In Tune

I've been inspired.

By what, you ask?

So much.

I can't exactly pinpoint where this title came from. Well actually, it came from my thought process as I was reading someone's 365 project. I have really weird thought processes.

I'm just so weird (my Twitter even says so).

Being "in tune" always makes me think of music. Usually, anyway. Tonight I was thinking of something different before I realized that the real word I was thinking of was "insightful". Regardless, "in tune" means a lot to me. And here's why:

Musically, yes I do enjoy when things are in tune. I mean who doesn't? Especially people with perfect pitch (and I have a friend...). When I put it in perspective, I'm actually glad that I don't have perfect pitch. Sure, it would help me out a lot in sight singing when Dr. Sipes is critiquing me on my tone, but at the same time I feel as though I would just get really frustrated with pianos that were slightly out of tune, or performers who were better actors than singers, or two instruments both trying to play in concert pitch. You get the idea.

Or maybe you don't. But that's okay, really.

I've been told that I am 'insightful of my own feelings' before, and I think that's what sparked my current state of wanting to write. Granted, I am also avoiding a psychology paper...

I've always thought this to be true, and especially after it was reinforced by my kind friend. But lately, it seems as though I don't know what I'm feeling. All I'm doing is living. Breathing. Breath after breath, as if all I can do is survive.

Wake up. Brush my teeth. Sit. Listen. Take notes. Doze off. Quiz. Rehearsal. Practice. Test. Lesson. Lunch. Fellowship. Bus. Make a bracelet. Drink water. Dinner. Shower. Social network. Walk. Blink. Breathe. Live. Exist. Survive.

I was insightful once upon a time. I think I still could be if I tried. It's just that...

I don't know.

If I were to describe how I was feeling at this very moment in time my first answer would be tired: physically, mentally, emotionally tired. My body wants sleep, my mind and brain want to rest, and my emotions don't even know what to do with themselves.

I have always been very observant of people. Granted, I'm rarely observant of my surroundings, but people is something I'm good at. If I know a person, I can look at them and tell you exactly how they're feeling. If I don't know a person, I get a vibe. I also notice their features (specifically hands and feet--that's just something weird about me).

I used to never want insight into myself, but in the last few years I got some, and my own self-insight has continued growing.

It seems as though in the last 9 weeks I have lost it.

Honestly I think part of it is just pure exhaustion.

The other not-so-good thing about this is that I haven't felt spiritually challenged in months. My spiritual life is at a standstill. My relationship with God is still growing, but only in a very personal way. I haven't fallen away, and I'm not headed in a downward spiral by any means. I'm just standing still, not moving at all, as if I were content exactly where I was with no desire to move forward, step out, see what else lies beyond this point in my life and this journey I'm on with God and my brothers and sisters in Christ.

But I desire all these things. I've just lost the way to acquire them.

At the same time, however, I'm grasping the idea that God is omnipresent. And it's a good thing too, because there is nothing I can do by myself. I used to think I could, and these last 2 months have humbled me greatly in that.

My prayer for tonight is that God will give me physical, mental, emotional, spiritual rest, and wake me refreshed so that I may seek Him to face all the challenges satan throws at me, and reach out into the world to SHINE MY LIGHT.

FAVORITE song of the moment: Therapy by Relient K (of course):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHe5I5nYL-k&feature=related