Monday, May 28, 2012

Humble Yourselves, Therefore...

I'm a selfish person.

It's true. I'm working on it, starting with my heart. I've begun the healing process, but I've yet to let go completely.

Other day's ramblings:

30 minutes before church this morning I got a text asking if I could come into work at 12. That was kind of poopish. But I got hours, so it's whatever. Me and another girl (also named Katie) are basically running the place. It's awesome. My hands smell like bleach. And I'm not very good at mopping, so I'm going to make the high schoolers do it at the end of their shifts. Muahaha.

I'm so thankful for my co-workers though. I mean, we're all kids really, but I like them all and we work well together after only 2 days! My feet still hurt a lot, though.

I enjoyed church this morning. Our Minister to Adults preached this morning, and I really like her and her sermons. She talked about the "fishers of men" parable in Matthew, and it made me think, a lot. I just can't articulate it. I need to give my heart to God on this one and listen for Him. It's gonna be really cool.

In Sunday school, the most important thing I think I learned today was that to truly practice humility, you have to go out of YOUR OWN way, and step into someone else's. It hit me so hard today, and I took it literally as well as physically. I though a lot about focus.

It's important that we're always focused. Always. Different people will tell to be focused on different things. Teachers, our studies. Coaches, our bodies and our health. Our parents, how to become good people. But God. God calls us to be focused on Him. But now that comes with a lot of different things, kind of. I mean if you just read through the Bible you can see all He wants us to do, and how it all comes with having the right heart.

But today I reworked focus in my brain. In a very literal sense: We go to Walmart to buy groceries, or more realistically for me, crafting supplies, we know where we need to go, what we need to get, what aisle(ish) everything is on, so we just go. It's not like I'm rushing, I just go, and do it, no distractions. But when I thought about this type of focus, someone we're talking to in casual conversation would probably say this is a good trait that we have. But what would God say about it?

Because what if we are so heavily focused on the things we think we need or want to get done that we neglect the immediately present needs of others? What if an elderly person was struggling to reach an item on a shelf nearby? We would have missed it. What if a mom with several children in tow drops something, frustrated, kids hanging all over her, and we fail to notice because we're so determined to do what WE need to do? Practicing selfishness and pride would look like that. BUT HUMILITY would look like focusing on God, in everything we do: we would ACTIVELY SEEK opportunities to help people around us because that is the second most important thing we're ever supposed to do (next to loving God: loving our neighbors AS OURSELVES).

So then, what if we treated every single person we saw in Walmart as just as important as the errand we needed to run, and gave it just as much attention? Even more? God would be pleased. This is something I need to practice. And something I want to practice in order to grow in my relationship with God and allow Him to reform my heart; change my life.

God is so awesome, and I need to recognize that more often, give Him all the credit for that, and praise His name all the time, trusting in Him to do everything He says He's able to and says He will do for me!

I need to soak in His awesomeness.

I love that my computer just auto-corrected the word "awesomeness".

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Grace

I learned a new lesson in grace today. It was a good way to learn it, too, because at no point was I angry or upset with anyone, which tends to happen with me.

I started my summer job today! I worked 7.5 hours straight, and I am quite proud of myself! Things were sort of rocky at first because all of us were getting used to doing things for the first time, but once we figured out what we were doing, all went well.

So the thing is, is I work at a pool concession stand, which is actually pretty nice considering what it is. There are these people who own the pool, or the clubhouse, or whatever and we'll just call them Smith. Well the Smiths have several children, all of whom are at the snack bar all the time getting tons of food because they get to eat half off. Which is totally fine. What was weird to me, though, was that they seemed very under appreciative. Which is also fine, because they (or at the least the dad) is above me - my boss's boss. At one point I got a little frustrated with him because I was very polite and very efficient and he was kinda rude and snobbish. My bitterness only lasted a second, though, because I remembered Who it was I was actually working for, being polite for, being diligent for - God, of course! The rest of the day, which was a VERY long day, I was never upset once. I was tired a few times, thought about complaining once, but I never did. I had joy all day long, through the sweat, the many yawns, the rude customers, and the new staff (myself included).

Of course, God and His amazingly perfect timing always being awesome, when I got home and got in the shower (where I always listen to the radio) the Spirit verse came on the air that read:

"Whatever you do, work at it as though you are working for the Lord, and not for man."

(Colossians 3:23)

I was like, YEAH!  That's totally what happened. That's exactly how I've set my heart and mind on this job, and here's hoping that whenever I get tired or cranky I turn to the Lord for strength and peace and JOY, because I love joy. 

So, YAY! I finished my first day of work! God is so good for giving me this job. And, I look forward to serving Him in it! :D 

Friday, May 25, 2012

Regurgitation (Gross)

I did not get out of bed until 11:30. No matter. Alexa came over and we made stir fry followed by a trip to Starbucks and also to Coldstone. You may say we acted a little excessively. But I say differently. This Starbucks trip had been planned, so we did not have coffee this morning. Coldstone was a last minute decision because we had a coupon. Therefore, we were being both thoughtful and thrifty!

Since then I've done a lot of nothing. Oh except that I have officially played the first 370 hymns in my Worship Hymnal. I sat at the piano for over 100 straight, and my leg was sore from pedaling once I was done! However, playing through the entire hymnal is a feat I hope to finish by June. If not, then it's just a summer goal and will be completed before I go back to school.

So. I was thinking a few minutes ago. I read the words of someone else as they talked about limiting God. Sometimes I'm like her - I get so used to the idea of "God" that I stop thinking of Him as spectacular, even though He still has this great awesome power that nothing else does, and He does incredible things, performs amazing miracles all the time! I don't want to become lukewarm like that.

"I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!"

I realize that our brains get in the way of our hearts when it comes to "being a Christian". I put things in quotes a lot. Mer. Oh well. We have this knowledge of typical Christian jargon and colloquialisms that will make us sound spiritual, and so when we talk to our "Christian friends" we always feel the need to speak this way. It's kind of weird. If my heart was in the right place, I would be praying to God to give me the words to speak to any one person and do it in love in the name of Jesus, whether this person was a believer or not. I mean yeah there are words you can say to make you sound more spiritual, and that do a lot in the way of conveying a believer's message. 

There are just way too many things that we try to keep track of when it comes to trying to be a "good" Christian. Only one thing matters: God. We love God. We obey God. We talk to God. We petition to God. We listen to God. When we truly do all these things, and our hearts are really set and focused on Him, we won't have to worry about what to say because God will give us words. And we won't have to worry about what to do, because we've been learning since we were babies the right and wrong things to do and why God instructs us in this way. 

I'm working on this. 

I start my job tomorrow. I hope I can let Jesus's light shine out of me! I'm a little nervous. Who wouldn't be? But I will do it, and I will do it well for God. It will be splendid! 

I have a goal of making my bedroom wonderfully clean and organized and de-cluttered by Wednesday. We'll see how that goes. I will come forth bearing an update. Sayonara! 

<3

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Manna Thursdays

Went on a run (walk).

Coffee.

Laundry/Shower.

Cleaning.

Piano, of course. I think I've almost hit the 200 mark in my hymnal. Also, I've decided to learn a Prelude & Fugue (G Major) this summer. We'll see how that turns out. I'll probably start work on a Nocturne, too, as well as learning the last 2 movements of the Mozart Sonata I played this semester.

I went to Manna Ministries to serve tonight. For the first time, in a long time, I was overcome with God's presence - that He truly is working in this world, in people's hearts, in our communities, in our families, friends, neighbors - in everyone. Manna is a place where people in our community come on Thursday evenings to get food, clothes, hygiene supplies, toys/diapers/supplies for babies and kids, and also to sit with each other and with us in a place they know they're safe and their kids are safe. These are people who have been down on their luck, so to speak. Life has hit them hard, and that is evident by looking at them on the outside.

But I rejoiced in them tonight. I didn't really do much - served water and coffee and crackers - but I watched, and I interacted, I talked. I was touched and my heart was broken. These people are so grateful for Manna Ministries, and it shows in the way they talk to you. One man, whom I spoke to several times, kept saying 'thank you, Katie' and laughing and joking and messing around and his friends there with him were all carrying on just the same. The funny thing is, though, is that he called me by name deliberately because he looked at my volunteer's name tag. He was very polite and I had a lot of respect for him.

There was also a woman who asked for a mop or a broom or something because her daughter had made a mess. She told me that someone else said they'd take care of it, but then went on to explain "Well she's my daughter so I've got to clean up her mess. She's only 2, so that's what you've got to do." For some reason I was just blown away by all these people.

The kids get me too. All of them grab a cup and then politely come up to the counter where I'm standing to ask if they can have some water, when all they have to do is go to the end and get it themselves, but I always say "Yes, of course!" and hand them a cup, for which they always smile and say thank you.

I got a little perspective kicked into me today. If I had to wait in a hot room full of smelly people just to eat a meal, or if my kid spilled something and I had to clean it up, or they were out of lemonade and only had water, I would not be a happy camper. I am so ungrateful for the things I have, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I try to 'be a good person' and love others, but I'm so prideful about so many things. Pride can take many forms, and I think I discovered one of them today. Stuff. When I'm "lacking" something in my life or in my realm of possessions, I complain, get angry, throw fits, focus on getting it back or something. What I should be focused on is how to get other people things that they need instead of worrying about what I want. Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.

I need - I want - a mind and a heart that focuses on the needs of other people. I got to do that tonight, but I feel that my heart could be into it way more. I love serving, giving back, giving in general, loving people. I am praying that God gives me a lens of grace to look through when running in to people so that I can love them without condition and without judgment to show them God's deeper love for all of us.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Prodigal.

I feel like I wasted today. Which sucks. Oh well.

I did learn a lot about King Herod and Jesus from Jesus For President. That was good. But I kept getting distracted. Which is not good.

I went to the allergist today. I was there for one hour. I went to Walmart and bought myself some of the cheap decaf coffee. I made some when I got home. It wasn't strong enough. Probably because I'm no good at making coffee because I either a.) buy it already made or b.) have some else make it for me. But I will get better at it. I went for "orientation" at work today. That was fun, I suppose. Though I got rained on profusely.

I really am not okay with the fact that I wasted this day away. Maybe I'll try to make something of it in the next 3 hours. I have 2 books I'm reading: Jesus For President, obviously, and also a book called Own Your Faith, which I got before I went to college, but after getting into it a little bit I've found that it'll still be helpful and probably stimulating to read. So yes. I also have some more cleaning/organizing to do, so maybe I'll do that as well. Who knows, maybe I'll just end up eating ice cream, making a bracelet, and watching a movie.

p.s. Here's a picture of the bracelet I made on Saturday/Sunday/Monday. It's my best yet.

I am using one of Job's prayers tonight as I try to take back my day:

"Teach me and I will be quite; show me where I have been wrong." 
(Job 6:24)

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

We Will Be Blessed

Well. I just got back from Launch (a night of Word and worship for college students) and my mind and heart are racing right now with so much awesomeness!

We went through the first 18 verses of the first chapter of James, and what's funny is that I have it memorized from a point in my life where I sought to memorize the whole book of James (only got through chapter 3). ANYWAY.

I'll come back to that in a sec.

I woke up this morning and went in for a fairly informal job interview. BUT I GOT THE JOB. I'm so happy. Like really. I have a job. God is faithful, just like He promises to be when we're faithful to Him. I had no doubts about that, but I'm thrilled that this was His plan for me! After that I went on a "run" (walk) with Alexa per usual, we had coffee, ate lunch, got some sun (I smell like tanning lotion), watched a movie, and hung out and junk. It was good. Then I ran home from her house since we didn't ACTUALLY run this morning, and I sweated a lot, then went to Launch at 7:00.

When I don't get to sing and worship God for a while, it makes me sad. It also has made me realize something about myself: I almost depend on music to worship God. Now, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I know that music is my easiest and happiest way of worshipping God, and so I long for it constantly. I do worship Him in other ways too, but music is where we connect the best, so I feel lost without it sometimes. This is something I am working on, but I'm happy to say that I got to worship Jesus through song tonight! :D

Okay so James. Great great book of the Bible. My favorite actually.

v. 2-3:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." 

Really this is something I've known and practiced for a while. If you ask anyone who knew me, they'd tell you that JOY is my favorite subject in the Bible. It should probably be love, but it's not. I love Joy. I love love too, but I love to talk about joy, to practice joy, and to show other people true joy. Which is a part of love. Bam. ACTUALLY I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY. Joy is very self-focused. So maybe I'm selfish. Love is about other people. But really joy isn't about us - it's about God. Which makes it less self-focused. It just deals mostly with our own insides and not the people around us. A rather important concept, nonetheless. 

Tonight we defined joy and happiness:

Happiness is circumstantial. 
Joy is of God. Constant. 

Those who do not know the love of Jesus can never understand joy for what it is. 

I liked that. 

v. 13: 
"When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone." 

God does not tempt. He allows us to be tempted by Satan that we may turn to God in faith as the tough crap comes at us - we are made to be tempted so that we may realized the goodness of God and trust Him even during trials because it makes us stronger. We must persevere. Luckily God always gives a way out when we're tempted, as long as we stay focused on Him and have JOY in the hope that is Jesus Christ. 

v. 17 (my favorite new nugget of knowledge): 
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

This completely blew my mind with the amount of metaphorical nonsense God gave James to shove into this verse. Dude. Whoa. 
- Everything good is of God; meaning everything bad is from Satan - though not necessarily directly from Satan, but as a result of perhaps previous temptations Satan gave man who fell for it because their faith was not strong enough. 
- Father of lights: not darkness, for God is NOT evil (which is why He won't tempt us).
- Doesn't change; constant; same yesterday, today, and tomorrow - always; never stops loving us, never stops being the reason we have hope and JOY.
- Shifting shadows: No matter where WE turn, the shadow that is God in our lives does not change. I realized this metaphor tonight so fully and wonderfully that my entire realm of understanding was rocked! 

My realization: God created this world and everything in it so specifically and so detailed so that He could give us accurate representations (on a smaller scale) of the love of Jesus and the power of Himself. Basically, all of creation is a metaphor for God and everything that He is - for everything that Christianity is supposed to be about. 

Jesus, the Son of God, is the sun in this picture. We, little humans, are ourselves. Our shadows in this situation, God, because they are always with us when the sun (Son) is with us - Jesus with God is inevitable. Normally, on earth, when we are outside in the sun, we have a shadow. I mean we always have a shadow. But it changes when we turn around. It also changes when the sun moves and changes. 

God is telling us that Jesus is the sun that always stays still - that always remains constant even when we are still moving around and going from place to place, at times deviating away from Him. I took it as Jesus is the sun that always stays at high noon. Directly above us, so we can't see any shadows. And He's there forever, never changing, never letting us out of His sight no matter how far we run away. 

This, my friends, is the amazing power of God and the love of Jesus Christ. 

Finally, if we fight this fight, push through the temptation with our faith in Jesus, and gain the perseverance that is believing and trusting in Jesus, we will be blessed. 

v. 12: 
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him."

Props to you for reading this all the way through. 

God is good, all the time. Stay blessed, my friends. 

Monday, May 21, 2012

Drills and Rain Clouds

Today was actually a pretty nice day. I woke up at 11:00 with a voicemail from a man who's going to give me an interview at a pool snack bar tomorrow morning! That was quite exciting, indeed! Now, I just need to nail it and get that job. All in a day's work.

It was a nice day to tan, so I did that and the backs of my legs are burnt. It's quite wonderful. The first burn of summer is always a good one. Haha I sound so weird! But I'm really okay with that.

All the while, I decided to pick up a book called Jesus for President which I started last summer but didn't make it very far. Let me just say that I couldn't put it down! This book is blowing me away. The only reason I stopped was because this giant drill started going right over the fence from my back yard and I couldn't focus. Plus I think if I had stayed outside any longer my legs would be too burnt for me to sit down!

So I continued reading on the couch. This book is completely everything I've been wrestling with and trying to figure out about politics in the church and how God handles it, or has handled it in the past. It's all very interesting stuff! What I've read so far went through a lot of the Old Testament (which Claborne refers to as the "Hebrew Scriptures" so as to not make them sound 'old' or outdated) explaining how God used people with nothing, people who typically had nothing to do with the kings or rulers or principalities of their land because they were just trying to get by. God had to come and save the land in which His people lived - the ones He called to become His children - the ones who were lowly to the world.

I cannot wait to finish reading!

I'm also in the midst of spring cleaning right now... I've been sneezing all day because there's so much dust everywhere, but I'm making a dent in the cleaning process, thankfully!

Oh and I keep forgetting to mention that one of my goals this summer is to play every single hymn in my new(ish) Worship Hymnal. I don't have the exact count as of today, but I'll let you all know tomorrow!

God is good, my friends. God is so good!