.
And then I found out that our college worship group was looking at Romans 6 tonight and I was like, "WHAAAT?!" Total God thing.

I wish I had the words to say everything I needed to say, but I have written it down in my notebook. I haven't finished praying about the rest of what I read today, but I would be more than delighted to share with you all the things I've been learning about God and Jesus and prayer and faith!

Side note: I think I've decided that I really really want to start a new "project" of sorts this semester, kind of just for fun -
-So I bought this kinda old 35mm camera for $1 at another yard sale the weekend we had our big Luke 18:22 one, and I've been dying to use it basically just for the heck of it, and for the fun of taking film pictures and getting them developed! I want to do it with a purpose, though. Since I do still own a digital camera and can, if necessary, use it to take snapshots of my everyday life, I want to embark on a film adventure while at school! I just have no idea what to base it on, and I do want it to have a purpose...

I am absolutely open to suggestion! Though I am thinking along the lines of something similar to a 365, except not that really at all. Haha that made no sense. I want it to be something that reflects more than just photos, you know? But also more than my life. Something deeper and beyond that. Don't get me wrong, I do want it to be representative of my life and the journeys I take between August and December (for fall semester), but I don't know where to take it. I am by NO MEANS a photographer. I do like pictures, and pretty things, and admiring God's creation, and I enjoy taking pictures to capture memories, but I'm no pro like some of my friends.

By the same token, I've also been challenged to live a life away from the camera - to not have to document my life for the world to see, but just to savor experiences and cherish what God does to make everything so awesome. So I'm torn. It's not like I would carry this little film camera around everywhere, because there are only so many pictures on the roll of film. But I think I'm going to explore and pray and see where God might take this. Because I really do want to do it for fun, but more than anything I want to glorify Him with it.

We shall see where this goes!

Until then, keep the faith my friends!

&

Dance Moms

I watch too much television.
I don't pray enough.
I make bracelets instead of reading the Bible.
Hmm.

School starts in 2.5 weeks, and I move in in less than 2. CRAZY.
I've got to make some changes.
Something's gotta give.

Game on.

Hebrews 4:16 

Two Things:

You know, people always talk about how “perfect” it is to “not have a cloud in the sky” but personally I disagree. I think clouds are wonderful. They’re beautiful. They’re captivating. They are pure designs of God’s creativity and great mystery. 

I love that God, through nature, has the ability (and the sense of humor) to take one person’s rain cloud and give someone else a pretty post-card picture. The wonder, mystery, and beauty of Him who made everything never ceases to amaze me. And I am ever-so thankful.












And another thing - I really enjoy this song: He Will Carry Me by Mark Schultz.


It's been a great day. I am thankful for so many things. Too many to be named, but all heard by God in the depths of my heart. He is so good. 

Leviticus is Gnarly on a Full Stomach

It's true.

I've almost finished Leviticus, actually. I'm trying to read the whole Bible. I just hope I stick it out until the end. Haha. But today I heard a verse that said to "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord, Jesus Christ" (2 Peter 3:18) and I was like... okay, yeah, that means read the Bible. Got it. Yes. So I'm excited about this adventure.

Tonight I got to spend some time with my dear, dear friend Lindsey who just got back from Africa and is about to go to Kentucky! Such a world traveler. I love catching up with people and especially hear about how God has been working in them and changing their lives. It's so so cool!

Last night I went to dinner for a friend of mine's birthday and afterwards went to someone's house and had a bonfire/played Catchphrase for HOURS! It was super fun and I still smell like smoke. I really just love my friends, old and new.

The night before I went and babysat in B-burg and I was terrified to drive there by myself in RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC! No fun. But I obviously made it in once piece. Got paid pretty well and hung out with my long lost best school friend TRAVIS! Which was great.

Life is good, and I really can't complain. Honestly, I'm struggling with my faith because God is pulling at me to grow and I'm still stuck on earth and resisting, but I'm growing in prayer and in my love for people and His Word so I'm liking where I'm headed right now. I know I'll never be perfect, and will always fall short, but THANK GOD for grace and love and mercy. I want it to consume me forever and ever and I want to jovially spread it to the world! One act of kindness and Jesus-love at a time. (:

&

God is Crazy Awesome.

And for now I'm just going to have to leave it at that. We had a lot of intimate time together today, but I'm so exhausted that I hardly think I can type a coherent sentence. So, until next time!

& (I just really like this symbol; it also helps me imply that this is not the end, and there will always be a next time.)

Happy August 1st!

Today might be a day that I blog twice... Maybe.
Because, I'm doing it now, 35 minutes into the day, which is actually still yesterday's night because I have yet to sleep. Okay.

I am praying for a renewing of my mind and heart and spirit. God is providing. I just yearn for a love that never fails, and my heart is rediscovering its passion that is the Christ, Jesus. Later today, I will be hanging out with a dear, dear friend of mine who always encourages me and spurs me on, whether she knows it or not. I have this desire to be in fellowship with believers who build me up and hold me accountable to Christ. I'm looking forward to growing my relationship with God alongside my sister in Christ.

I want a heart that will continually sing praises and rejoice to God for He is SO GOOD!

Lord, let my heart be on fire for You; let me burn with the passion to love as You have loved; to give as You have given; to embrace the eternity that has been set upon my heart and spread Your Gospel of Truth like a wildfire!

*26 days until the start of the semester. PUMPED!

Oh, The Shame...

I think the reason I have not been posting lately (or at least one of them) is because I am currently ashamed of my life. Ha! If that makes any sense...

Oh well. I have done not a whole lot of productive things, and while a few things off my summer goals checklist are being accomplished, I still feel rushed, and panicked, and ... unfulfilled.

I've already mentioned that I suck at praying. And that's probs why I don't feel satisfied with anything. I've been doing nothing but working and trying to be "productive" but it's gotten me nowhere. Because I haven't been focusing on God, giving Him my time, or diving into the Word like I should. Bleh. I don't like this version of myself. I like the version of myself that lets God shine through me by meditating on His words and with Him.

If you want, pray for me in that. Thanks, dude.

☮&❤

All The Talk

I'm coming to understand the awful way that "we" talk about Christianity. I'm guilty of this too. We're too religious. That's exactly what the devil wants: us becoming so comfortable with "Christianity" that we forget about God and He becomes routine instead of all-powerful and mysterious and wonderful and loving!

That is all. I'm out of town for the weekend to hang out with my long lost friends from school and take a break from work and the internet. Auf Wiedersehen!

Jesus loves you !

Pastors and Preachers

Today I sang at church #1, attended half of Sunday school, and played piano at church #2. Got paid for church #2, ate lunch at Grandma's, went home and napped until 5:30, and went to church with the youngins. I'm Skyping with one of my close friends from school tonight! So that should be super fun!

Anyway, something I thought about today while my pastor was preaching: I think a lot of the time, members of a community like mine, who are part of the church congregation, are really petty a lot of the time. And I feel like they look for any little sign of the pastor failing or sinning or doing something wrong just to have something to talk about and to try to make themselves better by thinking of him as a hypocrite.

Well anyway, I really like my pastor. Today he was talking about how he is a crazy driver and how he gets angry at people when he drives and stuff, and he talks about that a lot. I think it's funny. But today what I realized was that he's good at being vulnerable. Which is what we're called to be in a body of Christ. Almost everyone in the congregation was/is wearing a mask - they look pretty and calm to show up on Sunday mornings and hear Rev preach, making small talk along the way that means nothing, but they're never real with each other. What's sad is that the truth doesn't come out until someone's drunk. And yes, I am still talking about "Christians". Which is the saddest part.

It's people like this, I've noticed, who want Rev to fall, to make a mistake, so they can find a reason to complain about him. It's funny though: he's one of the most dedicated men of God that I know. People complain about small things that don't matter. Maybe we need a lesson in complaining, as in NOT DOING IT. I realized the Catch 22 in complaining about people who complain. I'm not trying to complain, just state the facts that everyone makes mistakes, but it's how they choose to repent and react that either grows them or tears 'em down.

I feel like that was kind of a ramble.

In other news, I'm writing my friend a letter. Which I think is kind of funny. We live quite close to each other physically, but hardly ever have time to interact in person for any length of time, especially an extended length of time. AND this friend will be out of town for 2 weeks so I've decided to write a letter explaining what's new in my life that said friend would be interested in and talk about my day.

I s'pose that's all. I have business to attend to, and it's almost midnight! Ahh I'm so behind!

Tyrant Kings

That is the title of the song I am currently listening to. It's a good one. You should check it out.

The main thing on my mind right now is YARD SALE!!! I'm so pumped. I had a friend drop stuff by tonight for us to sell, and 5 other friends giving us stuff TOMORROW last minute! We are so excited, especially since we're not doing this for ourselves. I think that makes us more generous. Which is weird, but also really cool.

I'm trying to get in a piano-practice groove, but it's sometimes difficult when I work until 8. But I'm getting there, so that's been fun. Still no hymn progress. Oh well.

Tomorrow is going to be a BIG day! This is going to be a wonderfully exhausting weekend. And all totally worth it!

And to top it all off, I get paid tomorrow for job #1! And I've already decided to treat myself to an iced mocha from Mill Mountain coffee. Yesssssssss.

My new favorite song (which you saw yesterday) is Even If It Breaks Your Heart by Will Hoge.

God is really REALLY good and awesome. Just as a reminder.

I got to talk to a co-worker today about church and God a little bit. It was interesting. She doesn't go to church, but was very open in talking about it. What was cool to me, though, was that she got it: she said that youth group bothered her because it just seemed like people went there to hang out, not to worship or learn like you're supposed to. And this coming from an "outsider" so to speak. She says she likes to go to another church sometimes with her friend where it's a lot of old people who are there for the right reasons. Granted, she goes with her friend and boyfriend, but that's neither here nor there. It's always cool to get to talk about my faith and understand others' points of view.

Anyway.

Yard Sale. 

Keep On Dreamin'

Today I was mildly productive. But, productive nonetheless. That is if you consider what I did today productive. Now I can't even remember half of what I did. I'll try and remember.

I woke up late. I feel ashamed for waking up late. It's weird. I've recently been convicted of that by John Wesley. Perhaps I'll write on that at some point in the future.
I ate my cereal and continued reading Acts.
I cleaned my room (vacuum and all. Actually, just vacuum.)
I practiced piano.
I got in contact with several people today regarding our yard sale which is in 3 days!!! I have anywhere from 3-5 people donating more stuff! It's crazy. I got an exercise bike today from a guy I know at church who heard about the sale. People are being really supportive, and it's really great!
I ate pizza and WATERMELON which I have determined to be my FAVORITE FRUIT OF ALL TIME. Yes.
I've been getting kind of frustrated lately, with myself and other people. With myself for a lot of things. I don't pray. I don't trust. My faith feels faint. It's not that I'm struggling with it or doubting it, but I think that's a problem because I'm not DOING anything that requires faith in God. I just have it to have it because it's there and stuff.

The reason I don't think I've been productive today is because I haven't spent time with God. I try to get all this stuff done so I can feel accomplished about myself and about my day, but my life is pointless and meaningless without praising and worshipping and spending time with my awesome God. It sucks, really. I keep saying "I'm gonna try" or whatever, and I do I guess, but I keep avoiding the obvious, the simplest of Christianity concepts because they're the hardest for me to execute. I am of little faith. Let's work on that, shall we?

One thing I did forget today: to play any hymns. At least out of the Worship Hymnal. Whoops!

Today I found out that I like the song "Even If It Breaks Your Heart" by Will Hodge because Eli Young Band recorded it and it's on the radio, but it was less expensive to buy it from the original artist, which is kind of crazy if you think about it.

I need some perspective. I liked the "Keep on dreamin' even if it breaks your heart."

Because, why would I stop dreaming? It's kind of a parallel to faith, I think - to keep having faith ("keep the faith") even when things get rough and you feel broken, because there's a Savior who can make you whole again.

Another thing: I think my life might be "easy" because God doesn't trust me with any big stuff. I haven't been faithful in the little stuff, which is why I'm trying to start over, but I don't feel fulfilled because I'm not being faithful in all that I know I should. Bahhhh. I'm so torn.

Just A Few Things...

1. I did not practice any hymns today. Whoops! I did, however, TRY to practice Bach, and I DID practice some of my music for church tomorrow/Sunday. Tomorrow I will try and run the whole program for Sunday (since I just remembered I'm playing more than an offertory and choir music, hehe) and bring out the ol' Worship Hymnal.

2. I am amazed at the flakiness of the human nature. I hate it, but it amazes me. I try to be as reliable as possible, but I know sometimes I'm not. Which is why I am quick to forgive those who flake out on me. I've just experienced a lot of it lately and figured I'd share it as some food for thought.

3. I'm doing a crazy (well it seems to be for me) ab workout. It's like some "30 day challenge" but really I just wanna see if I can keep it up a week. Haha. Today was day 2. Not that anyone cares. This will be the last time I post about it.

4. "Trusting God" is a trending topic on Twitter!!! That makes me incredibly happy. Trusting God is SO SO SO important. Something we forget about a lot because for whatever reasons we assume we're trusting God because we've been good little "Christians" for so long that it comes naturally. In reality, though, we're just as anxious and worried as the next guy because we assume any matter can be handled by humans but are worried until we get a physical, visible, tangible result. God doesn't work that way. He tells us to have HOPE and JOY and to TRUST in Him. Which means not worrying about the future, and resting assured in the promise of eternity because THAT is the outcome. And as long as we have faith in God and Jesus's death and resurrection, we don't have to worry about anybody or anything screwing that up. Salvation is ours upon trusting in Jesus.

5. I am enjoying having full days off of work. Just sayin'. Less money, yes, but also less time smelling like a sweaty, greasy, hot mess! Plus with my "second job" (piano playing) I'm still making some decent summer money. HOORAH!

6. Our yard sale is coming together so quickly and so well! I'm picking up something tomorrow, a few things Friday night (cutting it close! But whatever) and hopefully some more things here and there in the next 3 days! Alexa and I are so excited! Refer to the end of this post for the details.

7. I am rediscovering my love for the Harry Potter book series. A great deal of gratitude to Ms. Rowling.

8. I am still struggling with prayer.

9. I had dinner with my dad today.

On That Note...

Quote found on Pinterest:

"God doesn't promise

days without pain, 

laughter without sorrow, 

nor sun without rain; 

but He does promise 

strength for the day, 

comfort for the tears, 

and light for the way."

See James 1:2-3, John 8:12, Isaiah 40:31, Lamentations 3:22-23

Abs

Related (sort of) to yesterday's post, I'm learning a lot about faith, trust, discipline, choices, and a firm foundation. And I continue to revel in how delicately God created the world and all that's in the world to form wonderful analogies to faith, Jesus, and a relationship with Him.

Today I found that in my diet and working out.

I ate healthily all day long, until mom and I demolished a package of Oreos. I ate Frosted Mini Wheats for breakfast, a peanut butter sandwich on wheat bread, carrots, and a banana for lunch, Sun Chips, blueberries, and cherries for lunch, and baked Tilapia for dinner! Then I ate all the stupid Oreos.

I'm pacing myself, though. I felt what it was like to put my trust in God for something that could bring glory to Him - treating my body like a temple (the way He created it to be) and stop putting junk in it, start toning it and gaining strength and endurance. That way, I have longer and more opportunities to advance His Kingdom. It must sound silly, and part of me reverts back to doing all this for personal gain. And I admit, part of me just did a disgusting ab workout because I'm unhappy with the current physical state of things. But then I tell Satan to shush and I turn back to God who's telling me to persevere and stay strong in mind, body, and soul.

Now I just need to work on the soul part.

I officially start my job as Riverdale Baptist Church's new summer pianist on Wednesday! I'm both nervous and excited for this opportunity, and a little extra cash (to pay for college, haha).

I'll try to start the hymns back up tomorrow - I HAVE THE DAY OFF! And yet so many errands to run...

Au revoir!

Simple Solutions

It's a funny lesson I'm learning. Because it's the lesson we've been told, taught - the one that's been drilled into our heads since preschool - since we first heard the Good News of Jesus.
Fully Rely On God (F.R.O.G.)

The reason it's funny right now, though, is because I keep trying to make all these changes in my life and set goals and do all these different things like staying organized, working hard, reading books, eating healthy, exercising, all that jazz, and say I'm doing it to the glory of God, without even talking to Him about it first. The road to a better life isn't about trying to improve myself physically or whatever, it's about constant communication with God; that involves both LISTENING and responding; asking and giving. If I truly want to live a life worth living, I need to start with the One who gave it to me. God knows I need Him, and I know I need Him. I've just got to start acting like it and surrendering to it. Because that's hard, surrender. Humility. Vulnerability. I'm especially bad at that one. Which is kind of weird, actually. Anyway, that's a different story all together.

I'm gonna spend some time praying tonight to the God of the universe; the God who is in control of everything, from aligning the planets, to my beating heart, to science, to nature, to the human heart and mind. It is through Him that I get results. But not self-centered results that will make me more appealing according to worldly standards: the results that lead to eternal life and leaving a legacy of Christ through my life, my words, and my actions.

Thank You, God, for your mercy and grace. Thank You for Jesus most of all.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with a music director of the church I'm going to be playing for the rest of the summer. It's going to be a mad dash from there to work. I'm going to try and eat healthy at work. Mostly I'm gonna try to distract myself from the temptation that is food by praying, reading, cleaning, serving, and making bracelets. I pray that it works, but mostly I pray that I glorify God with my shift tomorrow.

I practiced that Prelude and Fugue in G Major for the first time in a while today. It was interesting. The first time I've played through the whole fugue. It sucked. Haha. I'm going to try to discipline my piano practice, especially on my days off. I've been slacking on hymns too. I have to now practice offertories for Sunday mornings. I don't think they should be too hard, it's just a matter of making sure they sound good and I get through them without any NOTICEABLE mistakes.

I'm getting an exercise bike from a guy at my church who's giving it to me and Alexa for our yard sale! Seriously, everyone ever should come. We know that this event will glorify God, and God is glorified even in the small victories, but we want to be able to reach people not only with our stuff and service but with the witness that Jesus will save your life if you let Him and you love Him and you love people. We're trying to love people.

I think that's the most of the ramblings for today. I want to be strengthened by the ability to forgive. That's only gonna come from God, and I just have to be willing to let it in. To let HIM in really.

Decaf coffee tomorrow. Yes.

Thup

Today has been weird, for a number of reasons!
I've been super emotional today/the last couple of days (three guesses as to why) so I was crazy today!
I hung out with Alexa and we finished all our yard sale signs and whatnot and I'm super excited to put them up around the neighborhood! We also got supplies so we can make refreshments for people! AND we got more people to agree to donate things to our yard sale so we have more for people and to eventually donate! YAY!

Then she was forced to go shopping (which is funny) and I had to go to work. It was kind of pointless, but whatever. The "late" shift does nothing but I got to hang out with my friend Brooke and we went swimming after hours. Good times.

I cried hysterically when my mom wouldn't let me watch Harry Potter because she was watching Father of the Bride. Now I'm watching Tangled.

I think it's really cool when you can see that people, or just one someone, are actually listening to you.

God's spirit is bubbling inside of me, and I need to figure out how to hone it and use it for His glory.

Thup is a word Alexa says a lot. More of an action she made up that has a sound along with it.

We found an old, working, camera that belongs to Alexa's mom today in her closer while looking for yard sale stuff. I took some pictures, but who knows if it'll even work because it's old and there may not even be film in it but it was really fun to play with! I wanna take it on a real photo shoot and get the film developed! I wonder if her parents would let us...

LUKE 18:22 YARD SALE!

Alexa's and my yard sale is exactly one week from tomorrow! We're super excited and anxious in preparing for it and for being able to carry out our idea! Also, we are still accepting donations, up until the night before. Here's the link to the "event" on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/events/407515919284712/

"Sell all you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven." -Luke 18:22

Launch!

Ahh today was great. I spent time with wonderful friends, ate at Thelma's Chicken and Waffles and went to Launch! We continued to talk about James. And in the words of Scott Quirin: He punched me in the throat with the Word. It was great.

Basically, it was James chapter 3 and though I've read it and understood it before, I was really convicted tonight to watch what I say so closely. I've been working on that a lot recently anyway, but in a different kind of way (like implementing the Gospel into everything I talk about which isn't entirely successful but whatever) and now I just want to make sure I don't say anything that will make me a hypocrite. Or mean or rude or whatever. To talk to people with love is SO important. I'm guilty of just going to church and hyping about Jesus and then going to work and gossiping like the next person and talking bad about other people. That's not the way it's supposed to be.

I'm not gonna say "starting now I'm turning over a new leaf!" But I am saying that starting now, I will be praying for God's strength to help keep me from stumbling with my tongue. Because I will do it, but I want to try not to do it and be conscious of exactly why I'm trying not to say bad things that can hurt people and such.

Anyway, great day. My brother comes home from Europe tonight, in a few hours actually so that'll be... fun I guess. Haha. I've enjoyed the quiet, but I'm glad for him to be home.

All for now.

Peace,Love,&Jesus

Olympic Games

June 27th: I worked. Then I went to Praise Team rehearsal at my church. THEN I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH 2 OF MY AWESOME FRIENDS! And we ate cookie dough and drank Amp. It was glorious.

June 28th: Made an appearance at VBS, worked, came home. Went running. It was fabulous.

June 29th: Worked. Again. The power went out at my house and millions of houses in the U.S. apparently. We completely blacked out at about 9:30 p.m. Mom and I played Scrabble and I played the piano (the stuff I had memorized).

June 30th: I woke up to my grandma in my house and she had cake. It was 11:30, so I had cake for breakfast. Then I went to work. Our power came back on, thankfully, at around 4:30 in the afternoon. But I brought my computer to work to charge it. Came home. My grandpa was here this time because he didn't have power back in his house yet. He slept in a chair in our living room because he got cold and had to move from the bed on the couch.

July 1st: Was today. I had my first day off in a week, after working 50 hours in 7 days. I went to church and sang. Ate lunch with mom and grandma. Went shopping. Bought 4 shirts and a pair of shoes. I tried to take a nap but it didn't work. Went back to church. It was bittersweet for a number of reasons. But it was good.

I came home and watched the Olympic trials and Army Wives. I wanted to go running, and I needed to mow, but I didn't. I'm hoping to motivate myself to get up and go in the morning.

The weather is crazy here. Temperatures are in the 100's and people are going insane because of the combination of high heat and lack of power/AC. It sucks. I'm very fortunate. I just... don't deserve this. I need to get rid of all my gunk. Live a different life. I'm so tired.

Allergies

...are killing me.

I sincerely hate my cat.

That is all.

Time

Today I went to work. Worked on my bracelet that still isn't done. Mopped the floors at work. Helped the swim team coach at work meaning I got to work "overtime" which was cool I guess.

I went to Alexa's house and we began our quest for sorting out our massive piles of yard sale stuff. It's getting pretty intense. We watched Bunheads. I really like that show a lot.

I came home, spent too much time on the computer, took a shower, and here we are. I need to be brief because the internet is distracting me from Jesus.

Sayonara.

THERE IS NO CHARGE FOR AWESOMENESS.

Okay hi. I've been a'slackin' lately. My apologies.

Recently, though, I've just been working a lot, and talking to God a lot. So, how's about I give you the lowdown on my weekend?

Friday I got up super early (8:15, haha) and did a little bit of packing, and then met a good friend/former calculus teacher at Panera for coffee to, you know, talk and stuff and catch up on life. We had some really great conversation and I was incredibly grateful to have gotten to talk to her. We talked about life, and school, and work, and math, and Jesus and it was great! We got to talk about our walks with Christ and our families and how God as Father is different for some people and just about how radically different your life looks when you love and follow Jesus. It was the greatest, and I'm hoping to get to hang out with her again soon!!

After that, I went home, ate lunch, packed up my car and drove my very first big girl road trip all by myself from my house to Richmond which took about 2 and a half hours. I was so scared and nervous that my car wouldn't make it, but I got there and back with 3/4 of a tank of gas in 320 miles! I felt so accomplished. Well anyway I was going to visit some friends from school because we hadn't seen each other in a month, and it was SO MUCH FUN! We hung out, watched thunderstorms, played cards, went swimming, and had a really nice time catching up and hanging out! Unfortunately I had to drive back Saturday night while others stayed until Sunday, but it was a great deal of fun.

While I was gone Saturday my BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD AT THE MOMENT and his dad moved a piano from the church to my house so now I have two pianos and it was free!!!!! I am forever grateful. When I got home last night I played on it. It's horribly out of tune, but IT WAS FREE and that's an easy fix. (: (: (:

Sunday (today) was absolutely insane. Of course, I'm exhausted and crazily sunburnt from yesterday, but I had to be at my church at 8:30 this morning to sing, and right after I had to be at another church all the way across town to play the piano (which I got paid for, holler!) and then I had to be at work at 12:30. Ha well I got there at 1:00, but it's whatever. I could not keep my eyes open at work today! I was so tired. I could not wait to close. I actually left some work undone because I'm opening tomorrow and I was too tired to clean so I decided to get there early tomorrow and finish it up.

I'm going to watch Army Wives tonight because it's coming on again. I'm so pumped. I wanna take a bath, kinda. But I also wanna wash my hair. But I think I'm gonna go running in the morning so maybe I'll wait.

Can I just talk about how awesome God is? Because seriously, I just have no words. No accurate words, no words strong enough, vivid enough to portray His awesome greatness. These words do not do Him justice. I am so grateful for all He's done for me and all He continues to do because otherwise I'd be lost and dead in sin. Instead I die to myself daily and rid myself of sin by praying for forgiveness from God through Jesus blood. Which is insane.

Praying is great. It's so fun and just awesome. Whoever cares to, pray for my friend Chelsea, my friend Kelly, and my friend Kourtney. That is all. (:

Here's to a Jesus-filled summer!

Hymn update soon!

Don't forget about mine and Alexa's yard sale happening July 14th! Luke 18:22 - "Sell all you have and give to the poor and you will have treasure in Heaven." We're still taking donations!

God bless!

<3

Thoughts

Today I:
Went to work
Got locked out, which led to reading and tanning.
Watered the grass
Tanned and read some more
Mowed the back yard
Took a shower
Practiced piano
and
Watched some TV.

I read something a few minutes ago that really struck a chord with me, from Proverbs:

"He promises a place to quiet your thoughts in His presence. "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'"

God is good. 

Where You Go, We Will Follow

Thank You God for:
time
sky
clouds
mountains
cars
books
the Bible
grace
prescriptions
Jesus
love
friends
parents
intestines
fingers
keyboards
hymns
Bach
shoes
feet
tables
coffee
coffee
coffee
speakers
food
houses
clothes
colors
the ocean
THE SUN
THE SON
piano
teachers
math
belts
boxes
calendars
the color red
the letter W
fireworks
balloons
bubbles
cotton candy
apples
kidneys
livers
brains
minds
consciences
clips
outlets
music
art
church
THE church
string
cats
grass
hammocks
peace
unity
prayer
shadows
valleys
soup
fruit
songs
violins
guitars
J. K. Rowling
Girl Scouts
yearbooks
cards
matches
hand sanitizer
Pez
crayons
Easter
Christmas
killing death with death and life at the same time
being awesome
and strong
and gentle
and loving
and merciful
and fair
and powerful
and welcoming
and faithful
and everywhere
knowing me
helping me
giving me more than I deserve
hope
JOY
Alyssa
Tori
college
towels
perfume
water
marriage
sex
children
earrings
toes
hair
plates
paper
thumbtacks
medicine
pens
pins
work
cameras
maps
history
being my All in All
being I Am
loving me, forgiving me, extending grace to me when I don't deserve it. Which is all the time.

Please, God, forgive me. There is so much evil in my heart and I have to work so hard to get it out because it's a part of me and it's engrained in me. But so is Your Word and Truth, and eternity. Help me to dwell on THAT. I know I don't have the strength to rid myself of all this grossness, so  pray that You do it for me. Or help me. I want my heart set on You. Focused on You. Spending time with You. Reading Your Word. Not given Satan a foothold to tear me down. Not giving in to temptation. Please. Help me. You are so good and so awesome and wonderful. Your beauty in creation never ceases to astound me and I thank you for the masterful artwork you designed for our aesthetic pleasure, to demonstrate your vastness and goodness that we are able to praise You for.

Amen.

James 5:16

Apologies. I've been at a loss for words. Probably because I'm not really listening to God and praying enough, and He's urging me to direct my words to Him.

Prayer. We search and look so so so hard for answers to problems that we think God needs to solve, but we forget to pray. I read something today that said something along the lines of "Talking to man for the sake of God is great, and talking to God for the sake of man is even greater still." I believe that to be true, but I'm having a hard time sitting in the presence of God.

I realized: part of it is that if I truly pray the way God wants me to, He's gonna make me face forgiving my dad. Which I'm not sure if I'm ready for. But, I've been saying that for years. If I don't put this in God's hands and obey Him, I'm going to have the Holy Spirit and my conscience gnawing at my soul until I do. The good thing, though, is that once I set myself free from this sin and bitterness, I will WANT to spend time with God because I won't feel guilty about it.

I haven't really told anyone that in those exact words. Oh well. Now the world wide web will get a taste of my real, vulnerable life.

I'm watching Bunheads. The Blindside just went off. I'm hungry. I cut myself shaving today. I went to work, finished a book, went for a run, and took a shower. I learned that prayer is the biggest chunk of necessity missing from my life.

God is doing some crazy things in my life. I'm excited to answer His call, and listen as He shows me where to go.

I have some food to a homeless man the other day. That was my first step, I think. Satan tried to make me feel bad about it. That's when I realized that the more good we do in the name of Jesus, the more opposition we're gonna face, and the worse we're gonna feel until we realize that God is so much bigger than all of that. He knows my heart, and Satan's just trying to get me away from that. I realized, also, that he's trying to keep me away from prayer, because that's a victory for him. But I don't wanna give him that. I want to give God everything. And that starts with prayer. So, when will I take my first step? Well I don't know. But I know that wonderful things will happen when I do.

On My Day Off

I'm tired, so first, I'm going to thank God for things for 60 seconds:

friends
talking
saliva
shoes
paper
cards
computers
bags
tissues
medicine
flags
the cross
green
circles
outlets
letters
colons
punctuation
organs
pianos
intestines

I had a hard time thinking of things. I think every once in a while I'm gonna collect all my 60 seconds of praising Jesus and write them down to remind myself what I have to be thankful for when things don't seem so great.

Today was interesting. I went on a very short run, drove to Salem (which was TERRIBLE) to meet with a lady at the church I'm going to be subbing for next week and potentially 2 more times this summer. I drove back, and the whole trip was over 2 hours! including spending half an hour at the church. Craziness. But I'm excited to make some extra money on top of the job I already have. That's always a good time. I also got an email back from a church MUCH closer to home and life that may be willing to let me do some subbing this summer as well. It's amazing how hugely God provides when we take the time to just do our part and trust in Him! Crazy, really. But we serve a crazy God. An awesome God, but a crazy one. Which is totally and completely AWESOME!!

Anyway, I went to C.Re.W. after that and we had a cookout and I sat around and talked with some cool people, my friends Corina and Kathryn gave me a ton of stuff to put in the yard sale/donate! I can't wait to go through it all and see what they decided to get rid of.

I also had a really great talk with my sister tonight. It was good to get to hang out with her. I talked a lot about what I had read in Jesus For President and I'm going to get her to read it so we can discuss it and hold each other accountable for what it's taught us. We're also going to Frogurt on Friday. But no big deal.

I forgot my hymn count. I got past the 500 mark, though! I think my goal was to be finished by the 15th of June, but I'm not sure if that will actually happen. I'll try and practice a lot tomorrow and Friday, though, but it probably will not happen. Which I am sad about. I'm also still in the process of learning my Prelude and Fugue. My goal is to have the first page of my Fugue learned by next Wednesday (so, in a week).

That's all for now. I've started that new book by TobyMac and I think I'm going to like it a lot! It's a lot about unity among Christians spread among nations and nationalities and how connected we are in the body of Christ and I'm really excited to read his insights on what his song means to him and what it should mean to us as Christians. I have to work tomorrow, so I'll probably get some good reading in. I also need to get gas, get shots, and go to Manna. YAY! :D

Reminder about my and Alexa's yard sale: July 14th, 8 a.m. - 4 p.m., 5124 Carter Grove Lane, Roanoke, VA 24012, all proceeds and left over merchandise is being donated - NOTHING is being used for profit or personal gain, we will be selling refreshments and treats. EVERYONE EVER SHOULD COME. :D

More info from my last post is here!

Conversations

So today I was at work, talking to one of the girls I work with and her cousin who was just standing at the window because we were slow and bored and whatnot. And I don't remember exactly what brought up the conversation, but I do remember talking about dying or something, I mean it was really light-hearted and really just joking around and stuff and this girl, Rachel, who I work with said well something didn't matter (like I said, I don't remember the conversation) because she was going to be cremated.

OH NOW I REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS. We were talking about being organ donors, like on our drivers' licenses, and her cousin, Paige, was like, "Ew, why would you do that? I'm not gonna do that!" And so I explained to her (because she's like 13) that it just meant that if you die in a car accident or something the medics have permission to use your organs for living people who need them, and that when I'm dead I'm not going to have any use for them. That's when Rachel (15) said she was going to be cremated.

Okay yeah. Then I said, "I'm want to be cremated too because I'll take up less space that way. And when I'm dead it won't matter!" They both just kind of laughed at that. And then, kind of out of nowhere, and I almost surprised myself by saying this out loud, to these girls whom I barely know, but I just randomly said, "You know, I'm just really tired of living here, and I wish I could die and go to Heaven right now, because it's just going to be so much better!"

Immediately, Rachel, with a shocked look on her face, said, "WHAT?! Well what if Heaven doesn't even exist? And what about all the atheists?" To that I simply replied, "Well I believe that it exists, and when I die, that's where I'm going, because I believe in Jesus." That's pretty much where the conversation ended, and Rachel didn't really say much after that. She just kind of looked down and changed the subject. But as I was walking back to where she and her cousin, Paige, were standing, Paige kind of looked at me and whispered, "Me too."

Anyway, it was kind of an interesting little conversation. I'm actually really hoping to get to talk to Rachel more about Jesus now that I basically threw the whole, "I wanna die and go to Heaven" thing at her out of nowhere. I don't know what's going to come of it, but I do know that being faithful to God by planting seeds of the Good News of Jesus into people's hearts and minds means that God will give me the words and love to speak His Truth.

So basically I got my first glimpse today of what it's like to openly and proudly declare the love of Jesus and His great power and love and mercy when it's not wanted, which is what I'm supposed to do. It was a little weird, but that first step gave me all the more confidence to be bold about my faith and bold about my awesome God! :D

On that note, I am SO CLOSE to being done with Jesus For President. I think I'm actually going to try and finish it tonight, because I really only have a teensy tiny bit left. It has truly been an inspiring book and I encourage anyone, if they can get their hands on a copy and some spare time, to read it, cover to cover, footnotes, appendixes, and all. Tomorrow I will be moving on to either City On Our Knees by Toby Mac, or Own Your Faith by...someone. Hehe.

And now, 60 seconds praising Jesus for:

tables
chairs
napkins
glasses
doors
skies
mountains
oceans
seat belts
pockets
change
checks
envelopes
people
family
friends
babies
electricity
google
tanktops
pianos
Canada
lamps
ribbons
numbers
pi
teachers

Side note: I am so beyond grateful for EVERY teacher I've ever had, and teachers I've never had, who profess their faith in Jesus Christ. I know it's forbidden in public schools, but I can't wait to spread the love of Jesus like a wildfire when I become a teacher. Jesus constantly pushed boundaries, and I cannot say 'thank you' enough to my teachers who have done that. I'm thinking of one in particular who actually fueled my desire to become a math teacher and to do it well for Jesus! God calls us to readily proclaim the Gospel in everything that we do, and if we're not doing it in our jobs, then maybe we need a new job. Or to redefine our jobs. And if we get fired, we are martyrs for Christ. Without the whole dying part. Though that has happened before.

Hymn count: (approximately) 492; hoping to get past the 500 mark tomorrow!

Just A Minute

I'm just gonna take a minute to write things I thank God for. I'm gonna set a timer for 60 seconds and just go. Because, how often do we spend just praising God and worshipping Him for all that He does, and all that He's done, and how AWESOME HE IS?!? We don't. And the truth is, when Jesus gave the disciples that model prayer, it's like 89% about giving God praise and adoration and honor and glory and declaring His wonderfulness among the nations and within our hearts, and 11% about US - what we want, what we need, what our friends need, what our family needs or wants, how we wanna change the world. So I'm just gonna focus on HIM for a minute.

the sun
the clouds
the sky
the earth
birds
trees
beds
showers
clothes
food
apples
pillows
clocks
people
love
grace
mercy
the Bible
Paul
the cross
music
ears
eyes
fingers
noses
plaid
string
sunglasses
cars
water
books
hats
candles
green
colors
art

Maybe I'll do this every time I blog - spend 60 seconds (or more, because that felt like not enough time to thank God) realizing all that God has blessed me with.

Also, my apologies for skimping out on a few days. I will also give a hymn number update soon. I believe I stopped last time somewhere around 481.

I watched Bun Heads tonight. It was really good and cute and SO MUCH like Gilmore Girls and I love it! Alexa and I started making signs for our Luke 18:22 yard sale which hopefully will be a big hit!

I spent time with my dear dear friend Chelsea yesterday. Talking to her somehow makes my day brighter. She's like a cute little ray of sunshine and Jesus, come to encourage me and make me laugh and hold me accountable for life. Which is great. And which I also need.

Oh, I got a Sunday morning piano job today! Which was exciting. It reminded me how God always provides even when we FORGET to do our part. Which also REMINDED ME to do my part now that I've been reminded and provided for and such. We really do serve an awesome God.

I'm almost done with Jesus For President. Seriously one of the best books I've read in a LONG time. I want to meet Shane Claiborne and shake his hand and say 'thank you'. Alexa and I have decided to follow Luke 14:13 and hold some sort of banquet at the church (with Rev's permission of course) and go out into the city and invite people we don't know who may not be as fortunate as we are. WE'RE GONNA SERVE LOTSA SPAGHETTI!!!

Also, I just decided that I'm going to end each post with the information for our yard sale, in case anyone is interested. (:

Luke 18:22 - "Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven."
Yard Sale - Saturday, July 14th 8 a.m. - 4 p.m.; 5124 Carter Grove Lane, Roanoke, VA 24012
Money made will ALL be donated to either The Rescue Mission, World Vision, Manna Ministries, or the church (or we will take suggestions for any other ministries). Left over items will be donated to both Good Will and Manna Ministries, and also kept to put in Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes this coming October/November. SO EVERYONE SHOULD COME! We're also gonna sell lemonade and some sort of tasty treat, and be playing awesome fun music the whole time!

God's grace and mercy be ever present in your lives, my friends.

Hmmm...

I find it harder and harder to write when I get tired.

Anyway, I worked this morning (11-4) and then I went to graduation to watch some of my babies graduate. (: It was special.

A couple of my friends are coming over soon to stay the night. That should be fun! Even though I have to work in the morning so I won't get to see them for long. :(

Okay so this whole idea of pacifism is really getting to me lately while I'm still reading Jesus For President. Today as one of the graduates, and good friend of mine, gave her speech, she talked a lot about service. And in the middle of that, she said to take a moment to recognize and honor all the people serving in the military and armed forces.

But when you think about that from a biblical standpoint, does it really seem biblical? Armed... Forces... people with guns and weapons of mass destruction out to "defend" our country by killing people living in another country because they're different. That sure doesn't sound like the love of Jesus to me. I'm at a crossroads here. How do I thank someone for being a part of our nations's military? As Christians we are not supposed to pledge allegiance to this country, but to God, to Jesus, to His people. Not the government. Not the military. These people shot guns, fired them at other people. I mean duh, it's radical to say that we should just not fight, but it's radical to people because they don't know anything BUT war. Peace is a foreign concept to many.

I struggle with this because I, myself, am to love everyone. So how do I get from judging the people who do kill other people to simply not killing myself, not supporting "the troops" and making sure my allegiance stays to God and NOT to the United States? My prayer for myself is that I make God my sole focus, that He will give me strength to face each day with the love, grace, and mercy for each person on this planet that He showed for me through His Son Jesus when he slaughtered Him to take away my sins.

People always talk about being "liberal" or "conservative" or "moderate" or other really random things, and often I've tried to describe myself within these constraints to figure out where I stand in the midst of this. But what I'm realizing is that I am nowhere on this scale, because it is OF THE WORLD. I am call to be NOT OF THIS WORLD. In it, not of it.

So yes, by the world's standards, I am liberal because I believe that peace is possible, love is a better option than war, and that we should share all that we own with others who need it or want it.

On that note, I am also conservative by the world's standards, because I believe that it is wrong to get an abortion, wrong to be gay, modest is hottest, cursing is bad, and manners are necessary.

But do you also notice that it seems almost as if "liberals" actually stand FOR something, whereas "conservatives" seem only to stand AGAINST a multitude of things? This is where I believe Jesus was a liberal.

Everyone knows He was a radical guy. He completely altered the course of history and religion and the lives of people as we (they) know (knew) it. But he was not liberal, or conservative. He was perfect. He was Jesus. He was love. A love that broke the chains of politics, and set His people free from the captivity of this world.

This is the God that I serve: One who loves, who provides, who shows graces and mercy and is humble. Not one who pays me, or waves a red, white, and blue flag over my head, or "supports our troops", or strives for power and success.

Jesus For President.