Also I'm listening to NEEDTOBREATHE. I just love them.
Okay so there are weird things happening to me. I have no idea how to express them.
I'm a very... how do you say it... guarded person. Typically speaking, that is. I have this idea (this lie) built up in my head that I'm not actually supposed to burden people with my problems and feelings (which is exactly opposite of the notion I wrote about a few days ago - yesterday? I don't remember.).
I'm currently in a funk. I'm usually really good at hiding my emotions, EXCEPT FOR WHEN I GOT TO MY PIANO LESSON AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. My teacher has some weird power over me that breaks down my walls and makes me vulnerable. Darn you, DTC! (Just kidding, I love you)
Today that happened. Then I realized that I hadn't cried in a long time. Then I realized that I'm typically pretty aware of how I feel and what's going on inside me, but I'm not any more. It's scaring me. My emotions are pouring out of me in weird ways at weird times and in weird places and I can't seem to control it. Could this be God trying to reiterate to me how much I need Him because He is in control and I am NOT?
I usually like to have an idea of how things are going inside me. Granted I don't do much self reflection or anything, so it's a little hard. What's going on? What do I feel? Why do I feel? What is God teaching me? What about God am I resisting? How am I being stubborn? Am I being a good witness to people? Am I obeying God? Am I seeking His wisdom and His will? What is my life? Who are my people? Who does God want to be my people? Am I ignoring Him? Why do I suck at Matthew 6:33? What is wrong with me? What is my brain even doing? Why can't I let people in? Why can't I take anything seriously?
I got to an answer for that last question and I'm gonna roll with it. I'm afraid of being hurt, I think. I think I know the value of emotions and the truth that we are going to suffer this side of heaven, but I don't want to face it. I've been hurt in the past, and grown up with a negative association with emotions and expressing how I feel. It's a hurdle I haven't gotten over yet. My friends are so great, and so encouraging. I encourage them to be real with me, and yet I can't seem to do the same. I try to practice and it is so hard. Ugh I'm in such a weird place.
I am hoping for peace and clarity. I pray that God directs my paths and opens my eyes and heart to see His faithfulness. It's dark in the valley, but I know that He is good.
"From the ends of the earth I will cry to you, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the Rock that is higher than I."
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Thoughts, Questions, and Ramblings on Life & the Christian Community
These thoughts originated from spending a lot of time with a friend of mine who is particularly guarded about basically everything. Because of that, I don't really know her as well as I thought I did, and long for a deeper connection because of it. Also, a talk given at the retreat I went to this weekend was on inclusion and understanding that each human is equally human. We are all called children of God and He loves us. They two kind of tie together, though I did a poor job of explaining it. However, these are just some questions/ideas/thoughts I began to write down yesterday, and here we are. I pray God will reveal Himself through this and give you (and me) wisdom.
We believe the lie that no one cares about us unless somehow they are getting something in return. This simply isn't true. And yet how do we, as disciples of Christ, create a counterculture of selfless love? The Gospel we preach is inclusive. We believe that Jesus was radical because He hung out with the "unclean" in order for us to understand that He doesn't call us to judge who is unclean and who is not. It's the story of Cornelius and Peter in Acts 10 - give it a read.
Sort of a tangent. Sorry.
The point is, what will it look like for our generation of Jesus-lovers to combat the "me" generation we live in with the lasting truth of the selfless, mercy-loving Gospel? If we really are living in the name of Jesus, then we must be living to love His people. And we are all called the children of God.
What if we (I, you) made the decision to take responsibility for the state of your Christian community? I don't have very precise answers, really, but I'm praying to God for wisdom to discern how to act. It's hard, scary, overwhelming, and probably awkward. But it takes faith that with God all things are possible.
I care about people. I love relationships and I value them - they have worth. Relationships are hard. If you don't think so, you're wrong, delusional, or in an unhealthy relationship, or perhaps in none (which is doubtful).
Who decided that emotions were weaknesses? Who said you're a wimp if you ever cry? Who said weakness is even a bad thing? But rather, "most gladly I will boast in my infirmities, that the power of God may rest upon me." (2 Cor. 12:19)
I think it's about time we plunge into the waters of getting real, and continue finding the balance between that and guarding our hearts.
Let's break down the walls and be willing to bear one another's burdens.
James 5:16 says this:
"Confess your sings to one another & pray for one another that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."
My prayer is that God would being to grow real, authentic, genuine relationships among Christians, and that we will begin to see each other as equally sinful, wretched, weak, small human beings, who by the grace of God are able to be so much more through the power of Christ in whom we find our identity.
Amen.
We believe the lie that no one cares about us unless somehow they are getting something in return. This simply isn't true. And yet how do we, as disciples of Christ, create a counterculture of selfless love? The Gospel we preach is inclusive. We believe that Jesus was radical because He hung out with the "unclean" in order for us to understand that He doesn't call us to judge who is unclean and who is not. It's the story of Cornelius and Peter in Acts 10 - give it a read.
Sort of a tangent. Sorry.
The point is, what will it look like for our generation of Jesus-lovers to combat the "me" generation we live in with the lasting truth of the selfless, mercy-loving Gospel? If we really are living in the name of Jesus, then we must be living to love His people. And we are all called the children of God.
What if we (I, you) made the decision to take responsibility for the state of your Christian community? I don't have very precise answers, really, but I'm praying to God for wisdom to discern how to act. It's hard, scary, overwhelming, and probably awkward. But it takes faith that with God all things are possible.
I care about people. I love relationships and I value them - they have worth. Relationships are hard. If you don't think so, you're wrong, delusional, or in an unhealthy relationship, or perhaps in none (which is doubtful).
Who decided that emotions were weaknesses? Who said you're a wimp if you ever cry? Who said weakness is even a bad thing? But rather, "most gladly I will boast in my infirmities, that the power of God may rest upon me." (2 Cor. 12:19)
I think it's about time we plunge into the waters of getting real, and continue finding the balance between that and guarding our hearts.
Let's break down the walls and be willing to bear one another's burdens.
James 5:16 says this:
"Confess your sings to one another & pray for one another that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."
My prayer is that God would being to grow real, authentic, genuine relationships among Christians, and that we will begin to see each other as equally sinful, wretched, weak, small human beings, who by the grace of God are able to be so much more through the power of Christ in whom we find our identity.
Amen.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Acts 17 & Eagle Eyrie
Tonight in my Bible study we talked about Acts 17 - the differences in how the Gospel message was received in Thessalonica, Berea, and Athens - and what it looks like for us to share Jesus with people in our culture today. We found that we were a lot like Athens in that people like to "talk the talk" and entertain everyone's idea all day long, but rarely do we see many people firmly stand up for any particular thing, because our society is all about being politically correct and not hurting anybody's feelings.
So, what does it look like for us to share our faith in our world? Well, it looks like we're going to have to offend some people. OH NO! But wait... Jesus definitely offended His fair share of people - religious leaders, even - and His message was clear: "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life; no one comes to the Father except through me." We need a Savior, and most people are offended by that. We are in the midst of the "Me" generation (and by 'we' I mean the 20/30 somethings and younger) and we want to think we can do everything on our own. We don't need anyone's help, and if you show even the slightest hint of weakness, you're considered less of a person.
Well, I'm here to tell you that the Gospel is going to hurt the pride of all of us who think that way. We are not good people. It is in our nature to sin and do bad things and only look after ourselves. Paradoxically, it is also in our nature to be drawn to and seek community. Hmm...
The truth is, we need someone to save us. We need someone to care for us, to give us strength, to love us unconditionally, to accept us for everything we are (and everything we're not), to forgive us in abundance, and to extend everlasting grace for everlasting life. This is the tragedy of our humanly finite situation.
BUT HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS: Jesus is all those things we need. God is sovereign above all our hopes and dreams and best laid plans. Praise Him! The hardest part about sharing this with others is that they don't think they need it. Who doesn't need Hope? We are in desperate need of it. We are battling the constant forces of pride that reside in us all. But God is bigger, stronger, more powerful that it all. Praise!
On that note, I'm going away on a retreat this weekend to spend lots of time with God, in community with people who love Jesus, and refocusing my heart and mind on this Gospel Truth. I can't wait to share what I take away, and I pray that God is glorified in our gathering this weekend.
Thanks be to God!
So, what does it look like for us to share our faith in our world? Well, it looks like we're going to have to offend some people. OH NO! But wait... Jesus definitely offended His fair share of people - religious leaders, even - and His message was clear: "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life; no one comes to the Father except through me." We need a Savior, and most people are offended by that. We are in the midst of the "Me" generation (and by 'we' I mean the 20/30 somethings and younger) and we want to think we can do everything on our own. We don't need anyone's help, and if you show even the slightest hint of weakness, you're considered less of a person.
Well, I'm here to tell you that the Gospel is going to hurt the pride of all of us who think that way. We are not good people. It is in our nature to sin and do bad things and only look after ourselves. Paradoxically, it is also in our nature to be drawn to and seek community. Hmm...
The truth is, we need someone to save us. We need someone to care for us, to give us strength, to love us unconditionally, to accept us for everything we are (and everything we're not), to forgive us in abundance, and to extend everlasting grace for everlasting life. This is the tragedy of our humanly finite situation.
BUT HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS: Jesus is all those things we need. God is sovereign above all our hopes and dreams and best laid plans. Praise Him! The hardest part about sharing this with others is that they don't think they need it. Who doesn't need Hope? We are in desperate need of it. We are battling the constant forces of pride that reside in us all. But God is bigger, stronger, more powerful that it all. Praise!
On that note, I'm going away on a retreat this weekend to spend lots of time with God, in community with people who love Jesus, and refocusing my heart and mind on this Gospel Truth. I can't wait to share what I take away, and I pray that God is glorified in our gathering this weekend.
Thanks be to God!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
1 Corinthians 1 (part 3)
I want to let the Scripture do most of the talking tonight. It's really beautiful.
1 Corinthians 1:26-31
"For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are migthty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God--and righteousness and sanctification and redemption--that, as it is written, 'He who glories, let him glory in the Lord.'"
Dude. This gives me so much hope - hope in the fact that God will use me for His glory despite the fact that I am not worthy, not good enough, can't do anything on my own. Not that just that He will use me, but He will use me because I am weak but trust in Him. His strength is perfected in my weakness because I am humbling myself to Him and not boasting in my own abilities.
It takes me back to the book of Judges which we studied at the BCM for part of last semester. Each judge we encountered was weak, doubted God, failed, stumbled, and yet God used them to bring salvation to the Israelites. The parallel, of course, was that one day God would send The Judge to redeem the sins of all people so that there was no other name by which anyone could be saved. This man, Jesus Christ, was perfect and yet was humbled to a sinner's death. That humility that was modeled for us by the only being worthy of boasting in Himself, therefore who are we to say we are mighty in ourselves?
God is humbling me daily, and blowing my mind all the time. Be encouraged, that we never grow where we're comfortable, and God will use those who humbly seek Him and yearn to glorify Him.
1 Corinthians 1:26-31
"For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are migthty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God--and righteousness and sanctification and redemption--that, as it is written, 'He who glories, let him glory in the Lord.'"
Dude. This gives me so much hope - hope in the fact that God will use me for His glory despite the fact that I am not worthy, not good enough, can't do anything on my own. Not that just that He will use me, but He will use me because I am weak but trust in Him. His strength is perfected in my weakness because I am humbling myself to Him and not boasting in my own abilities.
It takes me back to the book of Judges which we studied at the BCM for part of last semester. Each judge we encountered was weak, doubted God, failed, stumbled, and yet God used them to bring salvation to the Israelites. The parallel, of course, was that one day God would send The Judge to redeem the sins of all people so that there was no other name by which anyone could be saved. This man, Jesus Christ, was perfect and yet was humbled to a sinner's death. That humility that was modeled for us by the only being worthy of boasting in Himself, therefore who are we to say we are mighty in ourselves?
God is humbling me daily, and blowing my mind all the time. Be encouraged, that we never grow where we're comfortable, and God will use those who humbly seek Him and yearn to glorify Him.
Monday, October 21, 2013
1 Corinthians 1 Part 2
Tonight I focused on 1 Corinthians 1:10-25 - totally blew my mind, regardless of the fact that I've read several times.
It brings up an interesting point about denominations in my mind. It's not that they're a bad thing, but Paul is saying that divisions within a church body are bad. Instead, we're supposed to come together as an entire body of Christ when it comes to defending the big things (or the one thing) that we all agree on, namely, that Jesus Christ is Lord and the only way to the Father is through Him. The secondary stuff comes into play when you're identifying with denominations, but that's not the point of this passage.
I love the idea of joining together with other believers from different backgrounds of faith and culture to unite in the love of Christ. At the church I worked at this summer, every service was ended by singing a song called "The Bond of Love" that said, "We are one in the bond of love; we are one in the bond of love; we have joined our spirit with the Spirit of God; we are one in the bond of love." I think it embodies this idea that Paul is talking about perfectly. Why quarrel over things that are not doing productive things to further the Gospel and show grace and love and mercy to people in the name of Jesus?
The next section is AWESOME and I love it. It's about the wisdom of men versus the wisdom of God. I just need to write out verse 18 for you - "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." HOW INCREDIBLE IS THAT? We have this power given to us by God because we believe in Jesus' death and resurrection and His ability to save us from ourselves and give us eternal life. But to other people that makes NO SENSE. The next part of this passage, verses 19-25 explain that we truly know nothing compared to the omniscience of God the Father. The only true wisdom we have is given to us by the Holy Spirit, and is inspired by Scripture and gained from a relationship with Jesus. The things the world knows are foolish.
This is mind-blowing to me. It's crazy that in a world where education is valued so highly and intellect is necessary to be successful or to not be looked down upon, that really all those things are foolish when you think of the majesty of God and the depths to which He knows everything, including each of our hearts. Worldly intellect will try to tell us that we don't need a Savior, that this world makes sense without a higher power, i.e. God, and that anything we have the ability to do is because we worked for it and we can make it on our own. That is all false! We need a Savior because we are so wretched and sinful. We need grace every single day, especially when we get prideful about the things we know. If there's one thing I do know, it's that there's no way I can make it on my own. I don't know how other people do it - people who don't know the Hope of Christ and can find joy in salvation. How do people think they can handle it all? On a more general level, how does anyone expect to try and do things without people helping them or supporting them or encouraging them? I HAVE NO IDEA!
Anyway. I was thinking about wisdom while I was taking a shower before I read this, so it's cool that I ran into this tonight. If I ever boast, it will only be in my weaknesses and the power of the cross. Any wisdom you hear from me was given to me by God. In my weakness He is made stronger. Praise be to God!
It brings up an interesting point about denominations in my mind. It's not that they're a bad thing, but Paul is saying that divisions within a church body are bad. Instead, we're supposed to come together as an entire body of Christ when it comes to defending the big things (or the one thing) that we all agree on, namely, that Jesus Christ is Lord and the only way to the Father is through Him. The secondary stuff comes into play when you're identifying with denominations, but that's not the point of this passage.
I love the idea of joining together with other believers from different backgrounds of faith and culture to unite in the love of Christ. At the church I worked at this summer, every service was ended by singing a song called "The Bond of Love" that said, "We are one in the bond of love; we are one in the bond of love; we have joined our spirit with the Spirit of God; we are one in the bond of love." I think it embodies this idea that Paul is talking about perfectly. Why quarrel over things that are not doing productive things to further the Gospel and show grace and love and mercy to people in the name of Jesus?
The next section is AWESOME and I love it. It's about the wisdom of men versus the wisdom of God. I just need to write out verse 18 for you - "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." HOW INCREDIBLE IS THAT? We have this power given to us by God because we believe in Jesus' death and resurrection and His ability to save us from ourselves and give us eternal life. But to other people that makes NO SENSE. The next part of this passage, verses 19-25 explain that we truly know nothing compared to the omniscience of God the Father. The only true wisdom we have is given to us by the Holy Spirit, and is inspired by Scripture and gained from a relationship with Jesus. The things the world knows are foolish.
This is mind-blowing to me. It's crazy that in a world where education is valued so highly and intellect is necessary to be successful or to not be looked down upon, that really all those things are foolish when you think of the majesty of God and the depths to which He knows everything, including each of our hearts. Worldly intellect will try to tell us that we don't need a Savior, that this world makes sense without a higher power, i.e. God, and that anything we have the ability to do is because we worked for it and we can make it on our own. That is all false! We need a Savior because we are so wretched and sinful. We need grace every single day, especially when we get prideful about the things we know. If there's one thing I do know, it's that there's no way I can make it on my own. I don't know how other people do it - people who don't know the Hope of Christ and can find joy in salvation. How do people think they can handle it all? On a more general level, how does anyone expect to try and do things without people helping them or supporting them or encouraging them? I HAVE NO IDEA!
Anyway. I was thinking about wisdom while I was taking a shower before I read this, so it's cool that I ran into this tonight. If I ever boast, it will only be in my weaknesses and the power of the cross. Any wisdom you hear from me was given to me by God. In my weakness He is made stronger. Praise be to God!
An Introduction to a Personal Bible Study - 1 Corinthians
I've been extremely flaky in my quiet times.
I figured I should be pretty honest about that from the get-go.
But I've been semi-reading through 1 Corinthians over the last week or so, and I wanted to actually READ it. So basically, critical reading, analytical thinking, practical application based understanding.
I'm just going to start over from the beginning of 1 Corinthians.
I'm also in the middle of Acts and Daniel as parts of series the BCM is currently doing. Acts is what we are studying in family group Bible studies, one of which I lead once a week, and Daniel is what we are hearing about at 6:33 - our large group weekly worship gathering. So I may from time to time throw in snippets from those two books.
Hear me out - if you want to learn alongside me, I am ecstatic. Just know that I do this for myself, so not everything I say is probably going to make sense. Also I don't follow through very well, so who knows how long this is going to last...
That being said, I'm ready to dive into 1 Corinthians chapter 1.
Divisions in the Church Condemned
v. 1-3
In the first few verses, I like that Paul is already putting emphasis on the importance of unity in Christ - that Jesus Christ died for all people, and all who will believe in Him have eternal, and because of that we (believers of that) have a love for Christ in common.
v. 4-9
This is such a cool mini Gospel in a few short verses. It tells the story of God's grace, the fact that each of our lives are a testament to God's grace and well all have an important story to share; community is essential in growth as a believer, and endurance to keep the faith will glorify God so much.
Tangent: this reminds me of what we talked about studying Acts 17 tonight. How do our lives look different as Christians, in a culture that is so nonchalant about everything? How do our actions show that we are trustworthy and set us apart - make us holy? I think endurance is a huge part of that, and something I struggle with. I get burnt out too easily, because I don't commit to the hard parts of life as well as the initial easy/ glamorous parts. But doing a job well, when asked, without grumbling or complaining, to the best of my ability, will be a way that the world looks at me and sees something different. That's what I'm striving for in order to share the Hope I have in Christ with people.
I think I'll stop here and pick up later. Until then...
I figured I should be pretty honest about that from the get-go.
But I've been semi-reading through 1 Corinthians over the last week or so, and I wanted to actually READ it. So basically, critical reading, analytical thinking, practical application based understanding.
I'm just going to start over from the beginning of 1 Corinthians.
I'm also in the middle of Acts and Daniel as parts of series the BCM is currently doing. Acts is what we are studying in family group Bible studies, one of which I lead once a week, and Daniel is what we are hearing about at 6:33 - our large group weekly worship gathering. So I may from time to time throw in snippets from those two books.
Hear me out - if you want to learn alongside me, I am ecstatic. Just know that I do this for myself, so not everything I say is probably going to make sense. Also I don't follow through very well, so who knows how long this is going to last...
That being said, I'm ready to dive into 1 Corinthians chapter 1.
Divisions in the Church Condemned
v. 1-3
In the first few verses, I like that Paul is already putting emphasis on the importance of unity in Christ - that Jesus Christ died for all people, and all who will believe in Him have eternal, and because of that we (believers of that) have a love for Christ in common.
v. 4-9
This is such a cool mini Gospel in a few short verses. It tells the story of God's grace, the fact that each of our lives are a testament to God's grace and well all have an important story to share; community is essential in growth as a believer, and endurance to keep the faith will glorify God so much.
Tangent: this reminds me of what we talked about studying Acts 17 tonight. How do our lives look different as Christians, in a culture that is so nonchalant about everything? How do our actions show that we are trustworthy and set us apart - make us holy? I think endurance is a huge part of that, and something I struggle with. I get burnt out too easily, because I don't commit to the hard parts of life as well as the initial easy/ glamorous parts. But doing a job well, when asked, without grumbling or complaining, to the best of my ability, will be a way that the world looks at me and sees something different. That's what I'm striving for in order to share the Hope I have in Christ with people.
I think I'll stop here and pick up later. Until then...
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Weird Things Are A-Brewin'
Okay so apparently I haven't posted since June. AWKWARD. I'm sorry. To myself mostly because I'm the only one who cares about what I have to say. So, this post is actually for myself because I want to look back on it and remember.
Reason I say things are weird is because I'm 20, and last night I went to the Ring Premiere to see the unveiling of my COLLEGE class ring. Because I'm a junior. And graduating in 2015 (theoretically). So I feel strange because this article actually applies to me. Which is why I'm sharing. I'm sure anyone of any age will be able to get something out of it, but it is explicitly written for "20-somethings".
So read, and enjoy. :)
"20 things every 20-something should know how to do"
Reason I say things are weird is because I'm 20, and last night I went to the Ring Premiere to see the unveiling of my COLLEGE class ring. Because I'm a junior. And graduating in 2015 (theoretically). So I feel strange because this article actually applies to me. Which is why I'm sharing. I'm sure anyone of any age will be able to get something out of it, but it is explicitly written for "20-somethings".
So read, and enjoy. :)
"20 things every 20-something should know how to do"
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