Why is it that I only ever feel like blogging during class?

So once again: Hello from Computer Science! a.k.a. my worst nightmare.

But it's okay.

I've been pretty MIA lately, so I apologize.
I just got done a with a Diff EQ test that I didn't study for and I'm pretty sure I scored at least a B- on it, which is good news.

In other news, I'm going to Eagle Eyrie tomorrow. There is no possible way to convey to you in words how excited I am. So, I'm very excited. I'm just going to leave it at that.

I've been feeling really not good toward God lately. I don't know why. I still pray to him, I still trust Him, I still have faith in His plan and His timing and His will, but for some reason I don't feel spiritually productive or spiritually ... alive?

But I've been able to recognize so much of the good God is working for me, and praise Him for that, but I'm in a funk that I can't shake for whatever reason. Life is good, God is good, and I can't complain, but for whatever reason I'm not excited about it.

Remember when you used to get excited for stuff? I'd like to be re-excited about sharing the Gospel and being a testament to God's grace. I'd like to get excited to being the hands and feet of God's church and stepping outside my comfort zone to love the lost and the least of these. I'd like to get excited about being persecuted for the sake of the cross, not seek after worldly success in vain. I want to pray to God completely humbled and say to Him "I have failed You, please forgive me. I love you and I want to live up to Your standards of loving my neighbors." I want a heart so fervently on fire for God that I can't contain all the good that He is.

So what's wrong with me?

Something I'm learning through all of this though is that when God wants us to learn something, we're not always going to be on a "spiritual high". Valleys are an important time for the devil to tempt you which reveals whether or not your faith is true. I know that God never leaves me; there is a difference between absence and silence. So I have faith that one day I will be on a mountain again, but until then I will trust in God and rejoice in His plan. I have peace from the Holy Spirit that overrules any earthly feelings I have.

So it's always possible to learn and grow in Christ, even if you don't feel good. That's what I'm learning. There is grace and forgiveness constantly flowing from the cross. We are also called to extend such to ourselves and others.

Amen.

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