Well, after officially being declared a high school graduate, and getting my very own diploma with my name on it and EVERYTHING, and of course changing plans from 7 parties to 9 parties and a trip to get ice cream, I feel kind of...weird.
I mean clearly the class of 2011 has a lot of feelings, but what are these feelings exactly? Eh, I don't know. Some of everything, I guess.
It's weird, you know? I got to wear that cap and gown, and the stole and the medals and the cords for one day, 2 hours no less, and then it was time to put it all away. Then just like that, I had turned the page and closed a chapter in my life. It's been hard to put it in perspective, I guess.
I heard something today, though, that helped me put things in place a little bit better: "Life's like a book. You don't read the same chapter over and over again, do you? No. You read on to see what's going to happen next. It's the same with your life's story."
Now, I've gotten the book/chapter analogy many, many times before but this particular one seemed to click with me. I liked it. Plus last night at youth we talked about "industriousness" and how its key components are hard work and planning. I'm still working toward the ultimate goal that is to serve the Lord, further His kingdom, and spend eternal life in heaven, and also planning my life for the glory of God and accepting His will when my plans change because He has something better in mind. I'm trying to grow this summer. A lot, actually.
I'd like to get a summer job, though I'm not sure if it's going to work out. I learned to play the guitar 3 days ago, and apparently for only knowing it a few days, I'm really very good and caught on quickly. Becoming great is one of my goals this summer. Learning 4 new songs on the piano this summer is another. I also would like to finish memorizing the book of James, study Revelation, read the Gospels, read all 7 Harry Potters (less of a priority, of course), and keep a journal. There are other small things, but these are some of the things I'd like to do with my time in order to bring God glory, and start moving on with my life.
I wrote a letter to my very best friend. Writing letters and/or cards is what I do when things in my life come to and end, especially at the end of school years. She told me that she read the first few lines, and couldn't do it. Somehow, even though I've always been the one who freaks out about being separated and going to college and enduring all these changes, her saying that to me made me begin to move on. I finally got her to read it last night. I think we both needed closure, and that's helping us deal, but we don't leave for college for another 2 months! I'm trying to focus on what God wants me to do, but it's just been really hard. What do you do without your best friend? How do you 'start over' when you've shaken your vulnerability and your invisible wall keeps you from making new friends?
High school has been one of the best rides of my life. I've been told that college changes all of that, and easily becomes the best one. At this point, I'm refusing to believe it. I'm not resisting it, but I high school has been amazing. I sincerely hope that college tops it, but right now I can't imagine a better experience that my last 4 years. God can, though, and that's what I have to hold on to.
Song of the moment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysrIY84Ubmc
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
In Reverence to 'Living In The Moment'
I have one current...well,...dilemma:
My graduating class may or may not be able to proceed and recede in a proper fashion.
But on the plus side: I was officially declared a Valedictorian on Tuesday! You know, 1 of 22, but I DON'T CARE because I'm super excited! I've only had 2 days to enjoy life as a top academic student, so I'm going to milk it as long as I can. (:
(honestly, I'm just glad I don't have to sit with my home room, but with my friends instead.)
Anyway, I'll have much to say after I party hard all weekend and actually gradate! That's right: SEVEN graduation parties this weekend (I'm not throwing one, just party-hopping. (: )
My graduating class may or may not be able to proceed and recede in a proper fashion.
But on the plus side: I was officially declared a Valedictorian on Tuesday! You know, 1 of 22, but I DON'T CARE because I'm super excited! I've only had 2 days to enjoy life as a top academic student, so I'm going to milk it as long as I can. (:
(honestly, I'm just glad I don't have to sit with my home room, but with my friends instead.)
Anyway, I'll have much to say after I party hard all weekend and actually gradate! That's right: SEVEN graduation parties this weekend (I'm not throwing one, just party-hopping. (: )
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Ta-da! I'm done! Wait, what?
Today (well actually 'yesterday') marks the end of a 4-year journey through high school that I have struggled with, enjoyed thoroughly, am relieved to have finished, and am going to miss more than anything I've ever missed before in my entire life.
It came to an end more suddenly than I would have thought, but it was a long time coming for me.
Today I had 3 'classes': Calculus which I'm going to miss more than any of them along with my favorite teacher who I'm going to miss more than anyone (partly because you can't miss someone you're going to see the premiere of Harry Potter with), Academic Extra Help which was a blast!, and Physics in which we ate cupcakes and cheese balls and discussed really deep stuff as a last day of high school sayonara. We left after that class. We took picture of the 6 of us (because 1 was absent) to mark the end and to remember it, and then it was over just like that. Just like that. I actually cried when I got out into the hallway. I wasn't going to, but it hit me all over again at once!
Then our little "group" of BFF's since elementary school, middle school took our "last day of school" pictures like always. (We looked really cute today, by the way) It was so bittersweet, and I couldn't help but think, "Wow, I'm never going to see half of them again." Our pictures were great, and we had a really fun time especially since school was still in session and we took pictures in our sad excuse for a courtyard.
I still have yet to fathom the idea that my best friends aren't going to be best friends any more. I mean, I know it and I realize it because once we all go away to school we're not going to spend every day with each other, our interests and personalities will change and grow apart, and we just won't be the same people. But it hasn't quite made sense with me yet because it hasn't happened yet, and I don't want it to. In case you hadn't noticed, change is my mortal enemy.
In all honesty, there's only one friend whom I feel will stay my BEST friend throughout the entire college experience, and we have only been best friends since the beginning of this school year. I almost feel as though I've been left behind in the dust because everyone else is all accepting of the fact that we're not going to be friends any more. I think I'm just more open about my feelings than most people, because I've had some of them tell me that they feel the exact same way, but they'd rather not think about it.
But anyway, people are people, and they will always be people. What I'm going to miss most about high school is the atmosphere, the enthusiasm, the small-town feel of inclusion, the teachers, the relationships I've had with my teachers. Everything about college is so different that I feel as though I'll hate it. I won't get back the feeling of high school every again, and I know that. That's why today was so bittersweet for me. I know God has bigger and better things planned for me in the next step, but I haven't fully grasped the fact that it's not going to be the same next year.
I love my memories of high school. Mostly from 10th grade on, I have had nothing but good times! I'm just baffled that it's all come to an end. But I will cherish each and every moment that I happen to remember, and look at my countless amounts of pictures "often and endlessly". I'll 'keep in touch' with people, but who knows what good that'll do. I just want to enjoy life, and from here on out that is what I intend to do.
Philippians 1:3-6. "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."
I know He's not finished with me yet. I just have to keep having faith in Him and let Him do what He wants with my life, because I know that His will is greater than mine. "You wanna make God laugh? Tell him your plans." I know I have a hope for the future, because my hope is in the grace and mercy of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Song of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fiwWMuTzeY
It came to an end more suddenly than I would have thought, but it was a long time coming for me.
Today I had 3 'classes': Calculus which I'm going to miss more than any of them along with my favorite teacher who I'm going to miss more than anyone (partly because you can't miss someone you're going to see the premiere of Harry Potter with), Academic Extra Help which was a blast!, and Physics in which we ate cupcakes and cheese balls and discussed really deep stuff as a last day of high school sayonara. We left after that class. We took picture of the 6 of us (because 1 was absent) to mark the end and to remember it, and then it was over just like that. Just like that. I actually cried when I got out into the hallway. I wasn't going to, but it hit me all over again at once!
Then our little "group" of BFF's since elementary school, middle school took our "last day of school" pictures like always. (We looked really cute today, by the way) It was so bittersweet, and I couldn't help but think, "Wow, I'm never going to see half of them again." Our pictures were great, and we had a really fun time especially since school was still in session and we took pictures in our sad excuse for a courtyard.
I still have yet to fathom the idea that my best friends aren't going to be best friends any more. I mean, I know it and I realize it because once we all go away to school we're not going to spend every day with each other, our interests and personalities will change and grow apart, and we just won't be the same people. But it hasn't quite made sense with me yet because it hasn't happened yet, and I don't want it to. In case you hadn't noticed, change is my mortal enemy.
In all honesty, there's only one friend whom I feel will stay my BEST friend throughout the entire college experience, and we have only been best friends since the beginning of this school year. I almost feel as though I've been left behind in the dust because everyone else is all accepting of the fact that we're not going to be friends any more. I think I'm just more open about my feelings than most people, because I've had some of them tell me that they feel the exact same way, but they'd rather not think about it.
But anyway, people are people, and they will always be people. What I'm going to miss most about high school is the atmosphere, the enthusiasm, the small-town feel of inclusion, the teachers, the relationships I've had with my teachers. Everything about college is so different that I feel as though I'll hate it. I won't get back the feeling of high school every again, and I know that. That's why today was so bittersweet for me. I know God has bigger and better things planned for me in the next step, but I haven't fully grasped the fact that it's not going to be the same next year.
I love my memories of high school. Mostly from 10th grade on, I have had nothing but good times! I'm just baffled that it's all come to an end. But I will cherish each and every moment that I happen to remember, and look at my countless amounts of pictures "often and endlessly". I'll 'keep in touch' with people, but who knows what good that'll do. I just want to enjoy life, and from here on out that is what I intend to do.
Philippians 1:3-6. "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."
I know He's not finished with me yet. I just have to keep having faith in Him and let Him do what He wants with my life, because I know that His will is greater than mine. "You wanna make God laugh? Tell him your plans." I know I have a hope for the future, because my hope is in the grace and mercy of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Song of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fiwWMuTzeY
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