Here's My Heart, Lord

This weekend I had the opportunity to travel "home" to chaperone a Disciple NOW youth retreat at my church, and also get the chance to lead worship through music with the band. It never fails that a message meant for middle/high schoolers hits home with me more than anything. I always go in expecting to teach, but come out learning more than I thought was possible. This weekend we reflected on what it meant to Pause and rest in Christ. That rest is not mindless activities in front of our many screens, but that true REST was an active participation in a real and growing relationship with Christ, cultivated by persistence and consistence in prayer, reading and applying Scripture, and being in community and outreach with other believers.

I feel myself breaking. I'm weak. But I boast in my weakness because I know that in my weakness HE IS stronger. I am humbled and unworthy. I need God's never-ending grace.

This song was our anthem.

Here's My Heart Lord - David Crowder, Passion 2013

Here's my heart, Lord.
Here's my heart, Lord.
Here's my heart, Lord.
Speak what is true.

'Cause I am found. I am Yours.
I am loved. I'm made pure.
I have life. I can breathe.
I am healed. I am free.

Here's my heart, Lord.
Here's my heart, Lord.
Here's my heart, Lord.
Speak what is true.

'Cause You are strong. You are sure.
You are life. You endure.
You are good, always true.
You are light breaking through.

Here's my heart, Lord.
Here's my heart, Lord.
Here's my heart, Lord.
Speak what is true.

You are more than enough.
You are here. You are love.
You are hope. You are grace.
You're all I have. You're everything.

Here's my heart, Lord.
Here's my heart, Lord.
Here's my heart, Lord.
Speak what is true.
Speak what is true.
Speak what is true.

Life's Good

I'm going to write soon. Really this time. Not that anyone really cares. Haha. But it'll happen. Stay tuned!

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has set eternity on their hearts except that no one can know what God does from beginning to end."
Ecclesiastes 3:11

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I Have Not Disappeared

This is a blog post as information that I have not, in fact, disappeared, only been lacking in time and things to say and ways to arrange and organize my thoughts into writing. Hopefully that will change soon. Be on the look out for my ramblings very soon.

Also, I would like the world to know that Travis Whaley is an awesome individual.

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Perusings of the Weekend

Well. This has been an awful weekend. And I hate complaining, so that's why I do it here, so only 6 people have to hear. (:

I've been doing Proofs all weekend. I've been lazy, though, and haven't been able to complete a single assignment. I turned pages for a concert last night, and again for one this afternoon. Don't get me wrong, I love doing that. I just hate never having time to do anything.

I'm also getting sick and have way too much to do to be getting sick.

Whatever. I'm also missing my best friend. I feel pretty lonely. This is a season of growth for me. I know that God wants me to be satisfied only in Him, but He also designed us for community with one another. However, there is a fine line especially in my human brain. So I'm struggling. But God is good and faithful, so it'll be okay.

I'm also just kind of frustrated with the current state of my brain.

I love college. I love music. I like math. I want to teach. I want to tell people about Jesus. I want to keep being friends with all my friends. I'm kind of being a pessimist, but I'm really trying not to be! I'm thinking ahead way too much but it just seems like everything is moving so so so fast! This is my last semester that I'm taking more music classes than math classes, and it's so much fun. Except my one math class that isn't even math (proofs/logic) is taking up ALL MY TIME so I can't do anything else and have no time to practice piano. I seriously hate it.

I especially hate that once I graduate in less than 5 semesters, I won't be doing music so much any more. I'm sad because I really love it. And soon it'll be over.

What's the most unfortunate I think is my friends. I had this random thought today that I'm really going to miss page-turning for Erica when I graduate. And I'm really going to miss DTC and her incredible combination of musical and spiritual knowledge and wisdom. Because I know this is a season, I'm having a hard time just enjoying it instead of looking to the future. It basically sucks. I'm also going to miss everyone in my studio when they're all playing piano in grad school and I'm teaching math.

What am I doing? I feel like I'm not really making the most of my time here. I'm not taking advantage of all the opportunities God is giving me to grow His Kingdom. What exactly will I have accomplished for Christ's sake after I've spent 8 semesters in the music department?

Grrrrr. I really am just rambling. Sorry.

I've also been watching lots of episodes of Full House.

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Merrily Rolling Along

Or something like that.

I know I don't write a lot, and I think part of it is because I don't think I have much to say, but also that I don't have a lot of time. And I should probably doing one of two things right now that isn't this: sleeping, or reading and praying over Scripture. Both things I will do once I finish writing.

Dude life is crazy. Awesome, in fact, but also crazy. If I could explain it to you, I would. I'll try.

This past weekend I went to SEBTS (Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary) in Wake Forest for 20/20 Conference where the theme was Gospel and Mission and I had my mind blown a few times. It was pretty cool. One of my favorite little sessions, though, was one called "The Arts and the Mission of God." Dude. I can't even being to explain it. I'll probably dedicate an entire separate post to it because it seriously rocked my world.

It was good. Also, I'm realizing the beauty and depth and authenticity of God's love lately. Not that I've ever not known about it or that it was there and real, but just that I'm starting to see it and grasp it more. I have 2 friends, both very close to me, who are struggling with realizing God's love and understanding its vastness and the fact that it has no conditions. Part of that was going to this conference, but I was thinking about it before that as well. God's been completely amazing lately. I mean, He always is, but He's been working in such a way that I've been able to see it so plainly and connect all (well, from my point of view) the dots. I go from one thing to another, learning and experiencing all kinds of things, and then from Kairos to 6:33 to Bible study to 20/20 conference to Skype conversations to lunch dates, I learn something from one aspect that applies to another, or I encounter a situation where I don't fully grasp it or understand how to respond or react, and then another area has the answer. It's been so plain.

Don't get me wrong, though. I've seen God work in my life, well, my whole life. Looking back, that is. I obviously don't remember being an infant. It gives me so much hope. Like, how could I ever doubt God again? Is He not always faithful? Is He not always with us? Does He not always love us regardless of the FACT that we do NOT deserve it? Because when I look back, I remember times when I was angry with God and felt terrible and wanted to end my life and hated everything based on what now seem like trivial circumstances. I remember these times, and I remember that God delivered me. Even though I was not always faithful. I'm still not. I will always strive to be, but I won't measure up. I am so thankful for grace. I cannot say that enough, truly. I look back on my life and see what God was doing and why, and am beginning to understand why it was necessary. Now all I want to do is to bring Him glory no matter what I'm doing, even if it hurts and things don't go my way or life gets uncomfortable.

Take into account: I say all this, and yet I have not been persecuted for the sake of Christ. I have not been put into a situation where my faith was the only thing I had. That scares me. How real is my faith, then? I'm not necessarily suggesting that I need to set myself up to be in danger or to get hurt or to be let down or scared or in trouble or to be persecuted. But then again, I kind of am.

I've got a lot to think about, y'all. I wanna do something that grows God's Kingdom. Lately I've been entertaining the idea of going to a country that hasn't heard the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I don't know how, and I don't know what the heck I would do, but that's the ultimate goal: to win people's souls for Christ, including our own; living as Christ did.

Didn't mean to unload all that, but that's what happens sometimes.

In other news, I have made significant progress in my fitness routine and progressively more healthy lifestyle. Woop woop! I did stay up too late last night, though. Then had lots of coffee today. Then worked out and felt awful. Then saw Les Miserables for the 3rd time. Holler at free popcorn Mondays at the Lyric.

My prayer for you is Ephesians 3:17-19, "that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height - to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

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First Week of the Semester

Sorry I've been so absent lately, friends. But the first week of the semester is officially over, and schedules are set and things are full speed ahead!

I'm loving my classes so far (History & Analysis of Music, Proofs, piano, ear training, accompanying, online geology, online travel and tourism management) but I haven't had my lab yet. I have a feeling that's going to be the deal-breaker of the semester. But no complaints here!

Ahhh guys life is so good! I cannot explain to you God's faithfulness and awesomeness. I wish you could understand, but I do pray that you will be able to experience it also. I know that's vague and random but dude it's so true! No matter what happens in my life, whether it has to do with classes, friends, BCM, hanging out, studying, reading, piano, life in general, God is always good and I can glorify Him in everything! How cool is that?

Gosh I really wish I were more eloquent so I could portray to you the greatness of our God, but to put it simply, no words can contain Him. His love and mercy and power and wonder speak for itself. And it is so good.

Peace&Love, y'all.

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"Do not grow weary in doing good."
2 Thessalonians 3:13

Jesus First, Jesus Always.

So it's the beginning of the year 2013 and I immediately went back to look and see if I had made any resolutions last year. Turns out I did. I'm pretty, well, disappointed from the perspective that I didn't accomplish all of them (or most of them really). Granted, they were "Semester Resolutions" but I didn't make new ones for fall, so I guess they stuck around. Here they are:

1. Love people
2. Read the Word every day and spend quality time with God instead of just mindlessly skimming the pages
3. Be diligent when things get a little bit harder - don't give up or switch gears, but KOKO (Keep on keepin' on)
4. Bring a friend to Christ
5. Live a life God can be proud of
6. Eat breakfast every day
7. Leave a legacy - make my life count, and do it all for the glory of God 
8. Put school work before fun things (this will be hard)
9. FINISH my homework before midnight (also hard)
10. Learn a new skill

I will say this: that even though I didn't necessarily "succeed" 100% on all of these, I think that I was useful to growing the Kingdom of God by His grace and power, and not because of my silly goals.

But just for funsies, I did accomplish #1 (mostly - I'm still learning a lot about mercy), #6, #9 (mostly), and #10.

I tried to love my friends, I always eat breakfast, I was really good about getting my homework done in time to go to bed (which was 11 on a good/normal night), and I've learned/am learning to play the violin.

But here's the thing: the reason that I did NOT accomplish these things is because I was LAZY and SELFISH. Which are both grotesque to God. That, I think, is my one overarching resolution for 2013 - DON'T BE LAZY. My wonderful roommate has a verse stuck to her bookshelf (which I see every day before I leave the room) that has Romans 12:11 on it, which says, "Never be lazy, and serve the Lord enthusiastically." Slap. In. The. Face.

So I've come to a lot of conclusions, which is appropriate the for the end of a year and the start of another. One is that I need to do a lot of work conditioning my insides before I commit myself to "full time ministry" (aka taking the Gospel to the nations as opposed to living it where I am right now). There are several reasons why I've been thinking about this: Americans are probably not the type of people Jesus would be hanging out with. Yes, we are LARGELY sinners, but we live in excess and Jesus cared about loving the outcasts. Here in 'Murica, we think we're something. We think very highly of our country and assume people are jealous of us. Check your pride at the door (and I don't just mean you, I mean me, Katie Leachman). The Great Commission - the work that Jesus commissioned us to do as His disciples and followers until the end of time on earth - is to GO and make disciples of ALL NATIONS baptizing them in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and TEACH them to obey all that I have commanded you. Oy. So naturally I want to go because I'm sick of our culture. But then I realized that this desire I have needs to be cultivated into something beautiful and useful to God, because He did put it there for a reason. But since then He's shown me how I need to grow myself and my community and those I come in contact with on a daily basis before I can be ready and fully equipped to move across the country and love people and serve people and meet needs and share the love of Jesus there. Because I'm called to do it everywhere that I am, and that, like just about anything, starts at home.

So now, while Jesus is always right, and is always my everything, I need to be obedient to working on improving myself - my heart, my mind, my body, my spirit. I do want my life to be honoring and pleasing to God.

I am convicted that I am a sinner, doomed to fail because I will never EVER be able to measure up to meet the standards of a perfect God - my perfect King. But I will continually accept His love and grace and mercy poured out on me by the perfect blood of Jesus Christ. Because of Jesus, I can fail over and over and over again, and I definitely will! But I will not be afraid to fail. I will only be faithful. I will accept grace, and I will show grace. In everything I do I will pray for a mind and a discipline that is always looking to work hard in the name of Jesus, and never be lazy. I will fail at this too. But God will lift me out because Jesus already took the hit for it. I am so undeserving, but so grateful beyond words that my SAVIOR humbled himself to torture and death for me, so I could live in freedom from sin to do HIS glorious work for the Kingdom of God. My words do not do it justice. God is so good. Jesus is so wonderful. God is here and He is faithful. He is love.

With that, however, I do want to "plan" or "resolve" to do some things this year:

• Learn another new skill, but something crafty. It is yet to be determined, but I would really like to learn how to make a quilt and also how to knit. I would also like to learn how to snowboard, but I don't have as much control over that as I do learning how to knit. 
• I want to be disciplined with what I eat and how I exercise. I won't bore you with my detailed plan, but I will be making one and trying to keep up with it. 
• I want to read more/every day. I had a goal to finish reading the Bible by the end of this year, but I didn't quite cut it so now I'd like to finish it before Winter Break is over for me. Beyond that, however, I would like to read more in general.
• This is going to sound weird, but I would like to not get on facebook every day. Or only once a day. I admit, I have a problem with being on far too often. 
• Obviously do well in my classes.
• Pass continuation.
• Make new friends but keep the old. 
• Pray for myself, for my friends and family, for people I know or have come in contact with, my school, the BCM, missionaries, brothers and sisters in other countries, countries who don't hear the Gospel, people who haven't heard the Gospel, people who reject the Gospel, and people who are persecuted because they are not ashamed of the Gospel. 

I know this was a lot, but I'm brainstorming. 

P.S. I got to spend the New Year with 2 of my best friends already, and I am incredibly thankful for that! This will be an exciting year for many reasons, but I'd like to just take it day by day. (: Because God is good all the time, and His mercies are new every morning. I could not be more thankful for that! 

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