Today (well actually 'yesterday') marks the end of a 4-year journey through high school that I have struggled with, enjoyed thoroughly, am relieved to have finished, and am going to miss more than anything I've ever missed before in my entire life.
It came to an end more suddenly than I would have thought, but it was a long time coming for me.
Today I had 3 'classes': Calculus which I'm going to miss more than any of them along with my favorite teacher who I'm going to miss more than anyone (partly because you can't miss someone you're going to see the premiere of Harry Potter with), Academic Extra Help which was a blast!, and Physics in which we ate cupcakes and cheese balls and discussed really deep stuff as a last day of high school sayonara. We left after that class. We took picture of the 6 of us (because 1 was absent) to mark the end and to remember it, and then it was over just like that. Just like that. I actually cried when I got out into the hallway. I wasn't going to, but it hit me all over again at once!
Then our little "group" of BFF's since elementary school, middle school took our "last day of school" pictures like always. (We looked really cute today, by the way) It was so bittersweet, and I couldn't help but think, "Wow, I'm never going to see half of them again." Our pictures were great, and we had a really fun time especially since school was still in session and we took pictures in our sad excuse for a courtyard.
I still have yet to fathom the idea that my best friends aren't going to be best friends any more. I mean, I know it and I realize it because once we all go away to school we're not going to spend every day with each other, our interests and personalities will change and grow apart, and we just won't be the same people. But it hasn't quite made sense with me yet because it hasn't happened yet, and I don't want it to. In case you hadn't noticed, change is my mortal enemy.
In all honesty, there's only one friend whom I feel will stay my BEST friend throughout the entire college experience, and we have only been best friends since the beginning of this school year. I almost feel as though I've been left behind in the dust because everyone else is all accepting of the fact that we're not going to be friends any more. I think I'm just more open about my feelings than most people, because I've had some of them tell me that they feel the exact same way, but they'd rather not think about it.
But anyway, people are people, and they will always be people. What I'm going to miss most about high school is the atmosphere, the enthusiasm, the small-town feel of inclusion, the teachers, the relationships I've had with my teachers. Everything about college is so different that I feel as though I'll hate it. I won't get back the feeling of high school every again, and I know that. That's why today was so bittersweet for me. I know God has bigger and better things planned for me in the next step, but I haven't fully grasped the fact that it's not going to be the same next year.
I love my memories of high school. Mostly from 10th grade on, I have had nothing but good times! I'm just baffled that it's all come to an end. But I will cherish each and every moment that I happen to remember, and look at my countless amounts of pictures "often and endlessly". I'll 'keep in touch' with people, but who knows what good that'll do. I just want to enjoy life, and from here on out that is what I intend to do.
Philippians 1:3-6. "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."
I know He's not finished with me yet. I just have to keep having faith in Him and let Him do what He wants with my life, because I know that His will is greater than mine. "You wanna make God laugh? Tell him your plans." I know I have a hope for the future, because my hope is in the grace and mercy of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Song of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fiwWMuTzeY
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