Thursday, May 31, 2012

Vulnerability

I picked back up Jesus For President again today. I'm really enjoying this read. I just hope I get something out of it that I put into practice.

Day 2, and my room is still clean. Hallelujah!

Alexa and I revealed our tie-dye today - they stained the dryer. Whoops! Picture to come...

Work today lasted 3.5 hours and was excruciatingly boring. We made $26.00, and I read my book. I feel like I should've been talking to my co-worker instead, but I didn't. I don't know. I'm torn.

I've realized something about myself: I'm bad at being vulnerable the way God wants me to. I have this attitude that I can just keep things to myself and it'll all get worked out eventually. I think this probably came from a point in my life where I was always complaining to get attention, and I thought the only way to get that attention or get people to talk to me was to act like I had a lot of problems. Once I realized that was super annoying, I stopped talking about my problems - stopped complaining.

Now, I'm having a hard time finding a line between complaining and just talking about how I feel or what's going on in my life to the people closest to me. Even with God I'm not real sometimes. It's like somehow I don't believe in the truth that says God already knows everything about me, so if I don't talk to Him about it He won't have to know and I won't feel bad.

But there is no condemnation in Christ. I need to remember that so I can pour out my heart to God instead of hiding it from Him, which is impossible to do anyway.

Anyway. God is good. Great, actually. And He loves YOU! By grace and through faith in Jesus there is salvation, and this, my friends, is THE Good News!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Not That I'm Complaining...

Today Alexa and I ran (per usual) and then we tie-dyed shirts just for the heck of it! I'll get to see how it turned out tomorrow. (They're purple and green, by the way - my two favorite colors!)

But then I cleaned. For 5 hours I cleaned. My room hasn't looked this good probably since we moved in. No joke. Even my mom came in and said I should take a picture, and she just wanted to stand in it and look at it because she's never seen it look this good.

I cleaned the piano room. I took out a bunch of trash. I swept. I vacuumed. I did dishes. I organized, and disinfected. And then... my efforts went to waste. That happens when you live with a teenaged boy anyway, but reason I was cleaning was because I was going to have a friend over. And since we never have company, and we also NEVER clean, I had to frantically try and make the house look presentable, and I thought I had done a good job of it. Alas, plans fell through and I'm sitting alone in my clean but empty bed room with nothing to do.

Oh well. There's always next time, and incentive to clean more often (haha yeah right).

I haven't felt any spiritual growth today. I've also gained weight, and it shows, and I'm upset about that. I realize that I shouldn't be getting worked up about it, but it's just been one of those days.

I realize also that I'm not feeding my spirit like I'm feeding my body, and that's a huge problem. I'm gonna try and work on that, so here's my giving myself a few practical ways of attempting this:

- When I go to work, don't eat if I'm working a short shift! Don't drink soda, but instead drink water, and bring a book to read when business slows down so I'll do that instead of eating, because I tend to eat when I get bored. I have several book options I could be focusing on that will aid my growing relationship with Jesus, but I haven't been bringing them to work for some reason. I really should, though, and I think tomorrow I will. I only work 3-4 hours tomorrow so I won't have to eat, and we probably won't have much to do. I'll try to run tomorrow, too.

Anyway. My rant is done. I apologize for the morbidity of this post. There is joy in the Lord! And in Him I feel content, joyful, peaceful right now.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

James

Tonight, James punched me in the throat via Scott Quirin.

I need to start living up to the Gospel I so often preach.

James 1:21-27

Monday, May 28, 2012

Praise, Work, Yeah

I've had this song stuck in my head - Praise His Holy Name! - and it's probs because I've been playing a zillion times a day since...well yesterday. And I like it! It's all syncopated and jazzy and awesome.

The first line is: "Sing 'til the power of the Lord come down; shout Hallelujah! Praise His holy name!"
It's so cool to me because it completely reinforces everything I believe about worshipping God through singing and music and dancing, and that's what I think when I think of straight up praising Jesus! This song has been so encouraging, because I'll whistle it while I'm at work and it's just that reminder of God's love and Jesus's awesomeness.

Also. Work. Has been pretty good, I suppose. Although it's kind of been keeping me from my friends and doing things other than, well, working. And it's only going to get worse. Putting things in perspective, though, I guess it's good because I'm making some pretty good money and it's causing me to actually get up and do something instead of lay around the house. Although, I'm eating REALLY unhealthily at work, so it may not be the best for my body. Oh well. My co-workers rock, and I am so fortunate for them. Which I probably said yesterday. Well. It's still true today. So whatever. I'm still trying to live up to Paul's call to commit our work to the Lord, and to work for Him rather than man because that really is where I'll find the most joy. I think it helps that my work involves serving people because it's so much fun to serve and I get a lot of joy out of that, which is how God intended it! Yay! :D

Side note: last night I had a really funny Skype conversation with a really good friend of mine whom I haven't seen in over 3 weeks! Tragic really. But anyway, I don't think I've laughed so hard in my entire life, and I have to say, it feels good. Truly. I GET TO SEE FRIEND TOMORROW! I mean, my friends at work are great, but they're like forced friendships. Tomorrow/Wednesday will both be great days. I am excited to see how I commit my life to God.

Oh dang. I did something horrible today. There was a man standing on the road at the giant intersection on 220, who needed help according to his cardboard sign. I didn't know what to do. I was sitting in traffic, waiting for the stoplight to turn green, and I couldn't figure out what to do. I panicked! Then the light turned green and all the cars pulled away and the man turned around and shook his head. I felt so awful! I wanted desperately to give him a ride to work with me and give him some food or money or something, but then I remembered everything people have warned me about, obviously, because I'm a young girl and picking up old men is dangerous. But didn't Jesus do dangerous things? But He was a man. WHO CARES? Gosh. I just didn't know what to do.

Jesus and I need to talk.

Humble Yourselves, Therefore...

I'm a selfish person.

It's true. I'm working on it, starting with my heart. I've begun the healing process, but I've yet to let go completely.

Other day's ramblings:

30 minutes before church this morning I got a text asking if I could come into work at 12. That was kind of poopish. But I got hours, so it's whatever. Me and another girl (also named Katie) are basically running the place. It's awesome. My hands smell like bleach. And I'm not very good at mopping, so I'm going to make the high schoolers do it at the end of their shifts. Muahaha.

I'm so thankful for my co-workers though. I mean, we're all kids really, but I like them all and we work well together after only 2 days! My feet still hurt a lot, though.

I enjoyed church this morning. Our Minister to Adults preached this morning, and I really like her and her sermons. She talked about the "fishers of men" parable in Matthew, and it made me think, a lot. I just can't articulate it. I need to give my heart to God on this one and listen for Him. It's gonna be really cool.

In Sunday school, the most important thing I think I learned today was that to truly practice humility, you have to go out of YOUR OWN way, and step into someone else's. It hit me so hard today, and I took it literally as well as physically. I though a lot about focus.

It's important that we're always focused. Always. Different people will tell to be focused on different things. Teachers, our studies. Coaches, our bodies and our health. Our parents, how to become good people. But God. God calls us to be focused on Him. But now that comes with a lot of different things, kind of. I mean if you just read through the Bible you can see all He wants us to do, and how it all comes with having the right heart.

But today I reworked focus in my brain. In a very literal sense: We go to Walmart to buy groceries, or more realistically for me, crafting supplies, we know where we need to go, what we need to get, what aisle(ish) everything is on, so we just go. It's not like I'm rushing, I just go, and do it, no distractions. But when I thought about this type of focus, someone we're talking to in casual conversation would probably say this is a good trait that we have. But what would God say about it?

Because what if we are so heavily focused on the things we think we need or want to get done that we neglect the immediately present needs of others? What if an elderly person was struggling to reach an item on a shelf nearby? We would have missed it. What if a mom with several children in tow drops something, frustrated, kids hanging all over her, and we fail to notice because we're so determined to do what WE need to do? Practicing selfishness and pride would look like that. BUT HUMILITY would look like focusing on God, in everything we do: we would ACTIVELY SEEK opportunities to help people around us because that is the second most important thing we're ever supposed to do (next to loving God: loving our neighbors AS OURSELVES).

So then, what if we treated every single person we saw in Walmart as just as important as the errand we needed to run, and gave it just as much attention? Even more? God would be pleased. This is something I need to practice. And something I want to practice in order to grow in my relationship with God and allow Him to reform my heart; change my life.

God is so awesome, and I need to recognize that more often, give Him all the credit for that, and praise His name all the time, trusting in Him to do everything He says He's able to and says He will do for me!

I need to soak in His awesomeness.

I love that my computer just auto-corrected the word "awesomeness".

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Grace

I learned a new lesson in grace today. It was a good way to learn it, too, because at no point was I angry or upset with anyone, which tends to happen with me.

I started my summer job today! I worked 7.5 hours straight, and I am quite proud of myself! Things were sort of rocky at first because all of us were getting used to doing things for the first time, but once we figured out what we were doing, all went well.

So the thing is, is I work at a pool concession stand, which is actually pretty nice considering what it is. There are these people who own the pool, or the clubhouse, or whatever and we'll just call them Smith. Well the Smiths have several children, all of whom are at the snack bar all the time getting tons of food because they get to eat half off. Which is totally fine. What was weird to me, though, was that they seemed very under appreciative. Which is also fine, because they (or at the least the dad) is above me - my boss's boss. At one point I got a little frustrated with him because I was very polite and very efficient and he was kinda rude and snobbish. My bitterness only lasted a second, though, because I remembered Who it was I was actually working for, being polite for, being diligent for - God, of course! The rest of the day, which was a VERY long day, I was never upset once. I was tired a few times, thought about complaining once, but I never did. I had joy all day long, through the sweat, the many yawns, the rude customers, and the new staff (myself included).

Of course, God and His amazingly perfect timing always being awesome, when I got home and got in the shower (where I always listen to the radio) the Spirit verse came on the air that read:

"Whatever you do, work at it as though you are working for the Lord, and not for man."

(Colossians 3:23)

I was like, YEAH!  That's totally what happened. That's exactly how I've set my heart and mind on this job, and here's hoping that whenever I get tired or cranky I turn to the Lord for strength and peace and JOY, because I love joy. 

So, YAY! I finished my first day of work! God is so good for giving me this job. And, I look forward to serving Him in it! :D 

Friday, May 25, 2012

Regurgitation (Gross)

I did not get out of bed until 11:30. No matter. Alexa came over and we made stir fry followed by a trip to Starbucks and also to Coldstone. You may say we acted a little excessively. But I say differently. This Starbucks trip had been planned, so we did not have coffee this morning. Coldstone was a last minute decision because we had a coupon. Therefore, we were being both thoughtful and thrifty!

Since then I've done a lot of nothing. Oh except that I have officially played the first 370 hymns in my Worship Hymnal. I sat at the piano for over 100 straight, and my leg was sore from pedaling once I was done! However, playing through the entire hymnal is a feat I hope to finish by June. If not, then it's just a summer goal and will be completed before I go back to school.

So. I was thinking a few minutes ago. I read the words of someone else as they talked about limiting God. Sometimes I'm like her - I get so used to the idea of "God" that I stop thinking of Him as spectacular, even though He still has this great awesome power that nothing else does, and He does incredible things, performs amazing miracles all the time! I don't want to become lukewarm like that.

"I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!"

I realize that our brains get in the way of our hearts when it comes to "being a Christian". I put things in quotes a lot. Mer. Oh well. We have this knowledge of typical Christian jargon and colloquialisms that will make us sound spiritual, and so when we talk to our "Christian friends" we always feel the need to speak this way. It's kind of weird. If my heart was in the right place, I would be praying to God to give me the words to speak to any one person and do it in love in the name of Jesus, whether this person was a believer or not. I mean yeah there are words you can say to make you sound more spiritual, and that do a lot in the way of conveying a believer's message. 

There are just way too many things that we try to keep track of when it comes to trying to be a "good" Christian. Only one thing matters: God. We love God. We obey God. We talk to God. We petition to God. We listen to God. When we truly do all these things, and our hearts are really set and focused on Him, we won't have to worry about what to say because God will give us words. And we won't have to worry about what to do, because we've been learning since we were babies the right and wrong things to do and why God instructs us in this way. 

I'm working on this. 

I start my job tomorrow. I hope I can let Jesus's light shine out of me! I'm a little nervous. Who wouldn't be? But I will do it, and I will do it well for God. It will be splendid! 

I have a goal of making my bedroom wonderfully clean and organized and de-cluttered by Wednesday. We'll see how that goes. I will come forth bearing an update. Sayonara! 

<3

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Manna Thursdays

Went on a run (walk).

Coffee.

Laundry/Shower.

Cleaning.

Piano, of course. I think I've almost hit the 200 mark in my hymnal. Also, I've decided to learn a Prelude & Fugue (G Major) this summer. We'll see how that turns out. I'll probably start work on a Nocturne, too, as well as learning the last 2 movements of the Mozart Sonata I played this semester.

I went to Manna Ministries to serve tonight. For the first time, in a long time, I was overcome with God's presence - that He truly is working in this world, in people's hearts, in our communities, in our families, friends, neighbors - in everyone. Manna is a place where people in our community come on Thursday evenings to get food, clothes, hygiene supplies, toys/diapers/supplies for babies and kids, and also to sit with each other and with us in a place they know they're safe and their kids are safe. These are people who have been down on their luck, so to speak. Life has hit them hard, and that is evident by looking at them on the outside.

But I rejoiced in them tonight. I didn't really do much - served water and coffee and crackers - but I watched, and I interacted, I talked. I was touched and my heart was broken. These people are so grateful for Manna Ministries, and it shows in the way they talk to you. One man, whom I spoke to several times, kept saying 'thank you, Katie' and laughing and joking and messing around and his friends there with him were all carrying on just the same. The funny thing is, though, is that he called me by name deliberately because he looked at my volunteer's name tag. He was very polite and I had a lot of respect for him.

There was also a woman who asked for a mop or a broom or something because her daughter had made a mess. She told me that someone else said they'd take care of it, but then went on to explain "Well she's my daughter so I've got to clean up her mess. She's only 2, so that's what you've got to do." For some reason I was just blown away by all these people.

The kids get me too. All of them grab a cup and then politely come up to the counter where I'm standing to ask if they can have some water, when all they have to do is go to the end and get it themselves, but I always say "Yes, of course!" and hand them a cup, for which they always smile and say thank you.

I got a little perspective kicked into me today. If I had to wait in a hot room full of smelly people just to eat a meal, or if my kid spilled something and I had to clean it up, or they were out of lemonade and only had water, I would not be a happy camper. I am so ungrateful for the things I have, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I try to 'be a good person' and love others, but I'm so prideful about so many things. Pride can take many forms, and I think I discovered one of them today. Stuff. When I'm "lacking" something in my life or in my realm of possessions, I complain, get angry, throw fits, focus on getting it back or something. What I should be focused on is how to get other people things that they need instead of worrying about what I want. Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.

I need - I want - a mind and a heart that focuses on the needs of other people. I got to do that tonight, but I feel that my heart could be into it way more. I love serving, giving back, giving in general, loving people. I am praying that God gives me a lens of grace to look through when running in to people so that I can love them without condition and without judgment to show them God's deeper love for all of us.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Prodigal.

I feel like I wasted today. Which sucks. Oh well.

I did learn a lot about King Herod and Jesus from Jesus For President. That was good. But I kept getting distracted. Which is not good.

I went to the allergist today. I was there for one hour. I went to Walmart and bought myself some of the cheap decaf coffee. I made some when I got home. It wasn't strong enough. Probably because I'm no good at making coffee because I either a.) buy it already made or b.) have some else make it for me. But I will get better at it. I went for "orientation" at work today. That was fun, I suppose. Though I got rained on profusely.

I really am not okay with the fact that I wasted this day away. Maybe I'll try to make something of it in the next 3 hours. I have 2 books I'm reading: Jesus For President, obviously, and also a book called Own Your Faith, which I got before I went to college, but after getting into it a little bit I've found that it'll still be helpful and probably stimulating to read. So yes. I also have some more cleaning/organizing to do, so maybe I'll do that as well. Who knows, maybe I'll just end up eating ice cream, making a bracelet, and watching a movie.

p.s. Here's a picture of the bracelet I made on Saturday/Sunday/Monday. It's my best yet.

I am using one of Job's prayers tonight as I try to take back my day:

"Teach me and I will be quite; show me where I have been wrong." 
(Job 6:24)

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

We Will Be Blessed

Well. I just got back from Launch (a night of Word and worship for college students) and my mind and heart are racing right now with so much awesomeness!

We went through the first 18 verses of the first chapter of James, and what's funny is that I have it memorized from a point in my life where I sought to memorize the whole book of James (only got through chapter 3). ANYWAY.

I'll come back to that in a sec.

I woke up this morning and went in for a fairly informal job interview. BUT I GOT THE JOB. I'm so happy. Like really. I have a job. God is faithful, just like He promises to be when we're faithful to Him. I had no doubts about that, but I'm thrilled that this was His plan for me! After that I went on a "run" (walk) with Alexa per usual, we had coffee, ate lunch, got some sun (I smell like tanning lotion), watched a movie, and hung out and junk. It was good. Then I ran home from her house since we didn't ACTUALLY run this morning, and I sweated a lot, then went to Launch at 7:00.

When I don't get to sing and worship God for a while, it makes me sad. It also has made me realize something about myself: I almost depend on music to worship God. Now, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I know that music is my easiest and happiest way of worshipping God, and so I long for it constantly. I do worship Him in other ways too, but music is where we connect the best, so I feel lost without it sometimes. This is something I am working on, but I'm happy to say that I got to worship Jesus through song tonight! :D

Okay so James. Great great book of the Bible. My favorite actually.

v. 2-3:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

Really this is something I've known and practiced for a while. If you ask anyone who knew me, they'd tell you that JOY is my favorite subject in the Bible. It should probably be love, but it's not. I love Joy. I love love too, but I love to talk about joy, to practice joy, and to show other people true joy. Which is a part of love. Bam. ACTUALLY I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY. Joy is very self-focused. So maybe I'm selfish. Love is about other people. But really joy isn't about us - it's about God. Which makes it less self-focused. It just deals mostly with our own insides and not the people around us. A rather important concept, nonetheless. 

Tonight we defined joy and happiness:

Happiness is circumstantial. 
Joy is of God. Constant. 

Those who do not know the love of Jesus can never understand joy for what it is. 

I liked that. 

v. 13: 
"When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone.

God does not tempt. He allows us to be tempted by Satan that we may turn to God in faith as the tough crap comes at us - we are made to be tempted so that we may realized the goodness of God and trust Him even during trials because it makes us stronger. We must persevere. Luckily God always gives a way out when we're tempted, as long as we stay focused on Him and have JOY in the hope that is Jesus Christ. 

v. 17 (my favorite new nugget of knowledge): 
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

This completely blew my mind with the amount of metaphorical nonsense God gave James to shove into this verse. Dude. Whoa. 
- Everything good is of God; meaning everything bad is from Satan - though not necessarily directly from Satan, but as a result of perhaps previous temptations Satan gave man who fell for it because their faith was not strong enough. 
- Father of lights: not darkness, for God is NOT evil (which is why He won't tempt us).
- Doesn't change; constant; same yesterday, today, and tomorrow - always; never stops loving us, never stops being the reason we have hope and JOY.
- Shifting shadows: No matter where WE turn, the shadow that is God in our lives does not change. I realized this metaphor tonight so fully and wonderfully that my entire realm of understanding was rocked! 

My realization: God created this world and everything in it so specifically and so detailed so that He could give us accurate representations (on a smaller scale) of the love of Jesus and the power of Himself. Basically, all of creation is a metaphor for God and everything that He is - for everything that Christianity is supposed to be about. 

Jesus, the Son of God, is the sun in this picture. We, little humans, are ourselves. Our shadows in this situation, God, because they are always with us when the sun (Son) is with us - Jesus with God is inevitable. Normally, on earth, when we are outside in the sun, we have a shadow. I mean we always have a shadow. But it changes when we turn around. It also changes when the sun moves and changes. 

God is telling us that Jesus is the sun that always stays still - that always remains constant even when we are still moving around and going from place to place, at times deviating away from Him. I took it as Jesus is the sun that always stays at high noon. Directly above us, so we can't see any shadows. And He's there forever, never changing, never letting us out of His sight no matter how far we run away. 

This, my friends, is the amazing power of God and the love of Jesus Christ. 

Finally, if we fight this fight, push through the temptation with our faith in Jesus, and gain the perseverance that is believing and trusting in Jesus, we will be blessed. 

v. 12: 
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him."

Props to you for reading this all the way through. 

God is good, all the time. Stay blessed, my friends. 

Monday, May 21, 2012

Drills and Rain Clouds

Today was actually a pretty nice day. I woke up at 11:00 with a voicemail from a man who's going to give me an interview at a pool snack bar tomorrow morning! That was quite exciting, indeed! Now, I just need to nail it and get that job. All in a day's work.

It was a nice day to tan, so I did that and the backs of my legs are burnt. It's quite wonderful. The first burn of summer is always a good one. Haha I sound so weird! But I'm really okay with that.

All the while, I decided to pick up a book called Jesus for President which I started last summer but didn't make it very far. Let me just say that I couldn't put it down! This book is blowing me away. The only reason I stopped was because this giant drill started going right over the fence from my back yard and I couldn't focus. Plus I think if I had stayed outside any longer my legs would be too burnt for me to sit down!

So I continued reading on the couch. This book is completely everything I've been wrestling with and trying to figure out about politics in the church and how God handles it, or has handled it in the past. It's all very interesting stuff! What I've read so far went through a lot of the Old Testament (which Claborne refers to as the "Hebrew Scriptures" so as to not make them sound 'old' or outdated) explaining how God used people with nothing, people who typically had nothing to do with the kings or rulers or principalities of their land because they were just trying to get by. God had to come and save the land in which His people lived - the ones He called to become His children - the ones who were lowly to the world.

I cannot wait to finish reading!

I'm also in the midst of spring cleaning right now... I've been sneezing all day because there's so much dust everywhere, but I'm making a dent in the cleaning process, thankfully!

Oh and I keep forgetting to mention that one of my goals this summer is to play every single hymn in my new(ish) Worship Hymnal. I don't have the exact count as of today, but I'll let you all know tomorrow!

God is good, my friends. God is so good!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

SUNDAY, HALLELUJAH. It's not so far... dooo doo dooo

Today I woke up, went to church, Josh Witt (our youth pastor candidate) was voted in at 99.8% positive SO I'M SUPER HAPPY! I came home, went to put in an application at a Country Club pool, realized that people spend WAY too much money to play golf (like it's seriously ridiculous), and I've been feverishly checking my email every 5 seconds to see if any jobs I've applied for have contacted me with a yes or a no (but preferably a yes).

However, I am quite content in my situation. I'm finding odd jobs to do, and whether I like it or not, God's plan will prevail over mine, even if that means not getting a "summer job" this year. God'll provide like He always does, I'm just praying that I'll see His provisions (and that mom will too so she'll get off my back).

Well. Today in big church, as I like to call it, Rev talked about "Homeland away from Home" or something like that. That was the title of the sermon. Or something pretty close to that. Anyway. Yes.

He talked a little bit about the building that we hold services in, do our activities in, what's colloquially known as "the church". He talked about investing in the church. He gave us an acronym for what it meant to have a "FULL" house. Faith. Understanding. Loyalty. Love.

Of course all things come down to love, though. But yeah.

I really caught on to the Loyalty section the most. I feel like loyalty isn't something that people recognize in other people a lot these days. I don't know why, but it goes unnoticed a lot of the time. But, like Rev said, it's still really important. I liked that Rev said that it's so much more important not to be loyal and faithful to the building, but to the One who gave us the means to build it, to worship in it, to love people in it, to serve the community in it.

Churches today (and I mean they have forever) can turn very political very quickly. It's just the nature of the church, especially one with a bajillion committees (silly Baptists). I, as well as many others, want this way in the church not to be anymore. I hate it, actually. "Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." LOVE. Not money. Not 'church'. Not politics. 


This is something we all need to learn, including myself, but coming home from school I've seen it even more than I do when I'm away. It's time for a change. A revival in the name of God!

Odd Jobs and Check Lists

I WAS ACTUALLY PRODUCTIVE TODAY!

Which is basically a miracle considering a.) my normal self, and b.) I got up at noon.

Nonetheless, today I had 3 items on my to-do list: paint a bookshelf, put my old trophies into boxes, and bring a mattress upstairs from the basement and make the bed in the guest room.

I DID THEM ALL! It was super great.

Let's see. I also watched Tangled and took a shower. Tangled is seriously one of THE cutest movies ever made! I'm slightly obsessed. But it's whatever.

ON TO MORE IMPORTANT THINGS. God is awesome. But really. I s'pose I should elaborate on how I rediscovered this only today/last night. I've been very intrigued with how He made Paul. Paul is obviously a very remarkable character in the Bible. My mom says she doesn't like him. She didn't say why. But whatever.

Yeah, so Paul. I was reading 1 Corinthians 6 & 7 last night for kicks and giggles, and it talked a lot about sexual sin and the like, but what I really enjoyed about chapter 6 was the very last verse: "For God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body." I had been thinking about exercising and hygiene and things like that (don't ask me why; I'm just weird) and then coming across this reminded me that not only do my mind and spirit need to be healthy in order to glorify God, but so does my body. There is a line, though. It isn't about obsessing over the way you look, it's about staying healthy and fit so you can do whatever God calls you to do whenever He calls you to it. He made our bodies this way for a reason, so it only makes sense that we take really good care of them. If we focus on God and doing everything we can to obey Him, then our bodies will come along with that.

Then I kept reading into chapter 7 just for fun because the reading hadn't made me sleepy yet (which it usually does, because I'm not too big on reading). I would recommend reading this if you are married, or are getting married. I appreciate the fact that Paul recognizes that this is totally his opinion and not a commandment of God, but I would personally take this as a fair guideline to follow in marriage.

What was interesting though was that Paul talks about being single, and how he thinks it's better than getting married. The only thing is, that if being single causes us to sin and lust and long for another person, we should just get married - "But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It is better to marry than to burn with lust.


This is just food for thought. I haven't fully grasped it yet, nor do I understand it in its entirety.

I did kind of think Paul sounded a little conceited when he wrote this passage, though. I don't know, maybe he's right, but I think marriage is a beautiful thing that God designs for us to enjoy in Him. Paul thrived being single, but it isn't for everyone. Clearly, God calls each of us to different things, which Paul does address in this passage.

Really I'm just enjoying learning more about Paul's letters and what he has to say! I need someone to talk back and forth with it though. I'll work on that.

I'm starting to work on making a new bracelet. I'm really excited for church tomorrow!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Glitter are the Herpes of Crafts

My my, what a day!

This afternoon I went to the bank with my grandma, and she took me to Burger King afterwards! I got coffee, which was good because I had a headache and felt poopy, so coffee was the perfect remedy. (:

I also got a babysitting job for today! It was kind of funny how it happened, actually, because my "sister's" mom messaged me yesterday and asked if I would watch her other daughter and a few of her friends because one of their mother's would not allow her being left along without adult supervision. They are 13/14 years old which is the funny part, since by their age I was already babysitting other kids.

ANYWAY. Two of these girls are also very good friends of mine, and the girl who needed 'supervision' didn't even come. BUT I got paid for it, $10/hr. They had to make these plate awards for their soccer team, so there was paint a glitter EVERYWHERE, including our hair, but we ate hot pockets and pizza and drank blue kool-aid and had a dandy time. We also went and jumped on the neighbor's trampoline and they gave us chocolate. I always have a fun time with these girls. They are truly a blessing to me, and I have been so encouraged by investing in their lives over the years; I also look forward to watching them as they continue to love and serve the Lord in all that they do through high school and onward!

Okay so yeah on my way home, I decided to turn off the radio and talk to God.

Well, I also decided to listen to God. I do too much talking a lot of the time when I'm spending time with God. I think because I don't do it as much as I should, I feel like there's a lot I need to "get off my chest" so I don't take the time to stop and listen like I should. But I tried to. Granted, still wasn't sufficient, but I got a lot out of what God revealed to me during my car ride home.

I prayed that I get a summer job, or make some kind of money, or find a way to obey God and His plan for my life if it doesn't involve money; basically I want God to reveal to me what exactly I should be doing with my summer. Then I realized that all I need to do is to glorify God with all of my actions, in everything I do this summer, and I will be satisfied.

I realized that the Lord provides even when He isn't answering all my questions with 'Yes'.
I've been asking for a job and for lots of other things, but I've been lacking in being faithful to God. Today, I gave it up to God. But the thing is, is that I have to do that daily, continually, constantly, every time I forget, and every time I think about it. But today when I did that, I felt a peace about my finances. Tonight I made $60, and I feel as though that was God's way of showing me that I have to put my trust in Him daily for Him to renew His mercies and always take care of me and provide for me rather than focusing on having a plan.

What my brain landed on was that since God renews His mercies every day, I should renew my joy every day! I love joy. I really do. And even though it doesn't correlate with emotion, it makes me so happy!!! :D :D :D

God is awesome. I absolutely LOVE getting to be reminded of that DAILY!

I hope everyone can be encouraged by the constant outpouring of love we receive from God as His children! Have joy in the Lord, my friends! There is joy in the Lord, love in His Spirit, and hope in the knowledge of Him! <3

Thursday, May 17, 2012

This is a Good Thing

Yeah so I missed posting last night, so once again I'm going to make up for it by putting 2 days in one. YAY! However, this is good because I have not been focusing on the internet or my computer today. *

Anyway.

Wednesday: I woke up, babysat my cousin (who screamed half the time; it was the only time I've liked my cat more than babies), hung out with Alexa - we cleaned out her room to find stuff to sell for our charity yard sale! Which we are quite excited about. YAY! :D We also went to the park, and on the way some guy tried to hit on me, which was kind of funny. And at the park these three little children came up to us to talk and that was fun. We drank coffee, too. Oh but then I went to church to go to the business meeting because we (the "youth") wanted to talk about how awesome we think our new youth pastor candidate is. We vote him in on Sunday. I could not be more thrilled! I don't really remember what I did when I got home, though.  I tried to watch the Aristocats but fell asleep and woke up again at 2 a.m. to get back in my bed. That happens too often.

Today, I woke up at 8:45 and went running with Alexa (well, running/walking). Then we went back to her house and drank coffee (duh) and talked for an hour and a half about life and Jesus and friends and summer. It was so great and so refreshing. I learned a lot about grace while talking to her. It's interesting, because when we as Christians describe ourselves to people, or just in general, we always mention Jesus. But that shouldn't be the way it is. It's us, and Jesus encompasses us and everything we do. When we see our life as being all through Him, we put on a lens of grace and so everything we do and see is biblical and for Christ because we see people the way He sees them, and we're not as quick to judge or assume we're better than someone. It's helpful in forgiving too.

I was also encouraged a lot to read this summer, and to focus on things that matter. *The reason I've been off the computer all day is because I did the dishes, did laundry, cleaned a bathroom, mowed the lawn, organized more things for the yard sale, I'm working on cleaning my room. I have a lot of junk. Alas, I have not read yet today, but maybe I will here soon. I kinda want to go to bed early, but we'll see how that goes.

I could go for some ice cream.

Oh yeah, I've been playing a lot of hymns today. It's helpful for sight-reading, and for drawing closer to God! Music is a beautiful medium.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Heh, Oops

I realized that I hadn't posted for either Monday or Tuesday. But in my defense, Monday I spent the night at a friend's, and Tuesday I had to watch Glee so then I forgot.

However. Monday was a great day. I hung out with old friends, applied for a job, spent a few hours at Mill Mountain coffee just chatting and catching up. It was great. Then we went to a friend's house where we cooked dinner, colored our hair (temporarily, of course) made bracelets, and watched a movie. A good time was had by all!

Then Tuesday I had coffee with another friend (Starbucks this time) who will be leaving for Africa at the end of this month for an internship for two months. She's excited, and everyone else is for her! She's one of those people I just love talking to because I feel like we have had very similar life experiences. Not in some ways, but in others it's nice to have someone to relate to on that level, especially someone who lives in the same hometown(ish).

Well afterward I came home, washed the color out of my hair, and watched Glee and Dance Moms, Miami. I have no life. It's fine.

Then I read Mark chapter 10 (I think?) about riches and whatnot, and that was really cool because I had been searching for the verse that says something along the lines of "sell all you have and give to the poor" and I found it. Good times.

That's all for now, and I'll post again later tonight once I finish my Wednesday. My apologies for being so behind. I need to get my life together. Haha. And also spend more time with Jesus. That should happen. Yes.

Later!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day

Well. We went to church and it was great. Our new youth pastor candidate gave the sermon and then did a Q & A during Sunday School! I think everyone likes him, and I'm really excited! Well after that my mom, my grandma, and I went to Applebee's for lunch and it was scrumptious! I got shrimp fettecuini alfredo (which is probably not how you spell that).

I went to Grease's last production in the afternoon and that was spectacular, as always! My best friends are graduating seniors and just performed their last show at the William Byrd Playhouse! It was bittersweet for everyone, but they are gonna do awesome things in college.

We went to Rancho Viejo afterwards, and it made me realize that I don't like speaking to people who don't understand me. It was funny, though. A good time was had by all.

God is good. So so good.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Saturday Shenanigans

Okay today was kinda weird. In some good ways, and some bad ways. It was a good day overall, though.

This morning I got up and ran a 5k to raise money for a local ministry in Vinton, came back from that and went to a picnic for our new youth pastor candidate and his family which was super fun - catching up with old friends, getting to meet the new people, and getting a pretty nice looking tan! Good times.

Then I got to watch my little brother play lacrosse for the first time at the WBHS Stadium! Woohoo! Plus they won 12-5, so that was good too. However, my father showed up at the game which I was not too thrilled about. I'm still working on forgiveness. It's weird. And not so much working. Ah well.

After the game, though, was when I decided to take a detour on the way home. I had a friend who passed away in February, and his body is buried at the cemetery on my route from school to home. So today, for the first time since he was buried, I went to the gravesite. And I sat there. And I talked to him. And I talked to God. And I apologized for not sharing the love of Jesus with this friend. And I apologized to God for not doing what I was supposed to while he was still alive.

I prayed for God to somehow save his soul. I told God that I knew that salvation depended on faith in Jesus and repentance and love, but I asked of Jesus to somehow just make it so that my friend got one more chance to choose Jesus - to choose life and eternity. I know that Jesus has to intercede for us when we get to Heaven, so I thought maybe if my friend realizes that he'll try to get right with Jesus so he can live forever. I also prayed that he was just in Heaven, and that I was making wrong assumptions about the condition of his heart. God does work in crazy ways, so maybe this was one of them. I certainly can't understand all that God does.

I tried to let this motivate me to share the love of Jesus with his closest friends; friends that we both knew in high school, and I guess I still know. It was sad. It still is sad. I had never had to do something like this before. But it was kind of nice, just to sit up on that hill by myself, admiring God's beautiful creation and praying to Him more earnestly than I have in a long time. I told God that I knew my heart wasn't right with Him. I need to change that. But I asked if there was anything I could possibly do to make it so that I see Troy again one day, when I die from this earth.

My allergies are getting pretty severe.

Ephesians 4:32

Friday, May 11, 2012

Sleeping In - Naturally

Today was weird and also great! I didn't get out of bed until 1:30 in the afternoon which was glorious, and then I made myself a cheeseburger for lunch and had ice cream. Alas, I was forced to mow the yard today, but I did it in a bathing suit in a sad attempt to get a tan. No luck working on bikes today.

Tonight was pretty fun, though. I went to church to meet our new prospective youth pastor candidate and his wife and 2 children and that was just really great. I was so excited for them to come because we haven't a youth pastor for 2 years! Even though I'm not in youth any more, I am excited for my friends who are because after tonight I know they will be in good hands. This couple is absolutely phenomenal, and I can't wait to see how God uses them in this ministry.

After that I did a lot of nothing for 3 hours. But in the midst of doing nothing, I read a really cool devotional on praise and psalms and singing and shouting worship to the Lord! I love reading and listening to pslams and songs of praise because it's the way I connect to the Holy Spirit best and I love worshipping Jesus. It reminds me of why I'm doing what I'm doing in terms of being a musician. Do it all for the glory of God! Abandon everything I know on earth and focus my energy - my songs, my music, my worship - on Jesus and the Lord's sacrifice and love for us! Bahhhh. So much awesome.

Also, today is my future roommate's birthday! She just became a legal adult. So exciting. (:

~Psalm 33:3 - "Sing to Him a new song; play skillfully with a shout of joy."

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Late Nights

I realize that I forgot to post last night, but I didn't get home until midnight. 


Nonetheless, "today" was a pretty solid day. I got to watch my 11 mo cousin which was fun, and then I came home, made myself a hamburger, and worked on 2 bicycles.  That was pretty fun, because I love using my hands to build things and fix things and all that. I want to bring a bike back with me to school next fall, so when I told my mom I wanted to get one she told me that we have to here, so I found them and tried fixing them up. It's still a work in progress, but I look forward to completing this project and feeling accomplished about something! 


Last night I got to play the piano for the middle school choir in my hometown, and afterwards go to the high school to watch 2 of my best friends perform in Grease the musical as their senior show! Despite some typical opening night technical difficulties, it was a really great performance and I thoroughly enjoyed it! 


The cleaning and organizing of my room is still a work in progress. And I need to do some laundry. 


~Ephesians 4:32 - "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Boredom

So today was interesting. I realized how bored I'm going to be being home with no job.  And how much I hate "stuff". And unpacking, just to realize how much useless stuff I have. I'm getting rid of a lot of stuff.

Anyway, this morning I was supposed to go running with my dear friend Alexa at 9:00, and at 9:12 she called me and said she was on my front porch, so I woke up and we ate breakfast, AND THEN we went running. After that we did a whole lot of nothing, watched Harry Potter, drank lots and lots of coffee in several variations, and then I came home for an hour, went to church, ate ice cream with my sister and some friends, then came home and practiced piano since I'm accompanying tomorrow.

I feel so unproductive and it scares me because it's been a full day and half a day and they're both already over, with me having done absolutely nothing.  Hmm.

I'm practicing the violin this summer. I will get good. Or at least be able to call myself a beginner.

Tomorrow I might paint my toenails.  I'm going to the opening night of "Grease" at my high school tomorrow, where I will also be reunited with my friend Emily! Excitement.

Oh, today some of my friends took the AP Calculus exam, and I was actually kind of jealous.  I was excited to take it last  year, and eat lots of food afterwards and only have to be in school for one block of the day.  But oh well. I'm done with school for the year.  I want to motivate myself to start cleaning/dejunking my room as soon as I'm done writing this... Maybe then I'll watch TV, spend some time with Jesus, and go to bed.

Philippians 4:8

Dazed (Days?)

Today was the last day of my freshman year at Virginia Tech. It's very surreal.

I left for home today without saying goodbye to many people, which was also kind of weird. It's not that I'm not going to miss them, but I was so ready to be home that all my focus was put into getting on that bus instead of my friends.

Well, I'm realizing that eventually I'm going to get homesick for Blacksburg. I'm really going to miss my friends. And quite frankly, although in my case I really do miss my friends back home, college kids are just sort of out of place in the summer when they go home.  The people we go back to see are still living their lives, and we just kind of have to piddle around until we get to do something (those of us without jobs, anyway).

Part of me is just kind of like, well God will do what He wants, so there's no use stressing over anything because it's summer and it's whatever.

Enough about that.

I have had one heck of a first year. Crazy, really. But crazy awesome.

It's going to be really hard to describe the whole thing in one post, so I'll just leave it at this: God is growing me in faith, in love, in hope, in endurance, in perspective, in the Word, in community, in forgiveness, in trust, and in truth.

I never imagined that after one semester in college I would become a part of leadership at the BCM. I never imagined I would make so many friends. I never dreamed that I would become so convicted of all the wrong in my life that all I could see was that I needed to get back to God.  I never understood the concept of love - of godly love.  I didn't have an eternal perspective.

Fun fact: when I got to college, I was like "I'm gonna make all friends who are in my year so we can always be together so I don't have to get sad when they graduate or when I graduate."And... that worked pretty well for me until about March. Now I'm sad. But the funny thing about God, is that He completely answered my prayer to make friends, and in regards to making close friends who were my age. It's not that He said no (because God isn't really a 'yes or no' kind of god) because I made so many friends through a Freshman and Transfer program the BCM has.  God gave me a friend who, even though she's graduating, has held me accountable, challenged me, loved me, grown me, more in the last 2 months than I think anybody ever has in my life.  God's funny that way.  And now that graduation is in like 3 days, I'm not as depressed as I was during my high school graduation with having to leave everyone.

One important thing I learned this year also about "forever friends" - they're not earthly.  I've heard it defined before something like "friends like that can go years without speaking and instantly pick up where they left off." That is completely the wrong idea.  A true friend should always be holding you accountable to God and the Word, directing you to Christ, and when that's the case you become "forever friends" because even if your friendship on earth is short-lived, God planned it for His purpose and His Kingdom, and you'll get to see your friend(s) again in Heaven where everyone is friends/family and you'll get to worship God together forever! Those are the kinds of "forever friends" I want to have. And by jove I do believe I have some/have made some.

College.  This has been the craziest year of my life. But also the most wonderful.  I'm already excited for August.  After my brain and fingers rest a little.

I think this'll be a good anthem for the summer: Garden by: NEEDTOBREATHE

Monday, May 7, 2012

Summer "Vacation"

I think I decided just this very second that I'm going to make an honest attempt to blog or post something every day this summer. I've been told many a time before that journaling is really important, and can be really quite helpful in our walk with Christ. Well, I used to do it some, and then I would stop, and then I'd do it again, but I don't feel like I'm going anywhere.

So. My life is probably not going to be very interesting this summer, but it's okay because we'll just consider this my virtual journal. Maybe it won't be quite as personal as it would be if I were writing in a bound notebook, but it will be real, and it will be me.

I wanna spend some serious time with God, because right now I don't feel very much like our relationship is growing. I wanna write about it, too. I plan on spending many a day at the park, or (potentially) in my hammock, or at my best friend's house, or, God-willing, working somewhere doing something that I will be getting paid some money for.

Plus I think it'll be cool to look back in August and see what I was doing in the middle of May every day and see how much I wrote and what I wrote about and what I "sound" like when I write. I'm excited.

I want to read this summer, too. There are books which people keep recommending to me that I just want to read. Even though I don't like reading. But I think reading will convict me. And I need to be convicted. And I need to be broken down into my bare soul to become so vulnerable to everything that I let my heart absorb God and take on His persona to let Him work in my life, no resisting.

Ho, hum.  It's not quite summer yet, but today I passed my piano jury with an A-, took my multivariable calculus exam at 11:05, finished around 1:10, picked up my allergy shot serum, hung out with some dear friends, and spent a few hours with my mom packing up my dorm room and eating dinner and buying orange juice, Reese's cups, and oatmeal in bulk.  I am currently preparing my mind to FINALLY FINISH MY LAST ENGLISH PAPER EVER and then study for a theory exam I have in the morning.  I also need to write a letter.

Tomorrow is the last day of my first year of college, and it's weird. But I could not be more excited.

There will be more to say about that tomorrow. :-)

Sayonara, friends.  May this post find you well and rested and at peace with whatever God has put in your life today!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Music and the Heart

Two songs that are speaking to me right now:

Legacy - Nichole Nordeman

A Mirror is Harder to Hold - Jon Foreman

Because I want to leave a legacy -
"Therefore let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and praise your Father in Heaven.
Matthew 5:16

And because I want to learn not to be judgmental and a hypocrite when it comes to pointing out other people's shortcomings without examining my own heart. I've been convicted. Big time. -
"Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye." 
Matthew 7:1-5

I am truly grateful for a God of love and grace and mercy. And I'm grateful for godly friends who hold me accountable.  My heart seriously needs a make-over.  I can't wait to see what God does with it. 
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, and the new has come!"
2 Corinthians 5:17

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Parents

Today as I made my usual walk to my dorm from the Math Empo, I had a realization that I wasn't expecting. It was one that maybe any normal human being would have had 4 years ago.

Well today I realized the difficulty in having two parents who don't agree or get along. Well besides the obvious - that it's annoying and stupid - I realized that it's really hard to be obedient the way God wants us to.

I hadn't thought about it before because I've lived with my mom for 4 and a half years, without speaking to my dad much, so all I had to do was what she told me to do.  It never really occurred to me that I still had to listen to my dad, because he is still my dad.

Sure I've done in-depth analyses of the severe psychological effects my bad relationship with my dad has had on me. Of course. It makes me resistant toward men; makes me skeptical of all males; makes me hesitant to call God my Heavenly Father because of the earthly connotation I subconsciously put with it. But I had never really seen the problem with having my parents not get along.

I think this is because I've always assumed my mom was right above my dad, and maybe that's true. I mean, she's the one who got to keep us, and we wanted to live with her, and I turned out pretty good so I assume she's done a good, godly job of raising me and my brother.

But today on my walk, I was thinking about something my dad (and my aunt, actually) had asked me to do if I got a chance, which I have still neglected to do, mostly due to not having any time to do anything ever.  Then I remembered that my mom had called me the other day and I got a chance to talk to her for a while, and she brought it up and asked me if I'd done what my dad had asked, and I just said well no I haven't really gotten around to it and I don't really have any time and I keep forgetting and all that. Then she just said, "Well I don't really care if you do or not, I was just curious." And I kind of just brushed it off, like, well okay.

It wasn't until today that it hit me again: my mom really doesn't care what I do in regards to my dad (although she does wish I'd forgive him) and that kind of messes with the Bible. I should've obeyed my dad as soon as he asked me to do something. And I think the fact that I didn't have reinforcement from my mom asking me to do made me not care and just forget all together. Now that I think about it though, it's things like that which make this whole "differing-opinion" parents hard.  I should obey both of my parents, whether or not they agree with each other, as long as one of them is not asking me to do something that would defy God.

After all, God instructs us to obey our parents. By doing this, we are obeying Him (our Heavenly Father) and our parents, both of which He tells to. But obeying Him is more important than obeying our parents. The implication to obeying our parents is that our parents are raising us the way God wants them to, so when we obey them, we obey God. That's where the whole "obey only if God would approve" thing comes in.

Anyway, that's just my little thought for the day. Family is weird. It's always weird. It's especially weird when you want nothing to do with some of it. And even harder when they don't want anything to do with Jesus.

Sayonara, friends.

Philippians 1:21