James 5:16

Apologies. I've been at a loss for words. Probably because I'm not really listening to God and praying enough, and He's urging me to direct my words to Him.

Prayer. We search and look so so so hard for answers to problems that we think God needs to solve, but we forget to pray. I read something today that said something along the lines of "Talking to man for the sake of God is great, and talking to God for the sake of man is even greater still." I believe that to be true, but I'm having a hard time sitting in the presence of God.

I realized: part of it is that if I truly pray the way God wants me to, He's gonna make me face forgiving my dad. Which I'm not sure if I'm ready for. But, I've been saying that for years. If I don't put this in God's hands and obey Him, I'm going to have the Holy Spirit and my conscience gnawing at my soul until I do. The good thing, though, is that once I set myself free from this sin and bitterness, I will WANT to spend time with God because I won't feel guilty about it.

I haven't really told anyone that in those exact words. Oh well. Now the world wide web will get a taste of my real, vulnerable life.

I'm watching Bunheads. The Blindside just went off. I'm hungry. I cut myself shaving today. I went to work, finished a book, went for a run, and took a shower. I learned that prayer is the biggest chunk of necessity missing from my life.

God is doing some crazy things in my life. I'm excited to answer His call, and listen as He shows me where to go.

I have some food to a homeless man the other day. That was my first step, I think. Satan tried to make me feel bad about it. That's when I realized that the more good we do in the name of Jesus, the more opposition we're gonna face, and the worse we're gonna feel until we realize that God is so much bigger than all of that. He knows my heart, and Satan's just trying to get me away from that. I realized, also, that he's trying to keep me away from prayer, because that's a victory for him. But I don't wanna give him that. I want to give God everything. And that starts with prayer. So, when will I take my first step? Well I don't know. But I know that wonderful things will happen when I do.