Though Hope Is Frail, It's Hard To Kill

I just heard this in a song. In a movie. Just now. And I liked it. So I didn't want to lose it.

This has been a really long week for many a college student, and certainly for many a college student at Virginia Tech. Suffice it to say we experienced tragedy on top of pain and stress and exhaustion, and no one was ready for it; at all.

I still feel safe. Frankly, I never once felt as though I was in danger or feared for my life. It wasn't until long afterwards that I began to think to myself: I could have died today.

But God didn't want me to die that day.

This whole situation sucks: a lot of situations do. I took my very first REAL college final this morning, at SEVEN FREAKING FORTY-FIVE, and then I was done with the class. It was weird. Then I had to face the reality that I have several left. I've been on the verge of losing hope the last several days. I have close to zero confidence in my academic abilities, and never really have. Except in Calculus, which is stretching me thin this semester! I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm anxious. I'm tired. I'm ready to go home. And all the while I still rest in the hope that I will always have, even when I'm feeling all these silly feelings.

"My hope is in You, Lord, all the day long."

I have a really good friend whom I play piano with, and I brought her with me to the BCM Christmas Banquet tonight. She had fun. I'm glad. I'm always saying to some of my friends that I'm going to make people my "projects". I'm starting to think that may not be the best way to phrase it after all.

There is nothing I desire more, apart from being in God's awesome and holy presence, than to bring friends closer to Him and further His kingdom. I've been shot down many a time (not necessarily by this friend, but in general) and sometimes it's discouraging. But something I was told at the very beginning of the semester was that "Discouragement is just a temporary loss of perspective." And boy let me tell you that couldn't be more true.

Looking at the big picture, the same Picture that will never change, is that I have an Almighty Hope in Jesus Christ and God's redeeming powers. I mean, every Christian desires to lead a friend to Christ and share the Gospel with someone to have them come to believe it and know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. But if I've decided in my heart that I'm never going to be content until that happens, then I've lost a perspective - I may even end up losing hope.

We all have to understand that no matter what we say, and no matter who we say it to, we are planting a seed in their lives for better or for worse. My goal is to speak words of wisdom to all my friends who already know Christ and those who have yet to form a relationship with Him. This can only happen when I pray to please God and for Him to give me the strength and boldness I need to fulfill this.

It's all about God and giving Him glory for everything, since He did make everything after all, and this is exactly what I intend to do.

My worth is not defined by how many heathens I convert (haha that was a funny sentence), but it is always defined by how much God loves me and that He made me fearfully and wonderfully in His image. When I have faith in God, and focus on Him as my hope for now and for the future, He will bless me in my works, even if I don't always get the "yes" I want to all of my questions.

Amen.