Matthew 6:34

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

I can't tell you how often that gets to me.

I don't usually "feel" like blogging. But today I do. Right now I need an outlet; a place to vent and air out my struggle with worry.

Someone told me once (if I could only remember who...) that worry is the opposite of hope. Since defining hope is such a strange thing to do. I think I came to the realization that it has not so much to do with wishing or wanting as it does with believing. Having confidence that He who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6). This isn't the point, though.

I think I'm going to watch the latest episode of Glee when I'm done typing this silly thing.

I've been having some issues lately with a number of things. Namely: (1) I'm stretching myself way too thing and am incapable of saying no, (2) I get too overwhelmed because I can't manage my time or stay focused or discipline myself to do anything, (3) I'm doing so many things that it's distracting me from focusing on what's really important, and that's my relationship with God. That's been suffering lately and I'm stuck on what to do about it. It's not that I don't know what to do about it, but I feel incapable. I know, I know, Philippians 4:13, but Satan's been doing a pretty good job on me lately. I try to justify it by telling myself that putting others first is what I'm called to do, but I'm really supposed to put God first, and I don't think I've been doing that. It's like when I help people I'd rather be helping them than helping them because God told me I should. I try to be in that mindset when I help someone I don't want to be helping, but it's just not enough for my relationship with Christ.

Of course, it doesn't help that I detest reading, because that makes getting into the Word even harder!

Today, I had a semi-meltdown after school. It was only slight (or so it seemed: I was hyperventilating on the inside) but then I just started thinking. And freaking out. And then freaking out some more. Basically, I'm in panic mode right now.

I breezed through the multiple choice portion of my AP Calculus exam today. The Free Response put up a little bit more of a fight, but I think I tackled him pretty hard. I was pumped. I love math, so I was excited to be taking that test! I hope I got a 5.

But tomorrow I have to take English.

I hate English.

I'm bad at English (I'm a math person, duh) and I'm going to do terribly on the exam tomorrow.

I can't stop thinking about how awfully I'm probably going to do on the English exam tomorrow. I want to study, but what the heck do I study? At least you can study for math. It's cut and dry. So if you're naturally good at English (as many other than myself are) then all you have to do is study for math and then get a good grade. I'm at a great disadvantage because studying for English is so impossible! It's like a person can't be taught how to get something specific out of a poem or short story. They get out of it what they get out of it, and that's that--it's no one's fault. :)

I just need some serious prayer because at this point I feel like I might implode. Or explode. It doesn't matter somehow I'm going to plode, and I don't care how!

God, just please help me really know that You are in control of everything and that my worrying is just doubting everything You can do. Your plan is greater than mine, and greater than anything I could ever imagine. I know I can't do everything, so help me to see Your plan for me.

Mandisa, Stronger: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3TPq8ZSvTk