Sustained

Today I found out what it feels like to attend a funeral of a young man who died far younger than average or necessary. Thing is, we were friends. Another thing is, some of his best friends are my best friends. I can safely say, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that I never want to experience this again.

The stuff that normally makes normal people sad, I just sit politely solemn and comfort those around me. I don't expect to shed a tear. But this morning, at approximately 11:00 tears were pouring from my eyes. Both of them. They ran down my face (thank God I decided not wear make-up today). They got in the crevice between my cheek and my nose. They dripped from my chin. They ran down my neck. At one point, they even spilled into my shirt. The sleeve of my jacket is really gross right now - lots of snot. My face hurt. My face still hurts. My eyes are swollen. My eyes are red. My eyes are tired. My head hurts. My body aches. My heart is broken.

I don't think it's important that I explain the merit of this young man - he had a lot of merit. We'd been in all the same classes since middle school. I wasn't as smart as he was. I tried, but he was dedicated.

But he took his own life. His body dwells in the ground. His soul rests in God's hands. And because of that, I could never help but wonder: will Jesus intercede for him? He and I never had a conversation about faith. Ever. What if he never gave his life to God? And what could have happened if I had been the one to share the good news that IS Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, with him? Would this have even happened? Would he be with God now? At least I could find peace and comfort in the fact that he was with his heavenly Father. But I don't know. It kills me inside. I have failed as a Christian.

Some have said "Learn a lesson from this." I intend to.

Because of this - with the addition of school - this week has sufficiently sucked. I would only get emotional when I had to talk about, but I had to do it at least 5 times to tell my teachers that I would missing classes on Friday (today). I missed: Music Theory, Sight-singing quiz (which actually got canceled, praise God!), Calculus test review, Piano lesson, English paper workshop, and Calculus test. I also missed Bible study last night. But I needed to come home. I'm glad I did. I needed to. Yeah. I needed to come home.

I saw two of my very best friends. It was under terrible circumstances. Terrible. But I needed it. We all needed it. We cried together. We hugged. We talked. We comforted each other. Then we laughed together. I didn't think that was possible. But there's no use in being depressed. Though I feel that I will be for quite some time. All I know, is that I have never been more grateful for my friends than I was today. They help sustain me. We hold each other up. We pray for one another. We fellowship. I am thankful for their steadfast relationships with Christ. I am thankful for mine. If I didn't know God, I would be lost right now.

My good friend Tyler spoke today. He has been a believer in God for 2 years. It was his roommate that died. I am proud of him. Today, more than ever. For remaining strong in his faith. He greatly encouraged me. He stood up in front of a room of hundreds of people in mourning - including the boy's family, friends, his own girlfriend - and he read us a letter; a letter he wrote to his roommate after he passed. It was funny. It was good. It talked about math and chemistry. It was sweet. Afterwards, he told all of us, that while he should be sleeping and moping around in his dorm room and being all depressed, and that he had every right to be, he wasn't. He hadn't slept all week, basically. He was drained, emotionally, mentally, and physically. But it's what he said next that got me - "There is nothing left in me. Nothing. It is only my relationship with God that is sustaining me and giving me the strength to speak to you all."

Wow. I had living proof of God's strength. I knew that Tyler had nothing left. But I also know that God is bigger, and He is mightier. He will sustain us.

There is still joy in the Lord, but now the joy is coming through the suffering. I praise God for what He's done. But right now I'm truly sad. Life is truly fleeting. It is not for man to know the time for seasons which the Father has put in His own authority (Acts 1:7). I know that I will have strength this weekend and coming week only by the grace of God. I am nothing without Him. Today - this week - was a painful way to be reminded of that.

I hope anyone will be encouraged by this, in that they take nothing for granted; share the Gospel wherever you go for you never know when someone will need it. Be joyful always. Cherish your friends and family. Above all things, rely on God for sustenance.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28


I thank God for you. I praise Him for your life. 


And Troy, I pray that God have mercy on your soul and that you rest in peace with the Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen