Monday, July 30, 2012

Oh, The Shame...

I think the reason I have not been posting lately (or at least one of them) is because I am currently ashamed of my life. Ha! If that makes any sense...

Oh well. I have done not a whole lot of productive things, and while a few things off my summer goals checklist are being accomplished, I still feel rushed, and panicked, and ... unfulfilled.

I've already mentioned that I suck at praying. And that's probs why I don't feel satisfied with anything. I've been doing nothing but working and trying to be "productive" but it's gotten me nowhere. Because I haven't been focusing on God, giving Him my time, or diving into the Word like I should. Bleh. I don't like this version of myself. I like the version of myself that lets God shine through me by meditating on His words and with Him.

If you want, pray for me in that. Thanks, dude.

&

Friday, July 20, 2012

All The Talk

I'm coming to understand the awful way that "we" talk about Christianity. I'm guilty of this too. We're too religious. That's exactly what the devil wants: us becoming so comfortable with "Christianity" that we forget about God and He becomes routine instead of all-powerful and mysterious and wonderful and loving!

That is all. I'm out of town for the weekend to hang out with my long lost friends from school and take a break from work and the internet. Auf Wiedersehen!

Jesus loves you !

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Pastors and Preachers

Today I sang at church #1, attended half of Sunday school, and played piano at church #2. Got paid for church #2, ate lunch at Grandma's, went home and napped until 5:30, and went to church with the youngins. I'm Skyping with one of my close friends from school tonight! So that should be super fun!

Anyway, something I thought about today while my pastor was preaching: I think a lot of the time, members of a community like mine, who are part of the church congregation, are really petty a lot of the time. And I feel like they look for any little sign of the pastor failing or sinning or doing something wrong just to have something to talk about and to try to make themselves better by thinking of him as a hypocrite.

Well anyway, I really like my pastor. Today he was talking about how he is a crazy driver and how he gets angry at people when he drives and stuff, and he talks about that a lot. I think it's funny. But today what I realized was that he's good at being vulnerable. Which is what we're called to be in a body of Christ. Almost everyone in the congregation was/is wearing a mask - they look pretty and calm to show up on Sunday mornings and hear Rev preach, making small talk along the way that means nothing, but they're never real with each other. What's sad is that the truth doesn't come out until someone's drunk. And yes, I am still talking about "Christians". Which is the saddest part.

It's people like this, I've noticed, who want Rev to fall, to make a mistake, so they can find a reason to complain about him. It's funny though: he's one of the most dedicated men of God that I know. People complain about small things that don't matter. Maybe we need a lesson in complaining, as in NOT DOING IT. I realized the Catch 22 in complaining about people who complain. I'm not trying to complain, just state the facts that everyone makes mistakes, but it's how they choose to repent and react that either grows them or tears 'em down.

I feel like that was kind of a ramble.

In other news, I'm writing my friend a letter. Which I think is kind of funny. We live quite close to each other physically, but hardly ever have time to interact in person for any length of time, especially an extended length of time. AND this friend will be out of town for 2 weeks so I've decided to write a letter explaining what's new in my life that said friend would be interested in and talk about my day.

I s'pose that's all. I have business to attend to, and it's almost midnight! Ahh I'm so behind!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Tyrant Kings

That is the title of the song I am currently listening to. It's a good one. You should check it out.

The main thing on my mind right now is YARD SALE!!! I'm so pumped. I had a friend drop stuff by tonight for us to sell, and 5 other friends giving us stuff TOMORROW last minute! We are so excited, especially since we're not doing this for ourselves. I think that makes us more generous. Which is weird, but also really cool.

I'm trying to get in a piano-practice groove, but it's sometimes difficult when I work until 8. But I'm getting there, so that's been fun. Still no hymn progress. Oh well.

Tomorrow is going to be a BIG day! This is going to be a wonderfully exhausting weekend. And all totally worth it!

And to top it all off, I get paid tomorrow for job #1! And I've already decided to treat myself to an iced mocha from Mill Mountain coffee. Yesssssssss.

My new favorite song (which you saw yesterday) is Even If It Breaks Your Heart by Will Hoge.

God is really REALLY good and awesome. Just as a reminder.

I got to talk to a co-worker today about church and God a little bit. It was interesting. She doesn't go to church, but was very open in talking about it. What was cool to me, though, was that she got it: she said that youth group bothered her because it just seemed like people went there to hang out, not to worship or learn like you're supposed to. And this coming from an "outsider" so to speak. She says she likes to go to another church sometimes with her friend where it's a lot of old people who are there for the right reasons. Granted, she goes with her friend and boyfriend, but that's neither here nor there. It's always cool to get to talk about my faith and understand others' points of view.

Anyway.

Yard Sale. 

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Keep On Dreamin'

Today I was mildly productive. But, productive nonetheless. That is if you consider what I did today productive. Now I can't even remember half of what I did. I'll try and remember.

I woke up late. I feel ashamed for waking up late. It's weird. I've recently been convicted of that by John Wesley. Perhaps I'll write on that at some point in the future.
I ate my cereal and continued reading Acts.
I cleaned my room (vacuum and all. Actually, just vacuum.)
I practiced piano.
I got in contact with several people today regarding our yard sale which is in 3 days!!! I have anywhere from 3-5 people donating more stuff! It's crazy. I got an exercise bike today from a guy I know at church who heard about the sale. People are being really supportive, and it's really great!
I ate pizza and WATERMELON which I have determined to be my FAVORITE FRUIT OF ALL TIME. Yes.
I've been getting kind of frustrated lately, with myself and other people. With myself for a lot of things. I don't pray. I don't trust. My faith feels faint. It's not that I'm struggling with it or doubting it, but I think that's a problem because I'm not DOING anything that requires faith in God. I just have it to have it because it's there and stuff.

The reason I don't think I've been productive today is because I haven't spent time with God. I try to get all this stuff done so I can feel accomplished about myself and about my day, but my life is pointless and meaningless without praising and worshipping and spending time with my awesome God. It sucks, really. I keep saying "I'm gonna try" or whatever, and I do I guess, but I keep avoiding the obvious, the simplest of Christianity concepts because they're the hardest for me to execute. I am of little faith. Let's work on that, shall we?

One thing I did forget today: to play any hymns. At least out of the Worship Hymnal. Whoops!

Today I found out that I like the song "Even If It Breaks Your Heart" by Will Hodge because Eli Young Band recorded it and it's on the radio, but it was less expensive to buy it from the original artist, which is kind of crazy if you think about it.

I need some perspective. I liked the "Keep on dreamin' even if it breaks your heart."

Because, why would I stop dreaming? It's kind of a parallel to faith, I think - to keep having faith ("keep the faith") even when things get rough and you feel broken, because there's a Savior who can make you whole again.

Another thing: I think my life might be "easy" because God doesn't trust me with any big stuff. I haven't been faithful in the little stuff, which is why I'm trying to start over, but I don't feel fulfilled because I'm not being faithful in all that I know I should. Bahhhh. I'm so torn.


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Just A Few Things...

1. I did not practice any hymns today. Whoops! I did, however, TRY to practice Bach, and I DID practice some of my music for church tomorrow/Sunday. Tomorrow I will try and run the whole program for Sunday (since I just remembered I'm playing more than an offertory and choir music, hehe) and bring out the ol' Worship Hymnal.

2. I am amazed at the flakiness of the human nature. I hate it, but it amazes me. I try to be as reliable as possible, but I know sometimes I'm not. Which is why I am quick to forgive those who flake out on me. I've just experienced a lot of it lately and figured I'd share it as some food for thought.

3. I'm doing a crazy (well it seems to be for me) ab workout. It's like some "30 day challenge" but really I just wanna see if I can keep it up a week. Haha. Today was day 2. Not that anyone cares. This will be the last time I post about it.

4. "Trusting God" is a trending topic on Twitter!!! That makes me incredibly happy. Trusting God is SO SO SO important. Something we forget about a lot because for whatever reasons we assume we're trusting God because we've been good little "Christians" for so long that it comes naturally. In reality, though, we're just as anxious and worried as the next guy because we assume any matter can be handled by humans but are worried until we get a physical, visible, tangible result. God doesn't work that way. He tells us to have HOPE and JOY and to TRUST in Him. Which means not worrying about the future, and resting assured in the promise of eternity because THAT is the outcome. And as long as we have faith in God and Jesus's death and resurrection, we don't have to worry about anybody or anything screwing that up. Salvation is ours upon trusting in Jesus.

5. I am enjoying having full days off of work. Just sayin'. Less money, yes, but also less time smelling like a sweaty, greasy, hot mess! Plus with my "second job" (piano playing) I'm still making some decent summer money. HOORAH!

6. Our yard sale is coming together so quickly and so well! I'm picking up something tomorrow, a few things Friday night (cutting it close! But whatever) and hopefully some more things here and there in the next 3 days! Alexa and I are so excited! Refer to the end of this post for the details.

7. I am rediscovering my love for the Harry Potter book series. A great deal of gratitude to Ms. Rowling.

8. I am still struggling with prayer.

9. I had dinner with my dad today.

On That Note...

Quote found on Pinterest:

"God doesn't promise
days without pain
laughter without sorrow
nor sun without rain
but He does promise 
strength for the day, 
comfort for the tears, 
and light for the way."

See James 1:2-3, John 8:12, Isaiah 40:31, Lamentations 3:22-23

Monday, July 9, 2012

Abs

Related (sort of) to yesterday's post, I'm learning a lot about faith, trust, discipline, choices, and a firm foundation. And I continue to revel in how delicately God created the world and all that's in the world to form wonderful analogies to faith, Jesus, and a relationship with Him.

Today I found that in my diet and working out.

I ate healthily all day long, until mom and I demolished a package of Oreos. I ate Frosted Mini Wheats for breakfast, a peanut butter sandwich on wheat bread, carrots, and a banana for lunch, Sun Chips, blueberries, and cherries for lunch, and baked Tilapia for dinner! Then I ate all the stupid Oreos.

I'm pacing myself, though. I felt what it was like to put my trust in God for something that could bring glory to Him - treating my body like a temple (the way He created it to be) and stop putting junk in it, start toning it and gaining strength and endurance. That way, I have longer and more opportunities to advance His Kingdom. It must sound silly, and part of me reverts back to doing all this for personal gain. And I admit, part of me just did a disgusting ab workout because I'm unhappy with the current physical state of things. But then I tell Satan to shush and I turn back to God who's telling me to persevere and stay strong in mind, body, and soul.

Now I just need to work on the soul part.

I officially start my job as Riverdale Baptist Church's new summer pianist on Wednesday! I'm both nervous and excited for this opportunity, and a little extra cash (to pay for college, haha).

I'll try to start the hymns back up tomorrow - I HAVE THE DAY OFF! And yet so many errands to run...

Au revoir!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Simple Solutions

It's a funny lesson I'm learning. Because it's the lesson we've been told, taught - the one that's been drilled into our heads since preschool - since we first heard the Good News of Jesus.
Fully Rely On God (F.R.O.G.)

The reason it's funny right now, though, is because I keep trying to make all these changes in my life and set goals and do all these different things like staying organized, working hard, reading books, eating healthy, exercising, all that jazz, and say I'm doing it to the glory of God, without even talking to Him about it first. The road to a better life isn't about trying to improve myself physically or whatever, it's about constant communication with God; that involves both LISTENING and responding; asking and giving. If I truly want to live a life worth living, I need to start with the One who gave it to me. God knows I need Him, and I know I need Him. I've just got to start acting like it and surrendering to it. Because that's hard, surrender. Humility. Vulnerability. I'm especially bad at that one. Which is kind of weird, actually. Anyway, that's a different story all together.

I'm gonna spend some time praying tonight to the God of the universe; the God who is in control of everything, from aligning the planets, to my beating heart, to science, to nature, to the human heart and mind. It is through Him that I get results. But not self-centered results that will make me more appealing according to worldly standards: the results that lead to eternal life and leaving a legacy of Christ through my life, my words, and my actions.

Thank You, God, for your mercy and grace. Thank You for Jesus most of all.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with a music director of the church I'm going to be playing for the rest of the summer. It's going to be a mad dash from there to work. I'm going to try and eat healthy at work. Mostly I'm gonna try to distract myself from the temptation that is food by praying, reading, cleaning, serving, and making bracelets. I pray that it works, but mostly I pray that I glorify God with my shift tomorrow.

I practiced that Prelude and Fugue in G Major for the first time in a while today. It was interesting. The first time I've played through the whole fugue. It sucked. Haha. I'm going to try to discipline my piano practice, especially on my days off. I've been slacking on hymns too. I have to now practice offertories for Sunday mornings. I don't think they should be too hard, it's just a matter of making sure they sound good and I get through them without any NOTICEABLE mistakes.

I'm getting an exercise bike from a guy at my church who's giving it to me and Alexa for our yard sale! Seriously, everyone ever should come. We know that this event will glorify God, and God is glorified even in the small victories, but we want to be able to reach people not only with our stuff and service but with the witness that Jesus will save your life if you let Him and you love Him and you love people. We're trying to love people.

I think that's the most of the ramblings for today. I want to be strengthened by the ability to forgive. That's only gonna come from God, and I just have to be willing to let it in. To let HIM in really.

Decaf coffee tomorrow. Yes.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Thup

Today has been weird, for a number of reasons!
I've been super emotional today/the last couple of days (three guesses as to why) so I was crazy today!
I hung out with Alexa and we finished all our yard sale signs and whatnot and I'm super excited to put them up around the neighborhood! We also got supplies so we can make refreshments for people! AND we got more people to agree to donate things to our yard sale so we have more for people and to eventually donate! YAY!

Then she was forced to go shopping (which is funny) and I had to go to work. It was kind of pointless, but whatever. The "late" shift does nothing but I got to hang out with my friend Brooke and we went swimming after hours. Good times.

I cried hysterically when my mom wouldn't let me watch Harry Potter because she was watching Father of the Bride. Now I'm watching Tangled.

I think it's really cool when you can see that people, or just one someone, are actually listening to you.

God's spirit is bubbling inside of me, and I need to figure out how to hone it and use it for His glory.

Thup is a word Alexa says a lot. More of an action she made up that has a sound along with it.

We found an old, working, camera that belongs to Alexa's mom today in her closer while looking for yard sale stuff. I took some pictures, but who knows if it'll even work because it's old and there may not even be film in it but it was really fun to play with! I wanna take it on a real photo shoot and get the film developed! I wonder if her parents would let us...

Friday, July 6, 2012

LUKE 18:22 YARD SALE!

Alexa's and my yard sale is exactly one week from tomorrow! We're super excited and anxious in preparing for it and for being able to carry out our idea! Also, we are still accepting donations, up until the night before. Here's the link to the "event" on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/events/407515919284712/

"Sell all you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven." -Luke 18:22

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Launch!

Ahh today was great. I spent time with wonderful friends, ate at Thelma's Chicken and Waffles and went to Launch! We continued to talk about James. And in the words of Scott Quirin: He punched me in the throat with the Word. It was great.

Basically, it was James chapter 3 and though I've read it and understood it before, I was really convicted tonight to watch what I say so closely. I've been working on that a lot recently anyway, but in a different kind of way (like implementing the Gospel into everything I talk about which isn't entirely successful but whatever) and now I just want to make sure I don't say anything that will make me a hypocrite. Or mean or rude or whatever. To talk to people with love is SO important. I'm guilty of just going to church and hyping about Jesus and then going to work and gossiping like the next person and talking bad about other people. That's not the way it's supposed to be.

I'm not gonna say "starting now I'm turning over a new leaf!" But I am saying that starting now, I will be praying for God's strength to help keep me from stumbling with my tongue. Because I will do it, but I want to try not to do it and be conscious of exactly why I'm trying not to say bad things that can hurt people and such.

Anyway, great day. My brother comes home from Europe tonight, in a few hours actually so that'll be... fun I guess. Haha. I've enjoyed the quiet, but I'm glad for him to be home.

All for now.

Peace,Love,&Jesus

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Olympic Games

June 27th: I worked. Then I went to Praise Team rehearsal at my church. THEN I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH 2 OF MY AWESOME FRIENDS! And we ate cookie dough and drank Amp. It was glorious.

June 28th: Made an appearance at VBS, worked, came home. Went running. It was fabulous.

June 29th: Worked. Again. The power went out at my house and millions of houses in the U.S. apparently. We completely blacked out at about 9:30 p.m. Mom and I played Scrabble and I played the piano (the stuff I had memorized).

June 30th: I woke up to my grandma in my house and she had cake. It was 11:30, so I had cake for breakfast. Then I went to work. Our power came back on, thankfully, at around 4:30 in the afternoon. But I brought my computer to work to charge it. Came home. My grandpa was here this time because he didn't have power back in his house yet. He slept in a chair in our living room because he got cold and had to move from the bed on the couch.

July 1st: Was today. I had my first day off in a week, after working 50 hours in 7 days. I went to church and sang. Ate lunch with mom and grandma. Went shopping. Bought 4 shirts and a pair of shoes. I tried to take a nap but it didn't work. Went back to church. It was bittersweet for a number of reasons. But it was good.

I came home and watched the Olympic trials and Army Wives. I wanted to go running, and I needed to mow, but I didn't. I'm hoping to motivate myself to get up and go in the morning.

The weather is crazy here. Temperatures are in the 100's and people are going insane because of the combination of high heat and lack of power/AC. It sucks. I'm very fortunate. I just... don't deserve this. I need to get rid of all my gunk. Live a different life. I'm so tired.