New Year's Resolutions

For the past several years, I've stopped making New Year's Resolutions and started making New Semester's Resolutions - I guess in this case I can call them New Term's Resolutions.

In the past the majority of my resolution list would be to start doing better in all of my classes in school, t improve my grade from the first semester. I think a lot of it too dealt with softball and watching less TV and staying organized. Well, I don't think much is changing except for my perspective on the whole thing.

My first college semester was a wake-up call. After I was finished, I had a GPA because I was done with classes. It was really weird. And slightly disappointing. Haha. So now that I know how to function in college, I resolve to get straight A's next semester - we'll see what happens.

I've also resolved to do some other things as well:
1. Love people
2. Read the Word every day and spend quality time with God instead of just mindlessly skimming the pages
3. Be diligent when things get a little bit harder - don't give up or switch gears, but KOKO (Keep on keepin' on)
4. Bring a friend to Christ
5. Live a life God can be proud of
6. Eat breakfast every day
7. Leave a legacy - make my life count, and do it all for the glory of God 
8. Put school work before fun things (this will be hard)
9. FINISH my homework before midnight (also hard)
10. Learn a new skill

I think 10 is a good place to stop for now - though it's 11 if you count the getting straight A's thing.

Well anyway, I am resolving to do these things for the second semester of my freshman year in college, and I pray that I will be able to be set on them and actually be able to say in May that I accomplished these things. I think I purposefully put things on here that are ongoing which means for me that I can't just do it once and then slack off, but it will be a deliberate way of life, which means NO BEING LAZY! I just really hoped that I stay pumped up for doing something with my life, or at the very least make all these good things habits so I do them even without thinking - I guess that's my ultimate goal: to modify the way I live intentionally so that when my actions become unintentional out of good habit I will still be able to stand by my decisions because of the resolutions I made at the beginning.

Phew, well I suppose that's all for now and I may come in and modify the list if I have to (hopefully I won't have to). The song I'm going to leave you with is Where I Belong by Building 429 (I realize I've already shared this song, but I really like it so here it is again!).

Lost Time

I've lost so much time this week.

I've slept for literally half of it.

Not cool.

But what I think that's more important that I'm losing is my focus: focus on God, focus on other people, focus on my duty, focus on anything but the television and music notes on a page. Also, not cool.

I guess this is just my way of ranting out about how I'm slowly wandering away from God, and how I desperately desire to get back as soon as possible. I picked up my Bible and read a passage for the first time in a week last night. It felt really good. I'm just being lazy and letting myself slip up in really minor but unnecessary ways. I need to spend a lot of time in prayer and meditation, as well as reading old familiar passages in the Bible which remind me of why my faith in God is so strong, and bring me back to Him so we can further our relationship.

On that note, I feel as though Christmas sometimes does exactly the opposite of what it's supposed to: it takes our focus OFF of Christ and His birth. I mean yeah, everyone knows it's commercialized, and blah blah blah, and then you've got every Christian in the world tweeting and updating their statuses about how Jesus is the real reason for the season, and while this is very true, it's very rarely what any of us focuses on truly. I can't think of one person I know who isn't receiving gifts this year. Sure, they've given their time to non-profit organizations, their money to charities, their old toys and coats to ministries that will give them to the needy, but when's the last time America spent Christmas day in prayer with the Creator who sent His Son to earth for us? That's what this day is for, after all. Gifts are great; so are charities; but God is greater.

I say this in hypocrisy because I will be getting presents this year, like every year. This just goes to show that I've got a long way to go until I can truly announce to everyone that I have put every ounce of myself into God so that all I want to do is give until I have nothing left but Him; until I trust Him with everything and I'm not greedy or selfish - the traits that we most often see at during this time of year.

My apologies for the grim post, it's just what's on my mind at the moment, as I lay in bed with my computer on my stomach listening to Starfield and just typing away.

Let's just make it a Silent Night.

A very Merry Christmas to you all!

This Is Weird

I got on my myspace page today, just for fun, and I read my old "About Me" section. I thought it was interesting, and not much has changed in 3 years (a little, but not much). Here's what it said:

I'm Katie. I'm naturally inquisitive. Every day I live for Jesus Christ, and no one else. I can't be bought, or sold, or bribed with food, although that last one will get you pretty close (: I adore music more than anything else on this earth. I actually believe that it helps make the world go round. I sing a lot, all the time. I find it rather enjoyable and quite relaxing. I really like softball a lot, but I wouldn't say I love it. You have to give me a while to explain things. I love the rain, when I haven't done my hair, and dancing around in it and splashing in mud puddles. I really want to live in New York City, minus the cold. Broadway is nice (: I love everything about the big city, but at the same time, I like small towns and the at home feeling you get when you're there. Whichever way God's plan takes me, I'll be there. I live to make people laugh, or smile, or shake their heads in disbelief making comments like, "did she really just say that?" I also live for the little things. You will constantly see me start randomly laughing, or saying something really random, and completely irrelevant, and then cracking up at myself. I seem to do that often. I try really hard to live life to its fullest, and I regret absolutely nothing. I have a problem with trying to correct people. But, I usually have the best of intentions. I'm probably the most insane person anyone will ever meet, and very hyper once I've warmed up to you. I'll make you laugh and ask, "what does that mean?" Happens all the time. (: My best friends are no better than anyone else's, but they're more special to me. I'd be lost forever in the depths of myself without them! I can't stress that enough. I love them more than sprinkles. (: And let me tell you, I've really got a thing for sprinkles. (: I like making new friends quite a bit, and I love talking to new people, or just talking in general to anyone who will listen (which usually ends up being myself and God (: ) Mostly, I am a sinner, I will strive to be perfect, but I'll never compare, and I am proud to be a child of God.

It's about time...

...that I did something my mother does not approve of, that I signed for all by myself as a legal adult just because I could and I wanted to.

I got my tragus pierced and it didn't even hurt that bad! 

I kind of did it on a whim, but I had given it a little bit of thought beforehand, so it's not like I was super irrational about it, but I really like it and it's something I never thought I'd do, and I did it! Yay for me. (: 

The next step is tracking how long it takes for my mom to find out. Hehehe ;)

Break It Out by The Rocket Summer is a good song. 

Dean's List

Since my very first college grades were posted, I've been hearing a lot from my friends who have also received their first GPA's. So many have done very well, and it makes me wonder, "How on earth was it so easy for THEM to make a 4.0 while I have less than a 3?"

That's when I have to get perspective: who am I to compare myself to anyone? God knows what He's doing, and I plan on using my terrible GPA to glorify Him.

Yeah, it hurts sometimes when I hear people bragging about how good their grades are (then again that was me once), but I have to keep in mind that I'm doing my best, and that this period of my life was a huge adjustment and that I WILL get back on track and make the Dean's List one of these days.

So, my first semester of college is officially over, and I'm embarking on a one-month long break! One which I have not woken up before noon but once to go to church. It's quite wonderful. This is the first time I've been home that I don't have to worry about doing any work for school! Besides, of course, playing the piano, but that's a fun homework assignment. (:

My song for the week is Treasures by The Rocket Summer

Though Hope Is Frail, It's Hard To Kill

I just heard this in a song. In a movie. Just now. And I liked it. So I didn't want to lose it.

This has been a really long week for many a college student, and certainly for many a college student at Virginia Tech. Suffice it to say we experienced tragedy on top of pain and stress and exhaustion, and no one was ready for it; at all.

I still feel safe. Frankly, I never once felt as though I was in danger or feared for my life. It wasn't until long afterwards that I began to think to myself: I could have died today.

But God didn't want me to die that day.

This whole situation sucks: a lot of situations do. I took my very first REAL college final this morning, at SEVEN FREAKING FORTY-FIVE, and then I was done with the class. It was weird. Then I had to face the reality that I have several left. I've been on the verge of losing hope the last several days. I have close to zero confidence in my academic abilities, and never really have. Except in Calculus, which is stretching me thin this semester! I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm anxious. I'm tired. I'm ready to go home. And all the while I still rest in the hope that I will always have, even when I'm feeling all these silly feelings.

"My hope is in You, Lord, all the day long."

I have a really good friend whom I play piano with, and I brought her with me to the BCM Christmas Banquet tonight. She had fun. I'm glad. I'm always saying to some of my friends that I'm going to make people my "projects". I'm starting to think that may not be the best way to phrase it after all.

There is nothing I desire more, apart from being in God's awesome and holy presence, than to bring friends closer to Him and further His kingdom. I've been shot down many a time (not necessarily by this friend, but in general) and sometimes it's discouraging. But something I was told at the very beginning of the semester was that "Discouragement is just a temporary loss of perspective." And boy let me tell you that couldn't be more true.

Looking at the big picture, the same Picture that will never change, is that I have an Almighty Hope in Jesus Christ and God's redeeming powers. I mean, every Christian desires to lead a friend to Christ and share the Gospel with someone to have them come to believe it and know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. But if I've decided in my heart that I'm never going to be content until that happens, then I've lost a perspective - I may even end up losing hope.

We all have to understand that no matter what we say, and no matter who we say it to, we are planting a seed in their lives for better or for worse. My goal is to speak words of wisdom to all my friends who already know Christ and those who have yet to form a relationship with Him. This can only happen when I pray to please God and for Him to give me the strength and boldness I need to fulfill this.

It's all about God and giving Him glory for everything, since He did make everything after all, and this is exactly what I intend to do.

My worth is not defined by how many heathens I convert (haha that was a funny sentence), but it is always defined by how much God loves me and that He made me fearfully and wonderfully in His image. When I have faith in God, and focus on Him as my hope for now and for the future, He will bless me in my works, even if I don't always get the "yes" I want to all of my questions.

Amen.

This I Believe: To Have A Servant's Heart

This is something I was required to write for a beyond pointless class I'm taking, but I mean every word of it.

I believe that I am called to be a servant.

When I was a kid, I was given a list of pretty generic rules to follow: be nice to your brother, share your toys, clean up your mess, don’t take other people’s stuff, take turns, be patient, use your manners; the list goes on and on. Now let’s be honest, what kid between the ages of 2 and 12 is even remotely good at any of these things?

Exactly.

And I was no exception.

Not that I was ever a terror, but not even my best friend was EVER allowed to touch my Gameboy.

The first time I heard the Gospel after fully committing my heart to Jesus Christ (I had been in church my whole life, but getting a new perspective changed things), I realized that I was called to humble myself to God, to my future spouse, to everyone around me. I must admit I wasn’t fond of the idea. But that first time that I sat on the ground and washed the feet of inner-city kids, who came with their families to the food bank for school supplies, my heart was overcome with a joy that only comes from having the God-sized hole in my heart filled. It was gross. And I couldn’t have been happier.

It was as if the Holy Spirit filled me all the way up to the top and then some, as a way of telling me that serving is something I would always have to do to make my relationship with God mean something.

I know that most people feel that their lives are way too important to have to give in to what others want before they satisfy themselves, so serving is on the very bottom—if even at all—on their to-do lists. And believe me: I know what that’s like. But I believe that doing this—putting everyone else in the world before ourselves, to love and serve and care for them, because God, our Creator, calls us to do so—is the most fulfilling way of life.

If I am truly going to live a life that means something to me, and to the world, and to my heavenly Father, then I must serve with everything I have, and give until there is nothing left.

I believe we are to serve one another in everything we do, but ultimately we are to serve God with our thoughts, our words, our actions, and our lives. When we give of ourselves, we gain much more than we could’ve ever imagined.

Following Your Heart

This, in my ever-so-humble opinion, is the wrong way to live your life. I mean sure, there are times when you should "go with your gut" or "trust your instincts" but you're really not supposed to follow your heart.

Why? Because God tells us that "...from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly." (Mark 7:21-22)

I don't know, I guess I was just kind of thinking about it because a friend posed the question of our hearts following our heads or our heads following our hearts. I'm still not sure I quite know the answer to that one, but I do know what God says about our hearts being deceitful.

The way I see it (which, mind you, is subject to being indisputably wrong) our hearts are full of evil and all these things mentioned in Mark, and that's why God wants us to let Him in there--to fix all the corruptness that happens in our hearts as a result of a number of things: temptation, sin, the usual.

So that means, I think, that we have to use our heads to decide whether or not we want to accept Jesus into our hearts as our Lord and Savior, pray to Him to soften our hearts so we can let Him in, but the decision is all brain power; it's a choice that takes some extent of logic (granted, faith is not based on logic, but the knowledge and the belief that God created everything and therefore can save us and give us a better, eternal life in heaven. But that's a different issue).

I guess this is just my way of figuring out for myself (and maybe my friend) how the heart and head coincide when it comes to accepting what Christ has to offer us, and how one can overpower the other, and how we are to conduct each one.

Any who, the song for today is Battle by Chris August (and I like it MUCHO).